Weird Al Yankovic - Hardware Store Lyrics

I am sad this song does not play in hardware stores

This is one of the greatest songs ever!

Two words: Automatic circumcisers

LYRICS:
Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news
He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"
Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June
For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line
Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically
And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball-peen hammer free
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
Would you look at all that stuff
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers
I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

Random thought, but has it ever been considered to use weird als work in a broadway musical? Its been done with other bands(Mama Mia, Rock of Ages, American Idiot), and the success of shows like book of mormon show that comedies can have huge success and a song like this would energize a crowd

Lyrics:
Nothin' ever (ever) happens in this town
Feelin' low down (down), not a lot to do around here
I thought that I would go right out of my mind
Until a friend told me the news

He said, "Hey, you know that vacant lot
Right beside the gas station? Well, somebody bought it
And on that spot they're gonna build a shop
Where we can go buy bolts and screws"

Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair
'Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June

For this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive
'Cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Well, I hope they open soon

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

In my sleeping bag I camped out overnight
Right in front of the store, then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know, I had to be first in line

Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Want a pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws? Very, very soon
One of them will be all mine

Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles
All arranged alphabetically

And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer
Will get a ball-peen hammer free

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

Would you look at all that stuff
They've got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

I can't wait, (no I) I can't wait (oh when)
When are they gonna open up the door?
I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

I'm goin' (yes I'm) goin', I'm a-goin' to the
Goin' to the (hard) ware I'm goin', really goin' to the
Goin' (hard) I'm goin' to the (hard) oh yes, I'm goin' to the
Hardware store

Hank hill liked this song

Weird Al's lung capacity is the stuff of legends.

I can't wait

I first heard this song when i was 13, nothing has ever compared to the difficulty of singing this song

I forgot about this song from my childhood. Weird Al's voice is always great but I fucking love the instrumentation in this song.

My dad insisted on blasting this in the car, and honestly I’m thankful he did

Eminem: *sings fast part of rap god*

Weird Al: That's cute. Now hold my beer. *inhales* *sings the hardware store inventory*

It's a shame there's no video for this album & sales suffered as a result, there's some real cracking songs on it- this being one.

i'm so glad this song was in youtube suggestions today :D

Who would win
Eminem
Or Weird al

I get a huge Phineas and Ferb vibe from this for some reason

My 9 year just found Weird Al and I work at a hardware store. He has said my store needs to play this song.

Hes right. Smart kid

Congratulations, your kid is destined for nothing but greatness.

*A U T O M A T I C C I R C U M C I S E R S*

Automatic circumsicer

Waaaaaa!

i'm goin.... goin I'm a goin

The theme song of every father in America.

2:20 lol finally i heard this awesome stuff again after 9years

So, he is cheesesandwich? ...damn

I solve practical problems.

Jay_cee from Twitch sent me here. he already did great on tense 2:20 part

Great choice on which Football Stand Tune to use

I dont want to know what an automatic circumsizer is.

It strips wires.

But if you ever do, there are so many comments explaining it here. ;)

Nothing ever (ever) happens in this town
Feeling low down (down) not alot to do around here
I thought I would go right outta my mind until a friend told me the news
He said (hey) you that vacant lot right beside the gas station
Well somebody bought it
And on the spot they're gonna build a shop where we can go buy bolts and screws
Since then I've been walking on air (air)
I can barely brush my teeth or comb my hair

Cause I'm so excited and I really don't care
I've been waiting since last June for this day to finally arrive
I'm so happy (happy) now just to be alive cause any minute now I'm gonna be inside
Oh I hope they open soon
I can't wait no

I can't wait
When're they gonna open up that door?
I'm going (yes I'm going) I'm going to the goin to the (hard) ware
I'm going, really going to the going to the
I'm going to the (hard) oh yes I'm going to the hardware store
In my sleeping bag, I camped out overnight right in-front of the store
Then as soon as it was light out
I pressed my nose right up against the glass
You know I had to be first in line

Gonna get me a flashlight and a broom
Wanna pair of pliers for every single room of my house
See those hacksaws very very soon one of them will be all mine
Guys with nametags walking down the aisles
Rows of garden hoses that go on for miles and miles
Brand new socket wrenches in a plethora of styles all arranged alphabetically
And they're doing a promotional stunt
There's a great big purple sign out front
That says every 27th customer will get a ball-peen hammer free
I can't wait no

I can't wait
When're they gonna open up that door?

