Your Favorite Martian - Santa Hates Poor Kids Lyrics

I really hate it that my family’s poor! I really wish I was a rich kid.
’Cause they always get all the pimped gifts for Christmas.
Did I get a new Xbox? Fat chance!
While Billy gets a new pony and a lap dance.
Plus a tree house mansion and a jet ski.
How the hell did he get a pterodactyl? Gets me!
I thought Christmas was awesome, on and poppin.
’Till Jan got a slave and Google stock options.
And I don’t think you understand how it feels.
To see another kid roll up in his Bentley Power Wheels like:
“Look at my new ride; Santa just bought it.
He didn’t get you nothing ‘cause your mom’s an alcoholic.”
He’s right I got some underwear used by my brother.
I’m like Oliver Twist, “Please may I have another?”
I opened up a present, and found an eviction notice!
Man, fuck you Santa! We’re spending Christmas with the homeless!

[Chorus]
Santa must hate the poor kids.
‘Cause Santa only hangs with the rich, come on.
Santa Hates Poor Kids.
Santa Hates Poor Kids.

And if you ain’t got money then he ain’t coming.
Nothing under your tree tonight!

And all I got was a charm bracelet with no charms.
And a discharged G.I. Joe with no arms.
And a drunk step dad. Man, I hate it here!
And mom got some cigarettes and half a case of beer.
We’re too poor for Christmas music. We A capella!
And our Christmas tree is just a busted umbrella.
With a bunch of junk glued to it. This shit is useless!
And Ravi said: Santa also hates you if you’re Jewish.

[Chorus]
Santa must hate the poor kids.
‘Cause Santa only hangs with the rich, sing it.
Santa Hates Poor Kids.
Santa Hates Poor Kids.

And if you ain’t got money then he ain’t coming.
Nothing under your tree tonight!
Santa Hates Poor Kids.

Fuck you Santa! You fat motherfucker!
How’d you get so big? You been drinking butter?
Always acting jolly, I ain’t buying into that.
And why you always trying to get kids to sit on your lap?
I heard you touch Scottish boys under the kilt.
Hey Fatty Clause! Stop eating my cookies and milk!
Or I’m going to go to the North Pole and enroll you in gym class.
And next year I’m leaving diet pills and Slim Fast.
You see me while I’m sleeping You creep me out.
And while you watching me why you got to take your penis out?
So bring it Santa! I’m not afraid to fight, bitch!
I’ll whoop you ass and take a shit on your nice list!
I want to take you out in the worst way.
If you’re a saint? Why’d you steal Jesus’ birthday?
So keep your dumb gifts Santa, we don’t need you!
And tell the Tooth Fairy, she’s a cheap bitch too!

[Chorus]
Santa Hates Poor Kids, come on.
Santa Hates Poor Kids.

And if you ain’t got money then he ain’t coming.
Nothing under your tree tonight!
Santa Hates Poor Kids.

And God bless us everyone!
Shut the hell up Tiny Tim! You’re not helping!