Zappa, Frank - Dental Hygiene Dilemma Lyrics






[Bad Conscience:] Han min noon toon han toon han
[Good Conscience:] No, Jeff!
[Bad Conscience:] Han toon ran toon ran toon fran min han toon ran toon nan toon fram
[Good Conscience:] No no no!
[Jeff:] Man! This stuff is great! It's just as if Donovan himself had appeared on my very own TV with words of peace, love, and eternal cosmic wisdom... ! Leading me. Guiding me. On paths of everlasting pseudo-karmic negligence, in the very midst of my drug-induced nocturnal emission.
[Good Conscience:] Oh, I am your good conscience, Jeff. I know all. I see all. I am a cosmic love pulse matrix, become a technicolor interpositive!
[Jeff:] Okay... Where'd you buy that incense? It's hip.
[Good Conscience:] It's the same and mysterious exotic oriental fragrance as what the Beatles get off on.
[Jeff:] I thought I recognized it... Sniff, sniff... Mmm, what is that, MUSK? Sniff, sniff, sniff... mmmh!
[Good Conscience:] Jeff, I know what's good for you.
[Jeff:] Right. You're heavy.
[Good Conscience:] Yes, Jeff, I am your guiding light. Listen to me. Don't rip off the towels, Jeff!
[Bad Conscience:] Piss off, you little nitwit!
[Jeff:] Hey man, what's the deal?
[Good Conscience:] Don't listen to him, Jeff, he's no good. He'll make you do BAD THINGS!
[Jeff:] You mean, he'll make me sin?
[Good Conscience:] Yes, Jeff. SIN!
[Jeff:] Wow!
[Bad Conscience:] Jeff, I'd like to have a word with you... about your soul.
[Good Conscience:] No, don't listen, Jeff.
[Bad Conscience:] Why are you wasting your life, night after night playing this comedy music?
[Jeff:] You're right, I'm too heavy to be in this group.
[Good Conscience:] Comedy music...
[Bad Conscience:] Jeff, YOUR SOUL!

Oh...
He's
Too heavy to
Be...

[Jeff:] In this group, all I ever get to do is play Zappa's comedy music. HE EATS!
[Good Conscience:] Jeff!
[Jeff:] I get so tense!
[Bad Conscience:] Of course you do, my boy.
[Jeff:] The stuff he makes me do is always off the wall!
[Bad Conscience:] That's why it would be best to leave his stern employ.
[Jeff:] And quit the group!
[Bad Conscience:] You'll make it big!
[Jeff:] That's right.
[Bad Conscience:] Of course!
[Jeff:] And then I won't be SMALL!

Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ti-diddly-diddly-dee
Ha, ha, ha...
He-he-he-he-heh!

[Jeff:] Cough, cough. Ahmet Ertegun used this towel as a bathmat six weeks ago at a rancid motel in Orlando, Florida, with the highest MILDEW rating of any commercial lodging facility within the territorial limits of the United States, naturally excluding tropical possessions... It's still damp. What an aroma! This is the best I ever got off! What can I say about this elixir? Try it on steaks! Cleans nylons! Small craft warnings! It's made for the home! The office! On fruits!
[Bad Conscience:] This is the real you, Jeff. Rip off a few more ashtrays. Get rid of some of that inner tension. Quit the comedy group! Get your own group together. Heavy! Like GRAND FUNK! Or BLACK SABBATH...
[Good Conscience:] No, Jeff...
[Jeff:] Like COVEN!
[Good Conscience:] Peace... Love...
[Bad Conscience:] Bollocks!
[Jeff:] What can I say about this elixir?

[Mark:] Jeff has gone out there on that stuff!
[Bad Conscience:] He should have never have used the elixir and only stuck to the incense. Oh, Atlantis...
[Mark:] That was BILLY THE MOUNTAIN, dressed up like Donovan, fading out on the wall-mounted TV screen. Jeff IS flipping out. Road fatigue! We've got to get him back to normal before Zappa finds out, and steals it, and makes him do it in the movie!
[Bad Conscience:] You have a brilliant career ahead of you, my boy, Just GET OUT OF THIS GROUP!
[Mark:] Howard, that was Studebacher Hoch, dressed up like Jim Pons, giving career guidance to the bass player of a rock-oriented comedy group. Jeff's imagination has gone beyond the fringe of audience comprehension. Jeff, Jeff, it's me, the Phlorescent Leech!
[Howard:] Jeff, Jeff, it's me, Eddie!

