Weird Al Yankovic - Close But No Cigar Lyrics
Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why
And I told her, I said
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!"
Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Momma Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soulmate finally
But one day I found OUT she actually owned a copy
Of Joe Dirt on DVD
Oh, no! I said
"Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(Oh, yeah!)
(Oh, no!)
(ALL RIGHT!)
[Hand claps, trumpet solo]
Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo
And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to #1 on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionare
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist
Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big
I said
"Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!"
Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close! (No cigar!)
But no cigar!
Other Lyrics by Artist
- Weird Al Yankovic - Dead Car Battery Blues
- Weird Al Yankovic - Inactive
- Weird Al Yankovic - Mission Statement
- Weird Al Yankovic - Now That's What I Call Polka!
- Weird Al Yankovic - My Own Eyes
- Weird Al Yankovic - Word Crimes
- Weird Al Yankovic - Sports Song
- Weird Al Yankovic - Foil
- Weird Al Yankovic - Lame Claim To Fame
- Weird Al Yankovic - Handy
- Weird Al Yankovic - Stop Forwarding That Crap To Me
- Weird Al Yankovic - Whatever You Like
- Weird Al Yankovic - If That Isn't Love
- Weird Al Yankovic - Another Tattoo
- Weird Al Yankovic - First World Problems
- Weird Al Yankovic - Tacky
- Weird Al Yankovic - Jackson Park Express
- Weird Al Yankovic - Crampton Comes Alive
Rand Lyrics
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Weird Al Yankovic Close But No Cigar Comments
Yeah, I devour my Girlfriend because she has a small pimple on her face
The Ren and stimpy reboot looks pretty good
Cake fans in 2020...
2:38 I just noticed that if you look really closely, you could see Julie's outie fall out of her belly button 😂
Lyrics: Jillian was her name
She was sweeter than aspartame
Her kisses reconfigured my DNA
And after that I never was the same
And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way
Except she was always using the word "infer"
When she obviously meant "imply"
And I know some guys would put up with that kind of thing
But frankly, I can't imagine why
And I told her, I said
Hey! Are we playing horseshoes, honey?
No, I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
But no cigar!
Then I met sweet young Janet
Prettiest thing on the planet
Had a body hotter than a habanjero
She had lips like a ripe pomegranate
And I was crazy like Manson about her
She got me all choked up like Mama Cass
She had a smile so incredibly radiant
You had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass
I thought after all these years of searching around
I'd found my soul mate finally
But one day I found out she actually owned a copy
Of Joe dirt on DVD
Oh, no! I said
Hey! Are we lobbing hand grenades, kiddo?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
Oh, so very close! (Close!)
Yeah, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
Oh, yeah!
Oh, no!
Hurray!
Julie played water polo
She wore a ribbon on her left manolo
She had me sweating like Nixon every time she was near
My heart was beating like a Buddy Rich solo
And she was everything I've dreamed of
She moved right up to number one on my list
And did I mention she's a world famous billionaire
Bikini supermodel astrophysicist
Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron
Look like a big fat slobbering pig
The only caveat is one of her earlobes
Was just a little tiny bit too big
I said
Hey! Are we doing government work here?
No I don't think we are!
You're close! (Close!)
So very, very close! (Close!)
Aaw, baby, you're close! (Close!)
So close!
But no cigar!
Missed it by that much! (No cigar!)
Ah, yeah! Ah, right! (No cigar!)
Really, really, really close!
But no cigar!
Why the animations good song but why
Then the cat was arrested for murder. This cat had more gfs then I have. They were all thicc, CAT JESUS SETTLE FOR ONE
why is everybody talking about john k? nowhere does it say anything about john k...
He's the one who animated the video.
https://weirdal.fandom.com/wiki/Close_But_No_Cigar
@EffZero oh ok thanks
you know its gonna be weird when you got John K. on production
Look John K Drew It
Are you inferring my slightly larger earlobe allows me to hear my Joe Dirt DVD better? Only WA could out-Cake Cake. Either way, give it up for the bass player already.
Is the art style supposed to be reminiscent of Ren & Stimpy, or was it made by the same person who made R&S?
Yeah, it was made by John K, who was the creator of Ren and Stimpy
cake :)
0:12
*me drinking the bathwater like bud light*
whats wrong with joe dirt??!! Seriously...... UK guy, loved that film, love david spade.... no?
Not cool killing and eating ladies!
gamer girl bathwater
Al must've been like "see the music video for Primus- Tommy the Cat.. I want that but weirder."
Without animation: Romantic song with weird parts
With animation: What the f*ck is this?!
he should of kept the second one ;)
i miss you by björk energy
the cat do be vibin' do
That animation was questionable
Anyone notice how Julie had her belly button literally pop out several times?
The song: mmmm yes
The man who animated it: no
The animation: mmmm yes
John K animated this
Getting a ren and stimpy vibe
Who drew the animation?
I Don't Get The End!
This man took Gamer Girl Water and Vore to the next level
This song seems to be targeted towards "nice guy" neckbeards with waifu anime avatars.
Lol thas because it is
Underated ..
