Waits, Tom - Step Right Up Lyrics






Step right up, step right up, step right up,
Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
That's right, you too can be the proud owner
Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales
You need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
Something for the little lady, hmm
Three for a dollar
We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
They come in all colors, one size fits all
No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
Going out of business sale
Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
Don't settle for less
How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume
Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
Don't be caught with your drawers down,
Don't be caught with your drawers down
You can step right up, step right up

That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
And it finds that slipper that's been at large
under the chaise lounge for several weeks
And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up

'Cause it forges your signature
If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
For complete refund of price of purchase
Step right up
Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations
You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
Swim in it, sleep in it,
Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right
And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
Tired of being the life of the party?
Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
See you later alligator
And it steals your car
It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
It's a friend, and it's a companion,
And it's the only product you will ever need
Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing
Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job
And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,
And it gives you denture breath
And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
Never needs winding, never needs winding
Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,
It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
It gives you an erection, it wins the election
Why put up with painful corns any longer?
It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home
We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
We need your business, we're going out of business
We'll give you the business
Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
Receive our free brochure, free brochure
Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included
Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
Step right up, step right up, step right up
You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away
Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
C'mon step right up
(Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,
C'mon and step right up





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Waits, Tom Step Right Up Comments
  1. f.... ....

    Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,

  2. R.... S....

    on a dice game in reno. TURN UP THE VOLUME.... livin it, lovin it...... bartender jammie porter would sing this at bugzies downstairs....rockettebob

  3. c.... p....

    I fell in love with my husband when he played this song on our first date. I knew I wanted him to play the soundtrack to our life together, and he has...

    c.... p....

    The stuff of dreams... Fantastic.

  4. C.... R....

    Happy 70th from Helsinki, Tom.

  5. W.... E....

    Great music, sounds like he has Smoked Cigarettes since he was 10. Added uniqueness to his voice.

  6. B.... L....

    WBGO 88.3

  7. C.... G....

    The best EVER!! Black Friday!!!!!!

  8. 2.... s....

    Featuring Lew Tabackin on tenor and Shelly Manne on drums.

  9. D.... ....

    Love it! 😁👌

  10. A.... A....

    I saw him in Canton, Michigan about 40 years ago. It was the best concert ever! He came out for, if I remember correctly, eight encores. On the last one he asked what the hell the audience wanted. It was simple: We didn't want the magical night to end. The venue has long since been razed, but the memory of that night is wonderful.

  11. c.... s....

    Tom Waits is the Charles Bukowski (who Tom loves and emulates. Charles is the poet of bar rooms and the grit of a hard life. Tom Waits is a unique genius. Man what a real guy.I know guys like this. Hard drinking hard living prophets. ..TJ STRUSKA

  12. Z.... B....

    Fuckin' crazy, true genius 👑👑👑👑👑😘😘😘😘😘

  13. S.... G....

    2:36 "Change yourself into a 9 year old Hindu boy and get rid of your wife." 😀😀😀

  14. J.... T....

    I fucking love this dude

  15. T.... G....

    Probably the first rap song ever!

  16. c.... s....

    Hey Pal, l got shoes suit coats, you look like a 42 long. Hows about we throw in a wristwatch--TJ STRUSKA

  17. N.... H....

    After I heard this song I tried to get as many Tom Waits' albums as I could. Outstanding! The album cover for my record with "Step Right Up" on it said for the lyrics send a dead creeping charlie to an address. Too funny!

  18. S.... R....

    I played this with my cat around and now it smokes Malboro Reds.

    S.... R....

    He should try unfiltered Lucky Strikes!

    S.... R....

    That's the most perfect comment on a tom waits song I have ever seen! I look for writing in comments that inspires me, this just hits it....thank you!

    S.... R....

    That is funny and a perfect description

  19. K.... S....

    It would have been a real hoot to be in the audience that night 1975. Man those were the days he was too cool for school love you Tommy

  20. W.... ....

    Does anyone know where I can buy one?

    W.... ....