WOWWWW!
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR!

[Mark: (right channel)] Put it on your steaks, uh, send it overseas, [?] ground, and put it on you surfboard so you won't slip off. Try it on your [Jim Bean Boy], and on the, the red balloons, you can blow up all balloons with it. Put it on your... heh... on... on your pizza. Put it on your shoes, tie your mic with it, and fill up your tires with it.

[Howard: (center)] Use it to clean your swimming pool, sell it to your mother and tell her it's a Rit tie-dye kit, you won't even believe what'll happen when you starch your shirt with it, ironing goes easier and your car windows never looked better in your whole life. Ladies and gentlemen, you can inhale it, and it makes your voice three keys higher, and you can't even stand what happens when you put it on your hair, as hair tonic. Heh, heh. And if you ever tried it as a...

[Jim Pons: (left channel)] Soak your shirts in it, soak your teeth in it. Let it play the piano. Follow it around the block. Wear it instead of jeans. Bathe your puppies with it. Feed it to your ducks. Use it instead of chlorine in your swimming pool. Breathe it. Love it.

What?
WOWWWWWW!
What can I?
WOWWWWWW!
What?
What can I say about this?
WOWWWWWW!...





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Zappa, Frank Dental Hygiene Dilemma Comments
  1. 3.... ....

    What did I just take! What did you put in my tea???!!!!*!&"???

  2. D.... K....

    The orchestration on this is pure genius!

  3. a.... ....

    Edgard Varèse on Acid!

  4. P.... M....

    I'd like to have a word with you about you're SOUL !!

  5. T.... A....

    Imagine living out an entire life as a musician and composer (all self-taught by the way). You start out by getting threatened by your classmates for having a racially integrated band in the '50s and '60s. You have all these hits in the '60s, '70s and '80s, (you have all these "misses" in the public eyes as well). Most importantly you have a huge group of fans behind you. There's also a bunch of people against you. You continue to do your thing because you truly believe in it. As the years go by and rights are threatened, you stand up against the PMRC when you feel the need to (which is basically as soon as they step on your first amendment rights). A lot of time goes by. You rehearse and record with the fantastic Ensemble Modern in 1992 in various parts of Europe and receive at least two minutes of a standing ovation (see/hear the end of "G-Spot Tornado" off of "The Yellow Shark" for reference). You release this album on CD (The Yellow Shark) and it does very well, just like the concerts themselves. Imagine all this, and more. All of this leads up to December 4th, 1993 when you lose your battle with prostate cancer. Imagine you are Mr. Frank Vincent Zappa and you do all of this just to lead up to the uploader of this video misspelling your name and adding a "c" in there calling you "Franck" Zappa. Imagine that.

  6. O.... V....

    una obra de arte

  7. C.... ....

    I'M STEALING THE ROOOOM!!!

  8. Y.... N....

    WELL THEN.

  9. I.... ....

    the dental hygiene dilemma is what made me seek out a copy of 200 Motels available only as a bootleg vid back in the day! (saw 200 Motels as a "midnight movie" in a theater) it's HIP!

  10. s.... 7....

    The animation is largely the work of the same group that brought us "The Point" in the same year. I love Zappa's music and love this film, but particularly wanted to comment on how much I miss this style of animation. After years of a "tradition of quality" (to deliberately invoke the French New Wave), these animators turned to a style that was intentionally sketchy and often messy. By contrast, everything these days is CGI, slick, polished - in other words, boring.

    s.... 7....

    Glad to learn that info, it reminds me more of 'Dirty Duck', but I see some similarity to 'The Point', also. I miss this style of animation, too.

  11. G.... ....

    @jangohump How can notes sound "pretentious"? The people who overuse words like that are ironically quite pretentious. Also, stop ending every sentence with "to me". The Beatles had no technical ability other than past a bar band.