I'm going (yes I'm going) I'm going to the goin to the (hard) ware
I'm going, really going to the going to the
I'm going to the (hard) oh yes I'm going to the hardware store
I'm going (yes I'm going) I'm going to the goin to the (hard) ware
I'm going, really going to the going to the
I'm going to the (hard) oh yes I'm going to the hardware store
Would you look at all that stuff.

They got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, ankle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

I can't wait no

I can't wait
When're they gonna open up that door?

I'm going (yes I'm going) I'm going to the goin to the (hard) ware
I'm going, really going to the going to the
I'm going to the (hard) oh yes I'm going to the hardware store
I'm going (yes I'm going) I'm going to the goin to the (hard) ware
I'm going, really going to the going to the
I'm going to the (hard) oh yes I'm going to the hardware store

I'm going (yes I'm going) I'm going to the goin to the (hard) ware
I'm going, really going to the going to the
I'm going to the (hard) oh yes I'm going to the
Hardware store

Eyy thanks my dude couldn't go on living if someone wasn't gonna post the lyrics up in these comments. Was about to do it myself

Because that’s what heroes do

Dennis The Menace Well people only like to post the part with the things you could buy at this theoretical hardware store

@Not From Denmark And thats the one part I can't sing along to regardless of if I have the lyrics in front of me

https://youtu.be/1FwtC-1bpx0 came from this video I LOVE THIS SONG

...good god. I thought myself the king of speed rap when I performed both Rap God and Guns And Ships in one sitting, then I rediscovered this perfectly-enunciated nightmare.

Rap God got nothin' on this shit.

Normal people: weird Al has such an amazing flow in his song "white and nerdy", it puts him together with some of the best rappers
Weird al fans: sit down kid, and let me tell you a story about a magical place called the hardware store...

Not only is that part incredibly fast, but there's a 5 voice harmony!!

What if Al Yankovic came running to you like Crash bandicoot and he did a funny spin

I wouldn't question it or even think it's out of the ordinary

He makes going to the hardware store sound like going to a convention

Every time he says "bug deflectors" I only hear "motherf***ers."

THANK GOD I WASNT THE ONLY ONE

You should check out the parody called Dumbledore by Steve Goodie.

I'll take free ball peen hammer F it

I think this may have been the first weird al song i ever heard

I now want to go to my local hardware store

This song always reminds me of the Madam Blueberry Episode of the old Veggie Tales cartoons.

Working at a Home Depot warehouse I feel this should be our theme song.

2:21 I dare someone to use that as a secret club password.

😂👍

"I'm sorry, you forgot 'copper wires,' we can't let you in."

2:23 Imagine ordering like this at fast food restaurants hahaha

https://youtu.be/SXijPE7cvXc

It's not as fast, but this is what it would be like

They should use this song in an episode of Milo Murphy’s Law

I first found this song on a World of Warcraft video XD

Strangely enough, this song reminds me of Phineas and Ferb. Is it just me?

Funny you mention that as the creators of that show got Weird Al to voice the main character of their second series, "Milo Murphy's Law", so they're obviously fans. Though this is likely just a coincidence since this song predates Phineas and Ferb by quite a few years.

@fanny3211
I've heard of Milo Murphy's Law, but never seen it. Maybe I'll give it a try...