    50% off for you

  21. I.... ....

    Christ you don't know the meaning of heartbreak. Low key only negative

  22. K.... G....

    A 40 year old voice that has been smoking for 60 years!

  23. E.... E....

    George Carlin: Advertising Lullaby....

  24. M.... S....

    hamana hamana hamana

  25. S.... M....

    And it's not available in any store.

  26. B.... S....

    I'm sold!!

  27. d.... ....

    It IS a job.

  28. j.... o....

    2:36 Change into a 9 year old Hindu boy....that prefers PewDiePie to T-series...sub right up

  29. M.... ....

    That about covers it

  30. S.... T....

    Pull up Waites' performance on Austin City Limits. It'll explain everything about him in a grand way.

    S.... T....

    Thanks! Heading there now... The entire episode isn't available, but it's worth digging into.

  31. D.... F....

    The only song you will ever need, so STEP RIGHT UP!

  32. C.... A....

    Who else came here because of "Today I Found Out?"...and then found this to be TOTALLY hilarious, relatable, tangible, intagible free for a dollar rocking poppin'

    Damn now he's got ME doing it!

    😂😂😂😂😂😂

  33. L.... A....

    Would this be considered scat singing?

    L.... A....

    No. Scat singing is with nonsense syllables. This is improvisation.

  34. N.... B....

    Man this is a straight up beatnik song. Fucking love it! God bless tom waits

  35. R.... B....

    This is brilliant!

  36. S.... S....

    One of Waits' most popular songs...really sells Chicago Jazz!!!

  37. J.... M....

    Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,

  38. b.... ....

    reminds me of a George Carlin monologue....

  39. L.... G....

    " Gives you an erection, it wins the election"
    Isn't that the same thing for some people ?

    L.... G....

    Sadly, it doesn't make hush money payments for you.

    L.... G....

    I scrolled past this right as it played in the song lol

  40. H.... F....

    The pitchman!

  41. J.... C....

    Bennetton ? What’s going on around here. Year to year, ear to ear, can you hear me now, holy cow, tiger by the tongue, moose knuckle got the camels toe.

  42. f.... ....

    When the candy man showed up in the bar where I used to work, we'd play that song so everyone would know he was here. :-))))

    f.... ....

    Most people do not know what you were talking about!

    f.... ....

    Most people do not know what you were talking about.

    f.... ....

    @Larry Linn It's not that hard to figure out, even for people who don't do drugs.

  43. F.... B....

    Tom's off.

  44. J.... W....

    Come one, come all!

  45. G.... R....

    New, improved, it's old fashioned...

  46. c.... w....

    The customer is always right

  47. A.... K....

    @4:49 "getawayfrommekidwhaya!!!"

  48. D.... E....

    who even are those 24 people ...?

    D.... E....

    Sales reps

  49. R.... M....

    Wanted to have this song playing in the background for our garage sale...but my wife wouldn't let me. I probably pushed it too far when I walked out there wearing a fedora, sun glasses, and playing harmonica.

    R.... M....

    I'm adding that to my business plan.

    R.... M....

    As long as you weren't wearing a bathrobe and black socks

    R.... M....

    If there is a fedora involved, you've always gone too far. Never the fedora. Never.

    R.... M....

    " You can leave your hat on" Joe Cocker

    R.... M....

    Right on..I put it on strata with my house clean up, throw out..become minimal. This is perfect for a yard sale..repeat...put it on repeat!

  50. D.... S....

    as close as you'll ever get to understanding

  51. L.... S....

    That GROOVE..!

  52. P.... R....

    All I can say is wow weeee !!!

  53. P.... ....

    Love, Johnsburg il

  54. P.... ....

    Gives him an erection?

    P.... ....

    Wins the election!

  55. V.... K....

    What's this song about?

    V.... K....

    waits says it's "an indictment of advertising".

    V.... K....

    Three minutes

    V.... K....

    Jesus christ. The clue is in the lyrics: every one of ‘em. It’s the only product you will ever need baby! Step right up!