  12. O.... L....

    From the movie "200 Motels"

    O.... L....

    מופרע לגמרי

  13. C.... ....

    I love this so much! I saw the film at a midnight drive-in showing and bought the vinyl soon after. Then I slid into a heavy Christian phase and destroyed the album. Then I came out of the phase, and bought it again. Then I went into another heavy Christian phase and threw out the album. Then I recovered. Years later I bought the cassette. Then I .... well, you know. Fortunately, by now I was clever enough to simply put the tape away for awhile. Sure enough, after a bit I pulled it out again.

    C.... ....

    Give King Crimson a hug.

    C.... ....

    So you recovered?

  14. j.... ....

    200 Motels... dag nabit you whippersnappers

  15. b.... ....

    there may be none; I don't put much stock in my memory+

  16. J.... ....

    Really? I've never seen any other version of this.

  17. b.... ....

    I remember the song but not this cartoon

  18. J.... ....

    I love this

  19. A.... R....

    correct me if i'm wrong, is the small devil guy in the purple helmet supposed to be studebaker hoch?

    A.... R....

    Alex Rees
    Indeed. The album version (and a later scene in the movie IIRC) mentions it's him dressed up like Jim Pons and the character on TV is Billy the Mountain dressed up as Donovan.

  20. A.... R....

    I'm Stealing the Room! I'M STEALING THE ROOM!!!!!!

  21. t.... ....

    You mean, he'll make me SIN !!!!!!

    t.... ....

    terrypussypower
    Yes, Jeff. SIN !!!

  22. d.... ....

    5:44 STILL scares the living shit out of me.

  23. c.... ....

    First saw 200 Motels in a movie theater when it was released. The air was so thick with herbal smoke that you just had to breath and you would hallucinate. Watching this at the same time was transcendental.

  24. J.... P....

    I watched this with my friends while we were baked. Best trip ever.

    J.... P....

    J P right up til 5:44, then...

  25. D.... L....

    yo dat ginger be trippin an shi

  26. K.... ....

    WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR?

    K.... ....

    WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

  27. K.... ....

    @comicwzrd Murakami Wolf is basically a studio run by 2 people, Jim Murakami and Fred Wolf

  28. E.... K....

    What the deuce??

  29. R.... H....

    This made so much more sense to me when I was trippin'.

  30. B.... C....

    Does this count as a music video?

    B.... C....

    Benjamin Crookston Technically, yes!

  31. s.... ....

    @macistbassist Which one?

  32. m.... ....

    @stargate121 Gilliam was already making animations before this piece by Cal Schenkel came out.

  33. s.... ....

    I suspect Terry Gilliam based all his Python animation on this sequence.

  34. c.... ....

    Haven't seen this in like 20 years. Hilarious!! I just posted my song about dental hygienists, but it's not this funny.

  35. R.... M....

    your assuming and its true but many people have dental probs for other reasons than drugs like family finances and lack of health bens I think your video is mean and insensitive !!!

  36. j.... ....

    why attack the beatles and donovan far better people and musicians and wiser than Zappa, this is jargon, his attitude is sickening to me. his humor is irritating to me beyond anything. i don't like his guitar solos.and in the end the notes are just pretentious sounding to me. there is no soul to it. it's empty. it's also boring as hell

    j.... ....

    jangohump well, the tone on Sexual Harassment is horrendous, BUT the melody line is extremely cool. And as I heard from Terry Bozzio, that was Frank...

    A lot of incredible players played with him, but I'll warn you now, as a singing drummer, he'll probably be over your head if you don't play at all or in a very rudimentary manner. This is why Valley Girl was a hit song and lots more interesting, adept things weren't "radio friendly."

    Being objective, Ringo has a great right hand. A REALLY good one. His hands look great. "Help!" those fast 8ths using a single hand ("snake arm") are a b*tch. Trust me.

    However, his musical ability is WAY below the drummers Zappa hired. That's a fact. I'm not a rabid fan of either one. I know when I was a younger player, Zappa was well over my head. Most of it still is, as was Rush (who I saw 4x). For the same reason. It's friggin hard to play.

