Weird Al Yankovic - Headline News Lyrics






Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

[whip sound] Ahh

Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better [ding sound]
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
[thwack sound] Ahh
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

They got paid for their sound bites
And sold their TV movie rights

And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there

Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)

(There were, there is)
(There were, there is)





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Weird Al Yankovic Headline News Comments
  1. M.... E....

    Harding kerrigan Bobbitt

  2. M.... P....

    lol , I didn't know yet 😂

  3. M.... J....

    Nice cameo from Dr. Demento at the end.

  4. M.... H....

    God I hate this song but it's a good improvement

  5. T.... ....

    Even this version makes me want to cut my wrist

  6. G.... L....

    i am pretty sure your married so i am not sure why you keep popping up, but i have enjoyed your parodies since i was a kid. i am pretty sure you had something to do with finding that cassette tape on the playground. Lasagna and Fat, awesome songs.

    G.... L....

    And thank you "Not so weird A.I." you helped me with some really hard times.

    G.... L....

    Seems like you still are....

  7. B.... D....

    My dog started freaking out once the hand/fart noises began.

  8. C.... N....

    Oh that voice. 😊😊😊😊

  9. B.... B....

    Weird Al, Genius

  10. j.... n....

    Funny and creepy

  11. C.... M....

    I know the other stories are true, but what about the first one?

  12. T.... L....

    Better than the stupid original.

    T.... L....

    The original is good too, come on

  13. R.... A....

    I totally remember these headlines....my goodness i am old

  14. P.... W....

    Silly crazy fun yeah and the strange will inherit the earth.
    I am one of them. when Celebrity Deathmatch was still popular the Al Gore versus Weird Al match is an all time favorite of mine.
    I enjoy the sickamation and have been requesting that show to make a come back.

  15. w.... ....

    Is that Doug Llewellyn from The People's Court with the sumo wrestler at the end?

    w.... ....

    It sure is!

  16. L.... P....

    When you get two versions of a great song

  17. 4.... ....

    I remember when the movie about the figure skater came out with Margot Robbie as Tonya Harding, I immediately thought of this song as it was the first time I had heard of her.

  18. T.... n....

    Little offensive that he actually accuses Tonya of being behind hitting Nancy. I always thought it was her jerk of a husband. He wanted that paycheck that he thought an Olympic medal winner would bring in. She couldn't make money skating, so he dumped her. Then changed his name to Stone.

  19. W.... C....

    I prefer this parody over the original song by the Crash test dummies.

  20. J.... S....

    Literally as blue as Als humor ever gets.

  21. M.... K....

    Way better than the original

  22. G.... S....

    Fake news

  23. N.... K....

    Headline news

  24. S.... D....

    Doug Llewelyn and a sumo wrestler? 😯😶🤔

  25. S.... M....

    Was that Doug Lewallen from the People’s Court at the end?

    S.... M....

    Scott M - Yes, it was (assuming that you got the spelling right).

    S.... M....

    Egilhelmson I certainly wouldn’t assume that ;)

  26. J.... C....

    I'm here because of I, Tonya.

  27. T.... C....

    Both this and the original are truly magnificent

  28. M.... S....

    Nobody ain't talking about that elvis Presley picture back there?

  29. M.... P....

    Stupid men,crash test is amazing, brad roberts is a profesional vocalist

  30. S.... ....

    I had forgot about this song.

  31. L.... B....

    Whether or not I looked Weird Al there in 1994 is in the eye of the beholder

  32. b.... b....

    This might be his most underrated song since it didn't appear on a regular album.

    b.... b....

    b b Yup... was a single (I have it on cassette) with Christmas at Ground Zero on the flip side.

  33. S.... H....

    I didn’t know this existed. I don’t understand how that is possible

    S.... H....

    Because it was only on a greatest hits album.

    S.... H....

    _My other personalities don't know either and lol I'm not gonna tell them. 0.o_

  34. R.... V....

    The wiener bit was funny that's it

  35. f.... w....

    Never saw this before but damn, the accuracy of this one.
    Brilliant.

  36. R.... ....

    0:53 weird Al sing about Tonya Harding way before than Sufjan Stevens

  37. T.... ....

    Was that Dr Demento at 3:12?

  38. L.... B....

    When I become a grandma, I will sing this song in the same range as a lullaby 😄😄

  39. V.... R....

    How am I just now seeing this? Best Parody ever!!

  40. M.... H....

    A bit dark.

    M.... H....

    Yet still funny.

    M.... H....

    @Matt Hartman Mainly because it was all based on news stories.
    But he left out the part where Mr Happy was re-attached and John Wayne Bobbit made some porno movies.

  41. E.... S....

    PTSD kicking in 😝

    E.... S....

    Noo don't do this!

    E.... S....

    You Posch geek face mange tout

    E.... S....

    Call me mc and I'll mind El JR at new year 🤗😚

    E.... S....

    I want to see a toe tho. I'm not doing anything without seeing it first 😉any toe. Text it pluz

  42. p.... ....

    ahh middle school

  43. M.... M....

    KFAD GANG WYA

  44. H.... ....

    Thanks for sharing these three stories with us weird Al.

  45. L.... R....

    😄😄😄

  46. d.... ....

    I remember getting the Weird Al box set, which was the only way you could get this song back in the day. Every song was genius and remains so to this day

  47. T.... T....

    LMAO AW MAN MY RIBS!!! LOL ROTFMAO!!!

    Everything here actually happened. Lol🤣😄

  48. m.... r....

    The incomparable Judy Tenuta as Lorena Bobbitt.

  49. H.... L....

    1:15 "And So she hired a some guy to club her in the kneecap!" I dunno, but it had me laughing! Never knew he`d made this song!

  50. d.... ....