  56. V.... S....

    Sounds like a cool product; what's it called again?

  57. M.... C....

    ok i gonna listen to Diamonds on my windshield, Small Change, Walking Spanish, Heart attack and vine, Gun street girl, Franks Wild Years ... then Midtown, followed by The piano has been drinkin', Blue valentine, .. then take in a lil' Virginia Avenue .. before watching Big Time - Tom waits ... (then mabbe moving on to a little bit of Jake Thackray) ....omg .. Clap hands ... Rain dogs .. this guy rules ... enjoy <3 xx ty @TW x <3

  58. c.... ....

    Thanks for this. I am about to step out into the world laughing.

  59. J.... H....

    it delivers a pizza!! LOL!!

  60. l.... t....

    We got smoke damaged furniture you can drive it away today!

  61. D.... ....

    This song hasn't been irrelevant since it was born.
    And it's so f**king danceable.
    STEP RIGHT UP.

  62. A.... F....

    Step Right Up
    Tom Waits
    Step right up, step right up, step right up,
    Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
    That's right, you too can be the proud owner
    Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
    One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales
    You need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
    Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
    Something for the little lady, hmm
    Three for a dollar
    We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
    And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
    Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
    They come in all colors, one size fits all
    No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
    Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
    Going out of business sale
    Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
    Don't settle for less
    How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume
    Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
    Don't be caught with your drawers down,
    Don't be caught with your drawers down
    You can step right up, step right up
    That's right, it fillets, it chops, it dices, slices,
    Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
    And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
    It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
    It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
    And it finds that slipper that's been at large
    Under the chaise lounge for several weeks
    And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
    It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
    And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up
    'Cause it forges your signature
    If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
    For complete refund of price of purchase
    Step right up
    Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations
    You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Swim in it, sleep in it,
    Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right
    And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
    Tired of being the life of the party?
    Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
    Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
    And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
    Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
    See you later alligator
    And it steals your car
    It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
    It's a friend, and it's a companion,
    And it's the only product you will ever need
    Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing
    Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
    Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job
    And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,
    And it gives you denture breath
    And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
    And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
    It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
    Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
    Never needs winding, never needs winding
    Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,
    It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
    It gives you an erection, it wins the election
    Why put up with painful corns any longer?
    It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home
    We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
    How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
    We need your business, we're going out of business
    We'll give you the business
    Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
    Receive our free brochure, free brochure
    Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included
    Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
    Step right up, step right up, step right up
    You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away
    Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
    C'mon step right up
    (Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
    Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,
    C'mon and step right up
    Songwriters: Elijah Abbott Jones / Tom Waits / Ben Allen
    Step Right Up lyrics © BMG Rights Management US, LLC

  63. A.... F....

    dis bee 1 ah dah gratest sartirisal pomes ah alll timesss ! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGShQsxiy1c

  64. l.... l....

    "Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon"

  65. L.... M....

    Step right up, step right up, step right up,
    Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
    That's right, you too can be the proud owner
    Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
    One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales
    You need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
    Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
    Something for the little lady, hmm
    Three for a dollar
    We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
    And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
    Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
    They come in all colors, one size fits all
    No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
    Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
    Going out of business sale
    Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
    Don't settle for less
    How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume
    Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
    Don't be caught with your drawers down,
    Don't be caught with your drawers down
    You can step right up, step right up
    That's right, it fillets, it chops, it dices, slices,
    Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
    And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
    It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
    It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
    And it finds that slipper that's been at large
    Under the chaise lounge for several weeks
    And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
    It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
    And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up
    'Cause it forges your signature
    If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
    For complete refund of price of purchase
    Step right up
    Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations
    You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Swim in it, sleep in it,
    Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right
    And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
    Tired of being the life of the party?
    Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
    Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
    And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
    Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
    See you later alligator
    And it steals your car
    It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
    It's a friend, and it's a companion,
    And it's the only product you will ever need
    Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing
    Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
    Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job
    And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,
    And it gives you denture breath
    And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
    And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
    It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
    Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
    Never needs winding, never needs winding
    Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,
    It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
    It gives you an erection, it wins the election
    Why put up with painful corns any longer?
    It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home
    We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
    How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
    We need your business, we're going out of business
    We'll give you the business
    Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
    Receive our free brochure, free brochure
    Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included
    Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
    Step right up, step right up, step right up
    You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away
    Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
    C'mon step right up
    (Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
    Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,
    C'mon and step right up

    Songwriters: Elijah Abbott Jones / Tom Waits / Ben Allen

  66. z.... ....