    The Beatles have never struck me as particularly difficult. Not to say this is bad or that it doesn't work.

    For all 8,500 drums on Peart's kit and his writing every note down, he's not the most feeling drummer out there, and in fact paid Steve Smith's teacher, Freddie Gruber, to expand his feeling on drums.

    For all that, Ringo is still the best KNOWN and BEST PAID.

    Frank is a smart guy. I don't agree with many things, but he was no fool. He constructed music in a very odd way. Complicated as hell, and got the world's most adept players to do it, too. I can't imagine Terry Bozzio in the Beatles (complex drummers tend to sound bored doing straight ahead parts), and Ringo couldn't do the crazy Frank stuff, I don't think.

    I'm too young for the Beatles when they were new, tho. So, it's a thing you get attached to as a teenager.

    However, to say something's easy...I've found that can change sitting down to play it verbatim. I get asked to play ANYTHING at jam nite. And if I don't know it or guess the wrong part, I need to change it and fix it real time, too. I've been playing drums 9 or 10 years. Great players ask me to play, which is cool. I've been paid to play drums under an hour (didn't move my kit, either) more than a lot of people make all day long. I'm not quite at the 25 years playing point where I know exactly how hard something is on drums at a listen. I'm there on.voice, so I could do that easily on vox.

    Zappa is very complicated to play. I know that because guys playing drums over 50.years tell me so. I've never heard anyone say that about the Beatles or Donovan, tho. Simplicity has its place. I tend to like simple, as I'm no Gene Krupa and I have a knack for happily playing simple drum lines with a lot of feel. Again, keep the chicks dancing and you'll always get paid. I don't sound bored playing simple. Namely because that's most of what I know, lol.

    j.... ....

    The Beatles...better people? John Lennon cheated on his first wife numerous times and left her for Yoko while THEY WERE STILL MARRIED. Let's see the Beatles play 'Duke of Prunes' or King Kong'. Let's furthermore see George play in any of the odd time signatures Zappa did, without the use of twelve-tone theory.

  37. M.... E....

    @thepantweaver
    Or Big Bird at exactly 2:30

  38. Z.... ....

    @thepantweaver Ask Walt Disney...he'll be back soon!!!

  39. s.... ....

    my maestro.
    so clever!

  40. P.... P....

    possums love the old Zappa stuff (200 possum motels)

  41. S.... ....

    Who needs drugs? This is a lot cheaper.

  42. f.... ....

    oh man this is such a good stuff. i miss frank zappa a lot..

  43. C.... ....

    he's just mad about saffron...

  44. t.... ....

    How did they get away with using Donald Duck?

    t.... ....

    Maybe they labeled it as satire

  45. d.... ....

    "Listen to me! Don't rip off the towels, Jeff!"

  46. t.... ....

    This beats the intestines out of the Yellow Submarine "When I'm 64" sequence.

    And Adult Swiim's entire lineup.

  47. M.... H....

    yes, that actually happened just prior to the shooting of 200 motels. Zappa secretly recorded stuff that Jeff said in private and then made him say it in the movie. he got pissed off and quit.

  48. m.... ....

    somewhat based on when jeff simmons was leaving the mothers

  49. J.... R....

    well there are bootlegs, if thats what you mean

    but they are trying to make a actual better version DVD

  50. E.... v....

    Thanx for posting! This is a true classic. Alas, there is no dvd as far as I know...besides, the original tapes were sold and dubbed over...so much for the Extended Version :(

  51. L.... ....

    Well it said "BEER" on it.

  52. r.... ....

    From drawings by Cal Schenkel, who did a lot of FZ's cover art in those days - Grand Wazoo, Just Another Band From LA, Ruben and the Jets, etc...
    Thanks for posting this!

  53. P.... T....

    Zappa didnt need drugs.

  54. l.... ....

    What are people doing spelling his name "Franck." Am I missing something?

  55. M.... ....

    BRAIN EXPLODED

  56. s.... ....

    This from the movie mainly live action Frank Zappa movie 200 motels. Animation done by Murakami Wolfe (I believe.)

  57. T.... K....

    !! Looks like Franck Zappa on a BAD ACID TRIP !!