    Wow, has it really been TWENTY-FIVE YEARS — or more — since the incidents involving Michael Fay, Tonya & Nancy and the Bobbits happened? Nothing like seeing other commenters having to explain who these people are and why they were in the news ALL. THE. TIME. to make you feel old.

  51. M.... D....

    In 2014, I had to explain every single cultural reference in this video to my 13 year old son.

  52. D.... C....

    I believe Al should be in the Rock and roll GOD, no parody artist has had such a long career, ad stayed current and relevant

  53. D.... D....

    I just realized. The guy making fart noises at 2:49
    Isn't that the same guy who's in "I love Rocky Road"? Just with less hair.

  54. s.... ....

    By Crash Test Dummies. Just saying.

  55. A.... T....

    So true to the original song and video. Especially his facial expressions and "itd always just been there." Sucha genius!!

  56. C.... G....

    Just don't see enough Judy Tenuta

  57. f.... ....

    Such a great parody...and stealth commentary from the video.


    The so-called 'freaks' marveling at how screwed up 'regular' people are at the end of the day.

  58. c.... ....

    I lived in Singapore for a few months, they dont mess around in their country. That dude deserved what he got.

  59. J.... W....

    I remember the song he was spoofing. I also remember the actual news stories he was spoofing that happened in 1993/94.

  60. M.... W....

    Dr. Demento Cameo!

  61. D.... F....

    all those people are the weirdest weirdo's and you'll ever see

  62. t.... ....

    ...when you take a mediocre song and make it better, via parody.

  63. L.... W....

    2019 anyone?

  64. E.... X....

    1:36 when he has tape over his mouth while humming! XD

  65. A.... C....

    Weird Al's version, is actually better than the original

  66. O.... ....

    Soooo good

  67. E.... E....

    Onceee, there was kid whooo.... And then after a decade they decided to send him back from North Korea in a bag....I used to listen to "CRD" while playing the original "DOOM", Joined the Marines AND NOW am commenting on this WAVMV. You know nothing Snow. Anyway, Thank you. Anyone who misinterprets my meaning can GFY. Luv you All, let them fuckin' make this shit 'bout them. ... THEN explain the opposite. Haya Hyta Hya. as much Fun as thaT IS... We make as much as we do, but know as much is made, quid pro quo

  68. J.... M....

    sorry, but for me the best moment in the video is when the clubber whacks Nancy in kneecap. The sound effects and the shriek are fundamentally hilarious, the look on her face and the way she fell just crack me up!

  69. S.... C....

    OMG ! That Sumo needs a BRA ! LOL !

  70. T.... ....

    "Every time I come out with a new album it's a comeback album!" -Al :)

  71. K.... M....

    some light/moderate level pain bdsm in hurr

  72. A.... F....

    2:04 first time seeing this in decades..can't believe I'm only now noticing that's Judy Tenuta

    A.... F....

    Juuuuuuuuuuuudy!

  73. F.... N....

    doug llewelyn in the final scene....never noticed before

  74. A.... W....

    Absolutely shit!!

  75. t.... ....

    is that Kelsey Grammer at 0:48?

  76. C.... B....

    Tenuta looked really hot in this.

  77. M.... S....

    2:47 - and what instrument do you play?
    Squeaky hands.

  78. v.... ....

    Lol, my God, still hilarious today. You really are a genius.

  79. D.... C....

    Moving his lips around and then finally taping them is so subtle and so genius.

  80. U.... W....

    All I can say about this parody is . . . just to F-ING FUNNY!!!!

  81. P.... S....

    There is one mistake: in 1:34 skater was hit with baton into right knee, but in theater 2:25 left knee is fixed with bondage

  82. S.... R....

    Não gostei!Tenho censo de humor mas tudo e ridicularizado!Tenho 40 anos e amo essa musica!

  83. L.... ....

    At this very moment in time, I'm thinking that this could be your crowning achievement

  84. A.... S....

    Once there was this guy who...
    Became our president and then he...
    said some thing on Twitter....
    and then the News couldn't shut uuuup about him...
    mmmm mm mmm mm mmm mmmm

  85. L.... F....

    3:11 That's Dr, Demento! He "discovered" Weird Al.

  86. e.... H....

    The lost art of poking fun.

  87. T.... K....

    Epic hand farting

  88. A.... ....

    It's interesting to see what persisted in cultural memory, at least 25 years later. Bobbitt stuck the most, becoming shorthand for male genital injury. Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan's story came back to some attention from I, Tanya winning an Oscar for best supporting actress. But the only real thing that stuck from the boy getting beaten with a cane is that the wrestling company ECW introduced the "Singapore Cane" match/weapon and that name stuck.

  89. D.... S....

    dammit Al, you are a friggen genius, I know you love the accordian for whatever ungodly reason, whatever. please only use it as minimally as possible. please. really. please. look brother. i am from wisconsin. i swear that one of these days i will lose it and kill someone with their friggen accordian. i love you Al. please don't let it be you.

  90. k.... k....

    This Song was on No Album?

    k.... k....

    Pretty sure this was off of the "Running with Scissors" or from that era isn't it?..

    k.... k....

    @ This Had to be somewhere when he had the mustache and glasses. When 'Running With Scissors' Came, he didn't have the mustache or glasses from that Studio Album Onward!

  91. C.... J....

    Love Al but this was his worst.

  92. �.... �....

    Ох и ах как я долго искал э о!!!

  93. G.... A....

    These stories happened in my childhood, I remember them well, especially the Tonya Harding one!

  94. M.... H....

    Lmao this song never gets old

  95. b.... b....

    I'd easily trade today's world for those times. :(

  96. D.... M....

    The fat guy looks exactly like the guy that was involved in the Tanya Harding incident.