The only bigger deal breaker would be finding out she listened to Weird Al, like some kind of incel...
This. Has. Blood
I refuse to believe that this was made in 2009
i can't describe the sound but a part of the intrumental reminds me of eyes like the sky
Owning Joe Dirt on DvD is a deal breaker lol
Is this supposed to be style parody of the band "Cake"?
Red and stimpy vibes
0:08 Didn’t know weird al was sexist.
1:39
I Forgot How Straight Outta Lynwood Was Al's 'Underrated Album' and I Like All His Albums!
And here I was thinking a few days ago how John K's music video for Björk's - "I Miss You" was odd then today I see this...
Takes Me Back To Middle School!
What the f#\%
3:27 - YK Osiris
was the art and animation inspired by björk - i miss you ?
Same animator! Its just john k's art style. Dont support him though, he diddles kids
@scrummy bingus What he really does that to kids???
Check out his live performance and see if you think it's better than this animated video for this song.
https://youtu.be/W_kooRTnAbk
Personally, I think his live performance is sooooooooo much better.
I’m sorry jon
Quick comment. *All of these girls are attracted to feline animals*
Am I the only person who sings along?
Sweet AND *young* h m m m
Now I have to say, there's an ''all right'' at 2.27 to 2.29 ish, that sounds exactly like Jack Black.
Animator: Polanski-tier Hollywood trash-human.
Music: Squeekiest-clean being in the history of American celebraties.
Odd pairing.
John K is a great Animater
So the cat is a representation of some of the worst husbands ever besides the eating part
I think I figured out why John Kricfalusi made Cigarettes the Cat the main character in this music video.
Maybe it would’ve been tougher to draw and animate Al himself.
He's a butt guy
I got this on the CD!!
Don't read this. You will be kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Now you've started reading this don't stop this is so freaky. But if you read this and ignore it then you will have very bad luck. Put this on 15 songs in 144 mins. When you are done press space bar and your crushes name will appear in big letters on the screen this is so freaky it actually works
i dont get it
Nobody:
My brain:
Julian: jojo *_swaaaahhh_*
Janet: tomato paste
Julie: Indian texas bendy straw
OK IL WATCH IT GO AWAY
an ass man
D😺💵ad's super heart.🐱💷
girls be into beast reality
It's always so nice to see Katie Rice's work
you can solve the problem by dating men instant it's way easier
Love makes me wanna disembowel rodents too.
What was wrong with the Joe Dirt DVD? 😂
6 times this cat is missing a pattern or has different nose or eye color
What song is this of a parody of?
It's a parody the style of the band CAKE. No particular song though.
Welcome to another episode of why this is on my recommended!
Joe Dirt on DVD? I'd shrink and eat you too, you horrible monster!
This video obviously wasn’t 3:56 it was longer
This feels like a wild LSD trip
3 murders happen evdince a full bath a cope of Joe dirt on DVD and one doller
2:57- Holy crap, they reused a background from the infamous "Ren Seeks Help"!
Al singing this in concert is sooo much better than this video.
https://youtu.be/W_kooRTnAbk
That vibraslap puts his performance over the top.
2020 anyone!?!?!?!?
Ah, John Kricfalusi. His career may have gone down the toilet with Adult Party Cartoon, and yes, he’s a total cynic who’s hard to work with, and so on and on...
But his animation style is great. That’s one thing. And that’s one of the key factors behind this music video’s level of phenomenal.
🆈🅾🆄 🅺🅽🅾🆆 🆆🅷🅰🆃 🆃🅷🅴🆈 🆂🅰🆈
🅱🅰🆉🅸🅽🅶🅰
1:03
when someone eats the last chicken nugget so i eat them
the animation is so wiered and i love it
>Turning down a girl because she owns Joe Dirt on DVD
That's clearly the biggest benefit out of the entire song's cast of girls' list of benefits.
That cat drank bath water before it was cool
3:35 are we just not gonna mention that cat at the bottoms face?
*Das a cutie*
John K. wasn’t a great person, but damn his style of animation was gnarly
I have no proof but I get a feeling that Weird Al was never a big fan of the video himself.
This is some kind of Ren and Stimpy shit
Watch this, it's much better. Al knows how to get the most out of a vibraslap.
https://youtu.be/W_kooRTnAbk
the creator animated this
This cat is a jerk
that cat is going to be put down on a count of eating three humans alive
This feels similar to Ren and Stimpy
What the HELL is this art style
John K for ya
Is it CAKE that plays?
https://youtu.be/W_kooRTnAbk
Does this answer your question?
2.6k people have no sense of humor, the animation is really hot.
Wtf ! Did julies belly button just fall off?
Funny, second time this week that I see a music video animated by John K , both of them featured girls in bathubs, the other one is "I miss you-Bjork".
Definitely a fetish
I think of Ren and Stimpy when I watch this
Remember Seinfeld's girlfriends all had a fault he couldn't live with... now, was it that all the girls had faults, or was the real fault his? After 66 of them, the answer was obvious. Of course, that was part of the comedy of it all.