    This guy is talented as hell, wow is he good!

  67. A.... C....

    Turn a sandwich into a banquet!

  68. T.... J....

    It IS a job!

  69. B.... S....

    rapping Tom Waits style

    B.... S....

    Finally some rap worth listening to then...

  70. g.... ....

    "Gets rid of blackheads, heartbreak of psoriasis -- Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy." This song is a masterpiece, and sadly, unless you're of a certain age as I am or a seriously nerd-class student of advertising history, most of these references might as well be in Mandarin Chinese. But this is my favorite line. I actually go back and play it over when I hear it. Genius.

  71. C.... G....

    get away from me kid, you bother me

    C.... G....

    Agree. With actual talent. Tom, that is.

  72. P.... P....

    Binyot was here

  73. s.... b....

    Put this in a yard sale and you become filthy rich

  74. J.... ....

    Eh step right up come on you know time to do the Mechrio time!

    J.... ....

    That was fast

  75. P.... L....

    GODDAMMIT VINNY!

  76. E.... P....

    storyteller.through music.a true artist.

  77. E.... ....

    Does any body has a recommendation for songs/playlist like this track?
    Its not a typical waits song i am searching for upbeaty dammed groovey smokey a bit dirty handmade stuff like this... So any recommendations?

    E.... ....

    Eflodur Black jazz & dance videos from the 1930s

  78. F.... M....

    brilliant

  79. E.... ....

    We should cherish this guy because he's now one of the few true geniuses left in the world of modern music...  He has encompassed so many styles and aced them all...  Long may you live young Tom.

    E.... ....

    EnoEverything: My sentiments exactly

  80. R.... J....

    Hard to believe Tom improvised this great track in one take.
    Features the brilliant Shelly Manne on drums : "You don't even know the meaning
    of the word heartbreak, buddy !" What a killer lyric.
    Saw him in London 1985, utterly magnificent. After he gave the names of the band,
    he introduced himself as Perry Como! A class act.

    The missing link between Howlin' Wolf and Lord Buckley.

    R.... J....

    Definitely not improvised. Carefully written lyrics.

  81. T.... C....

    Such a cool song! Love the bass!
    xoxo The Clarences

  82. m.... ....

    Geniuses..............do exist!

  83. H.... C....

    Lyrics

    Step right up, step right up, step right up,
    Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
    That's right, you too can be the proud owner
    Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
    One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales
    How 'bout perfume? We got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
    Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
    Something for the little lady, hmm
    Three for a dollar
    We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
    And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
    Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
    They come in all colors, one size fits all
    No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
    Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
    Going out of business sale
    Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
    Don't settle for less
    How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume
    Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
    Don't be caught with your drawers down,
    Don't be caught with your drawers down
    You can step right up, step right up
    That's right, it fillets, it chops, it dices, slices,
    Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
    And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
    It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
    It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
    And it finds that slipper that's been at large
    Under the chaise lounge for several weeks
    And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
    It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
    And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up
    'Cause it forges your signature
    If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
    For complete refund of price of purchase
    Step right up
    Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations
    You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Swim in it, sleep in it,
    Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right
    And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
    Tired of being the life of the party?
    Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
    Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
    And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
    Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
    See you later alligator
    And it steals your car
    It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
    It's a friend, and it's a companion,
    And it's the only product you will ever need
    Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing
    Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
    Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job
    And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,
    And it gives you denture breath
    And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
    And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
    It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
    Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
    Never needs winding, never needs winding
    Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,
    It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
    It gives you an erection, it wins the election
    Why put up with painful corns any longer?
    It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home
    We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
    How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
    We need your business, we're going out of business
    We'll give you the business
    Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
    Receive our free brochure, free brochure
    Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included
    Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
    Step right up, step right up, step right up
    You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away
    Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
    C'mon step right up
    (Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
    Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,
    C'mon and step right up.............................................

