Zappa, Frank - The Dangerous Kitchen Lyrics




The dangerous kitchen
If it ain't one thing it's another
In the middle of the night when you get home
The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
The meat things
Where the cats ate through the paper
The can things with the sharp little edges
That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
The soft little things on the floor that you step on
They can all be DANGEROUS
Sometimes the milk can hurt you
(If you put it on your cereal
Before you smell the plastic container)
And the stuff in the strainer
Has a mind of its own
So be very careful
In the dangerous kitchen
When the night time has fallen,
And the roaches are crawlin'
In the kitchen of danger
You can feel like a stranger
The bananas are black
They got flies in the back
And also the chicken
In the dish with the foil
Where the cream is all clabbered
And the salad is frightful
Your return in the evening
Can be less than delightful
You must walk very careful
You must not lean against it
It can get on your clothing
It can follow you in
As you walk to the bedroom
And you take all your clothes off
While you're sleeping
It crawls off
It gets in your bed
It could get on your face then
It could eat your complexion
You could die from the danger
Of the dangerous kitchen
Who the fuck wants to clean it?
It's disgusting and dirty
The sponge on the drainer
Is stinky and squirty
If you squeeze it when you wipe up
What you get on your hands then
Could un-balance your glands and
Make you blind or whatever
In the dangerous kitchen
At my house tonight





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Zappa, Frank The Dangerous Kitchen Comments
  1. Vanilla *

    https://youtu.be/bi_XD1KWR9Q

  2. Syd bysyd

    After I last looked in it, I decided to solder my fridge door shut.

  3. Bass Stuff

    This is peak musical pedagogy.

  4. abdelkaderelbrazi

    I have that sort of phobia where I'm afraid to eat meals prepared by the people whom I don't know/who never prepared a meal for me before because I never know what their standpoint on hygiene is. This song pretty much in detail describes how my brain works when dealing with that phobia.

  5. Mafia Moscoloni

    Mirar el muuuundooo con toda su sinceridad..Gran Cualidad..si SOS Humano..

  6. fa rt

    This song reminds me of growing up with my grossly dysfunctional parents. Our kitchen was EXACTLY like this!

  7. aMind New

    So its VInnie or Chad on drums?

  8. Vegetarian Soylent-Green

    Who the fuck wants to clean it!??

  9. Stephen Spring

    A legendary track... but i do prefer the original version.. this is the cd version...
    the original lp version has a different track listing and also has vinnie.. etc etc
    Still Gear though.. :-)

  10. Dean Just Dean

    Who else has a kitchen like this? :D

    Stephen Spring

    I do. :-)

    Stephen Spring

    And the stuff in the strainer DID have a mind of its own.. :-)

    Dean Just Dean

    @Stephen Spring The contents of my beetroot container tell stories that would make Stephen King scream. :D

    Stephen Spring

    @Dean Just Dean Ha Ha Ha.. Excellent.
    "Who the fuck wants to clean it" :-)

  11. kuchitsu4

    Who the fuck wants to clean it?

  12. Pretty Gnostic Machine

    Listening to this, it's like every note belongs, and without just one, it would be missing something... much like the stars in the firmanent, and the clouds in the sky, and the letters in the alphabet, and the elements in the periodic table, and the boogers in your nose, and the pepperoni on your pizza, and the narco terrorists on your street, and the conspiracy theorists in your queue, and the lint in your pockets, and the racists on your TV, and the treasonous rats in your government, and the dead bodies in your backyard, and the wars in your history books, and the serial killers in your head, and the hairs on the pussy you may or may not eat in the near or distant future. Everything Belongs.
    My world needs you Frankie.

  13. Tondi FR

    The DANGEROUS KITCHEN

    If it ain't't one thing it's another
    In the middle of the night when you get home
    The bread things are all dry 'n' scratchy
    The meat thing
    Where the cats ate through the paper
    The can things with the sharp little edges
    That can cut your fingers when you're not looking
    The soft little things on the floor that you step on
    They can all be DANGEROUS
    Sometimes
    The milk can hurt you
    (If you put it on your cereal
    Before you smell the plastic container)
    And the stuff in the strainer
    Has a mind of its own
    So be very careful
    In the dangerous kitchen
    When the night time has fallen
    And the roaches are crawlin'
    In the kitchen of danger
    You can feel like a stranger

    The bananas are black
    The got flies in the back
    And also the chicken
    In the dish with the foil
    Where the cream is all clabbered
    And the salad is frightful
    Your return in the evening
    Can be less than delightful

    You must walk very CAREFUL
    You must not lean against it
    It can get on you clothing
    It can follow you in
    As you walk to the bedroom
    And you take all your clothes off
    While you're sleeping
    It crawls off
    It gets in your bed
    It could get on your face then
    It could eat your complexion
    You could die from the danger
    Of the dangerous kitchen

  14. krunkle

    Awesome album art, uncanny Sinatra voice, this is too much.

  15. Luca Ballore

    Who the fuck wants to clean it?

  16. Liam Cooper

    Frank brought me here, and I'm glad he suggested it - cause this is some p-funk space out funk.

  17. Simon Loveland

    I think the idea of singing lyrics about some 'orrible, shitty kitchen to a kind cocktail lounge, jazz fusion backing, is just as cool as an eskimo trudging across the Tundra...

  18. Kasbian Vaulks

    I like Frank Zappa, but this is terrible. It sounds like what F.Z would write if he was trying to do a scam like in the 1967 movie "The Producers.