2:05 this is actually faster than this part in rap god.
sama lamaa duma lamaa you assuming I'm a human
What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman
Innovative and I'm made of rubber
So that anything you say is ricocheting off of me and it'll glue to you
I'm devastating, more than ever demonstrating
How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating
Never fading, and I know that the haters are forever waiting
For the day that they can say I fell off, they'd be celebrating
'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated
I make elevating music, you make elevator music
i'm an eminem fan to the max, but 2:05 here is factually faster than the aforementioned verse

I can imagine so many amazing tiktoks being made from just this one song

Stop. Nothing good has from that hellhole

The poodle is adorable. It looks like you Al.

Only Weird Al can make me excited to ever go to the hardware store

lol, we had a monthly building contest in our lego store a few months ago with the theme "Build your favourite song": I tried to build "Hardware Store" with all the things that are named in this song... I gave up after 40 items :P

Fr can't look at this without thinking of oney's animation.

Al needs to make a polka compilation of his original songs

Who knew Weird Al beat Eminem to his game by 10 years? Like damn, he's belting it out at 1,000,000 mph at 2:22.

aaaand its stuck in my head. i cant stop listening to this freaking song! such a good problem to have lmao

*santa:hohoho what do you want for Christmas little boy? *boy: "allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers" (all in one breath)

Rap God

2:36 mother fuckers WHAT!?

I heard every 27th commenter gets a ball-peen hammer, free.

I remember I was like 8 or 9 and this was my very favorite song wow the nostalgia of hearing this years later

X2 Speed

Boxxy approves of this

2:22 They got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvres, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire guages, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers.

y u copy lyrics

Keeping up with reading this while listening was pretty hard haha

Best 4 minutes ever spent

AUTOMATIC CIRCUMISIZERS?

This osu map is my favorite

Oh god that sounds like a living hell

This was my town when Ollies, a closeout discount store, came in. Couldn't get a good spot for a good 6 months after. Still hardly can........

I WANT TO GO TO THE HARDWARE STORE NOW!!

You know your hardware store is good if it has candy and snacks

I wonder if any radio station has ran a contest with an award for someone who can perform this live? Weird Al refuses to try it himself.

In my humble opinion, this is Weird Al's show of force, his Bohemian Rhapsody, his masterpiece.

Genius in France is also on this album which is fucking amazing.

I don't know, I felt Albuquerque was more like that. But I'm partial to that way-too-fucking-long anecdote.

That would be Albuquerque

dude, every song of his is amazing. this one is definitely a bop though

Is it wired that I play this on my ipod everytime I make a trip to home depot?

What do you mean by wired?

All these years and I'm still trying to learn that breakdown

Absolutely love this song 💜💜💜💜

Okay, I have to admit it. I actually like this song. xD

Is that song really not a parody of a particular song or artist? I really want to find more songs that sound like that.

Automatic circumcisers.

This is the first time I've heard this song on something other than a scratchy cassette or a horribly compressed youtube video. It's bizarre to suddenly hear it in so much detail...

The hits just keep on coming...

now put it on 2x speed

I should really take a week off to memorize these lyrics.

Weird Al just might be a genius

might?! I say there's no question about it😂😋😛😘👍

This song has one of the best hooks in existence.

I can't wait!

Absolutely.

I think its the radar love hook.

Watch It-Kutch ft. Ryan Quicksand - Hardware Store (2006)

2015 Hyundai Elantra GT
2010 Kia Soul
2019 Volvo XC40
2002 Subaru Forester
2008 Volkswagen Tiguan

This is the song that got me into Weird Al. I only have to thank that WoW music video for this... wish there was another way I learnt of this song...

Hank Hill would SURE love this song. I tell you what...

0:53 this is my fav part

This is by far Weird Al’s Best.

A gif brought me here

Me at gamestop

Everytime I go into a Lowes or a Menards, or any other hardware store I play this.

I remember that hardware store. They opened it up across the highway from Spatula City.

Reminds me, I'm a bit hungry. Is there a Krusty Krab anywhere nearby?

Yes. Thanks for making my day.