  84. L.... D....

    Never needs ironing!

  85. S.... G....

    Ok you "know" this Florida born & raised Harley loving Outlaw, jungle hunt'in, big game fishin saltly dogs shark snagging Gator catching, rattlesnake round-up kind of man, you mostly hit all my guitar play'inusical mind, within 10 years, found Tom Waits living in Chicago, let's all "STEP RIGHT UP" Thank you for letting me know someone out there something like me,! that's cool

  86. N.... C....

    Simple bass-line that you can hang the Eiffel tower on!

    N.... C....

    ...build the earth on 8 notes, agreed!

    N.... C....

    Very fun to play on electric bass, also.

    N.... C....

    ❤️❤️

    N.... C....

    It should get boring, but it just fucking WORKS

  87. M.... ....

    Tom...Talking about Your Distractions...Enjoy..

  88. j.... h....

    best song ever

  89. T.... I....

    This should be Donald Trump's theme song for his campaign

    T.... I....

    Gives you an erection

    T.... I....

    ...to win the election....
    without an inspection.....step right up!

    T.... I....

    DT's not quick enough on his feet to sing this song. It takes genius.

    T.... I....

    Congratulations my good sir/ma'am, you win the award for missing the point by the longest way! I am going to consult with astro-physicists to see if it is even possible to measure that amount of light years!

    T.... I....

    And Hillary didn't try to do same? Geez. Wake up. They are all corrupt.

  90. A.... 8....

    One of my favourite Tom waits Song, thing is with Tom waits whenever you listen to his songs you also picture him singing. Truly unique with great style

  91. T.... M....

    This sounds like Dr. John...

  92. D.... S....

    Really like the bass on this one... Basic simple foundation that lets the other players have most of the glory...but man, you could build a pyramid on it.... "Magical unknown mystery from aliens shit" we're talking.

    D.... S....

    D Strut this is a fantastic comment that deserves more recognition than it’s gotten

  93. S.... ....

    o ik - its depressing, disgusting, irritating - yuk

    S.... ....

    +Shep ZionsCRY Our world he's describing is all of those things, indeed.

    S.... ....

    Go away kid, you bother me.

  94. M.... D....

    A perennial favorite of mine

  95. B.... M....

    Large print giveth and the small print taketh away.

    B.... M....

    One of my favourite lyrics.

    B.... M....

    Know TRUTH when it slams you in the face! Ha ha. The motto of Business in America, or Buying a Home, or Credit Cards--all use the same motto! Large print giveth and the small print taketh away. And if you don't sign...get the fuck out.

    B.... M....

    Truer words never been said

    B.... M....

    You can buy the lyrics by sending a Benjamin to the hotel he used to stay at.

    I lost the inlay for the album, so I can't give you the address, and I'm sure he won't receive it any more. You can send it to me instead. I'll make an effort to get it to him.

    Promise!

  96. j.... k....

    STEP RIGHT UP!!!

  97. F.... W....

    Step right up, step right up, step right up,
    Everyone's a winner, bargains galore
    That's right, you too can be the proud owner
    Of the quality goes in before the name goes on
    One-tenth of a dollar, one-tenth of a dollar, we got service after sales
    You need perfume? we got perfume, how 'bout an engagement ring?
    Something for the little lady, something for the little lady,
    Something for the little lady, hmm
    Three for a dollar
    We got a year-end clearance, we got a white sale
    And a smoke-damaged furniture, you can drive it away today
    Act now, act now, and receive as our gift, our gift to you
    They come in all colors, one size fits all
    No muss, no fuss, no spills, you're tired of kitchen drudgery
    Everything must go, going out of business, going out of business
    Going out of business sale
    Fifty percent off original retail price, skip the middle man
    Don't settle for less
    How do we do it? how do we do it? volume, volume, turn up the volume
    Now you've heard it advertised, don't hesitate
    Don't be caught with your drawers down,
    Don't be caught with your drawers down
    You can step right up, step right up