    Bob

    this is his one of his favorite songs actually lol

    Stephen Spring

    And the other favorite is "Jazz discharge party hats" Another superb piece of Frank. :-)

  19. Tyler Johnson

    I spent too much time in the dangerous kitchen. Now it hurts when I pee. Please help

    roberto chiang

    Blame it on Lucille (ha-ha)
    You should go and talk to L.Ron Hoover (not in "The Kitchen" but in "The Closet")

  20. Rick Roybal

    all the restaurants in Delta Colorado

  21. Christopher Norris

    Sometimes, the milk can HURT YOU. If you put it on your cereal before you smell the plastic container.

  22. Casey Jones

    This is like when Dice Clay released 'the day comedy died'

  23. bbqeatinbuckeye

    Dedicated to the Woodson Brothers somewhere in North America at this moment. They cracked this Buckeye on occasion. Wooooo!

  24. themopedmetallist

    I came here looking for the cookie jar, but "1st wotld" narions THROW.AWAY SO much food (it is LITERALLY a FACT that even amongr the most recalcitrant tent dweller must be such a low-energy person. TO "starve in the styreets" of a post-1965 USAtakes a special class of ignorance.In his time as CA guvnor' Reagan night've hammerbanned State fucking HOSPITALS.Something else to ru,imate on: "In THIS Day And AGE', Bruce Springsteen would have SAME EXACT optics as somebody like Jared Loughner. Need not dig too deep; "Boss" hi,self has stated MANY times that the college he briefly attended had their concerns about his further presence on campus after dropping out. HARDLY any Q-worthy digging here. Go 1; go AL. TRUST the plan

  25. Ash Hartl

    What in the actual fuck

  26. Anomaly88man

    I have recently cut both of my left hand fingers in that Dangerous Kithchen.

  27. Crimson_Ghost

    Sometimes, the milk can HERT YEW

  28. Cristiano M. Santos

    Sometimes
    The milk can hurt you
    (if you put it on your cereal
    Before you smell the plastic container)

  29. MegaFrancescop

    Steve vai

  30. Tom Jack Kerouac

    frying pans are hystrical

    Brian Vaughan

    Especially if they are in the Ministry Of Silly Woks!

  31. Jason Misfit

    When I was hanging out with Robert from the Stains,he was obsessed with Zappa

  32. günther Zaruba

    actually, Bananas are fantastic ...ONLY when they are already BLACK %-))

  33. Gary Johnson

    Makes me want to crack-out a gallon of BLEACH !

  34. Edward Hester

    pointless

    Patrick Claeys

    you got no flow

  35. Edward Hester

    do you really think this is brilliant? haha cmon this is a waste of time...It's emptiness

    nextmove

    The only empty thing here is your head :)

    Mr. Soul '69

    That's exactly why I like it...
    I can't think of a more mundane excuse for a song than a yeastinfected kitchen. It takes a certain sort of mind to come up with this...and a certain sort of weird mind (like mine) to dig it.
    No--I'm not exactly normal. That's how I like it...

    Braden Schecter

    Standard disco boy here, huh Ed?

  36. Ross Cicero

    I used to know this by heart.

  37. Bucknaykyd

    I have worked in a few of these Kitchens.....

  38. Timothy Derkson

    I like how Frank looks like"Ned Flanders, the man with the chest" on that album art.

    thripston

    He's meant to look like Rank Xerox not Ned Flanders

    thromboid

    It's awesome...looks like a depiction of a modern-day heroic epic, and then you realise he's trying to swat flying insects.

  39. Jessica Amber

    Current situation.

  40. Nuthine Atholl

    *WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO CLEAN IT?!?!*

  41. Martine Nathalie Rioux

    🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟😎

  42. Keith Handy

    Don't quote me on this, but I believe I read that this was performed live without the guitar, and then Vai transcribed everything Frank sang and laid it down afterwards as an overdub. It's a lot of work... I've done things like that, but not for the whole length of a song! If you like that kind of thing, paste qoLS9We9hl4 into the last part of a YouTube URL and watch "Jones Big Ass truck rentals & storage - Harmonizator" - it's hilarious, awesome, and brilliant.

    chickyraptor

    I know that's what Vai did with The Jazz DIscharge Party Hats.

    plop888

    Thanks for the tip. I watched "Jones Big Ass truck rentals & storage - Harmonizator". It's brilliant & very funny. "Do you know how big a bus is?" lol

    RastaSaiyaman

    Vai in a recent interview with Nikki Sixx said that he indeed transcribed every vowel that Frank did and then played it over his monologue.

    There's a reason why he's credited with "Impossible guitar parts" on Zappa albums.

    But if you like that kind of stuff look up Victor Wooten's "Kaila talks" to hear what he did with some baby talk from his daughter.

    ToNLiT

    Mike Keneally performing vocals and guitar on discharge party hats simultaneously live: https://youtu.be/GfJt8kmLgY4

  43. kuttadid

    Frank Zappa more like Frank Sinatra

  44. Thecupcakerat 1

    Did I say?

  45. Thecupcakerat 1

    My mum loves this!! XD

  46. Bite Sized Blues

    Is Steve vai playing guitar?

    bozotheklein

    @martlgr yes

  47. M Strain

    a brilliant mind gone too soon

    M Strain

    If it's not one thing it's another lol

    Cristiano M. Santos

    Unfortunately he died of prostate cancer. We all should visit the urologist not only if the month is blue or pink. But the time he spent between us was already worth it. At least for me, I just have to thank him

  48. steve aston

    I was gonna fetch a bowl of cereals,i don't think ill bother now.

  49. greguitar8888

    Oh God!

  50. Tom Foyle

    ...At my house toniiiiight!!

  51. Zesko Whirligan

    If you squeeze it when you wipe up, what you get on your hands then could unbalance your glands....

    Christine Page

    and make you blind or whatever! ok tmi

  52. Zesko Whirligan

    He left out the RATS

    Brian Vaughan

    Hot Rats?!!!