    That's right, it filets, it chops, it dices, slices,
    Never stops, lasts a lifetime, mows your lawn
    And it mows your lawn and it picks up the kids from school
    It gets rid of unwanted facial hair, it gets rid of embarrassing age spots,
    It delivers a pizza, and it lengthens, and it strengthens
    And it finds that slipper that's been at large
    under the chaise lounge for several weeks
    And it plays a mean Rhythm Master,
    It makes excuses for unwanted lipstick on your collar
    And it's only a dollar, step right up, it's only a dollar, step right up

    'Cause it forges your signature
    If not completely satisfied, mail back unused portion of product
    For complete refund of price of purchase
    Step right up
    Please allow thirty days for delivery, don't be fooled by cheap imitations
    You can live in it, live in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Swim in it, sleep in it,
    Live in it, swim in it, laugh in it, love in it
    Removes embarrassing stains from contour sheets, that's right
    And it entertains visiting relatives, it turns a sandwich into a banquet
    Tired of being the life of the party?
    Change your shorts, change your life, change your life
    Change into a nine-year-old Hindu boy, get rid of your wife,
    And it walks your dog, and it doubles on sax
    Doubles on sax, you can jump back Jack, see you later alligator
    See you later alligator
    And it steals your car
    It gets rid of your gambling debts, it quits smoking
    It's a friend, and it's a companion,
    And it's the only product you will ever need
    Follow these easy assembly instructions it never needs ironing
    Well it takes weights off hips, bust, thighs, chin, midriff,
    Gives you dandruff, and it finds you a job, it is a job
    And it strips the phone company free take ten for five exchange,
    And it gives you denture breath
    And you know it's a friend, and it's a companion
    And it gets rid of your traveler's checks
    It's new, it's improved, it's old-fashioned
    Well it takes care of business, never needs winding,
    Never needs winding, never needs winding
    Gets rid of blackheads, the heartbreak of psoriasis,
    Christ, you don't know the meaning of heartbreak, buddy,
    C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    'Cause it's effective, it's defective, it creates household odors,
    It disinfects, it sanitizes for your protection
    It gives you an erection, it wins the election
    Why put up with painful corns any longer?
    It's a redeemable coupon, no obligation, no salesman will visit your home
    We got a jackpot, jackpot, jackpot, prizes, prizes, prizes, all work guaranteed
    How do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it, how do we do it
    We need your business, we're going out of business
    We'll give you the business
    Get on the business end of our going-out-of-business sale
    Receive our free brochure, free brochure
    Read the easy-to-follow assembly instructions, batteries not included
    Send before midnight tomorrow, terms available,
    Step right up, step right up, step right up
    You got it buddy: the large print giveth, and the small print taketh away
    Step right up, you can step right up, you can step right up
    C'mon step right up
    (Get away from me kid, you bother me...)
    Step right up, step right up, step right up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon
    Step right up, you can step right up, c'mon and step right up,
    C'mon and step right up

    F.... W....

    I don't think ANYbody could sing it like that--even if the lyrics were streaming on a teleprompter. I wonder how many takes or if he just said "Hit it!" and knocked it out in one? I'll never know.

    F.... W....

    Frederick Wace h

    F.... W....

    Good work. Thanks.

    F.... W....

    Did you send for these lyrics by sending a self-addressed, stamped envelope with two dead Creeping Charlies to the listed address, c/o "Young Tom Waits"? I think those were the requirements listed on the record.... ;)

  98. D.... B....

    This guy is a BADASS

  99. b.... a....

    I wonder how many TW tracks have the comment..."Tom waits for no one."