Voltaire - The Trouble Lyrics




I worked on a garbage skowl
near the Neutral Zone
and I'm sure you've heard,
what occurs
When a fella is alone

Well, I was mighty lonely there
till I met a man named Jones
and he sold me a muff,
covered in fluff
so I wouldn't have to
spank my bone.

So grab your self a tribble
and then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
quadrotriticale
you'll have an endless
supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some vaseline
and slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
but I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
but he can never find the hole!

That mate there is Scotty,
he's our chief engineer.
and he's never had a ho
cause most don't know
he's queer as Vulcan beer!

I caught him with some tribbles
I said 'man are you dumb?
Hear my song, you're doing it wrong'
he was shoving them up his bum!

Get your self a tribble
and then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
quadrotriticale
you'll have an endless
supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some vaseline
and slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
but I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
but he can never find the hole!

Klingon captain Koloth
He's mean as he is shrewd.
And on shore leave, he got us peeved
because he's very rude.

We beamed all of our tribbles
to Koloth and his crew
but from the yells we couldn't tell
Just who was raping who!

Get your self a tribble
and then you're good to go.
If you've got enough
quadrotriticale
you'll have an endless
supply of hos.

I grabbed myself some vaseline
and slathered up my pole
But the trouble with these tribbles
They're fuzzy and they're cute
but I can never find the hole.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
but he can never find the hole!

Bones says these critters are all pregnant when they're born.
I had just one now I've a thousand maybe more!
I've got so many now, I know just what to do
I think I'll start an interstellar heavy petting zoo!

I was on K7 when I saw Mr. Jones
And I gave him what for and said what's more,
I'm here to pick a bone.

That tribble that you sold me,
it didn't have a hole to screw.
"You dope," he said, "You don't screw them!
You let those things screw you!"

So get yourself a tribble
and then your good to go.
If you have enough quadrotriticale
you'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

Grab myself self some Vaseline and
slather up my rump.
'Cause the nice things bout these tribbles
they're fuzzy and they're cute
and you can put em in your bum

They're fuzzy and they're cute
and you can put em in your bum.

So go back to your quarters
and on your bunk you lay.
You hope and pray that on our way
we pass a bird of prey

Tribbles hate the Klingons
they really make 'em go.
They get irate and they vibrate
up in your heiney hole!

So get yourself a tribble
and then you're good to go.
If you have enough quadrotriticale
you'll have a dozen of them in your hole!

I grab self some Vaseline and
slather up my rump.
The nice things bout these tribbles
they're fuzzy and they're cute
and you can put em in your bum.

They're fuzzy and they're cute
and you can put em in your bum.

These tribbles boldly going, up in your frackin' hole!





Other Lyrics by Artist

Rand Lyrics

Voltaire The Trouble Comments
  1. Timmy Collins

    I feel bad for the tribble :)

  2. Hollow 666

    had this on auto play then the next song was hurt by johnny cash LOL

  3. Timmy Collins

    I feel bad for the tribble. I listened to this song the first time, laughed until I peed!

  4. Tejesh Patel

    Oh
    My
    Fucking
    Lord
    Why

  5. Timmy Collins

    OMG! I feel BAD for the Tribble! lol

  6. The Mad Matt show

    Do NOT eat while watching this, I covered my screen with pasta sauce(I just finished cleaning)..

  7. lord oblivion

    I fucking love this song!

  8. RoseKindred

    Kirk will bang anything...

  9. Skylar Mixtape

    How... did you keep a straight face... while doing this... HOW MANY TAKES OF THIS DID SONG DID YOU HAVE TO DO?!?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  10. Timmy Collins

    OMG! I feel bad for the Tribble.

  11. Ron Ruddick

    Rape= teach

  12. OnlyHereFor TheWaifus

    my fav song about fucking tribbles

  13. Timmy Collins

    I feel bad for the Tribble

  14. Timmy Collins

    My friend showed me this song. Laughed until i peed and my stomach hurt!

  15. Heather Golden

    i am amused and having to share this with all my friends great way to spend a rainy day is listing to Voltaire

  16. The Mediocre Collector

    So this is how they managed before Holodecks...

  17. The Side Quest Gamer Review Show

    I want a Tribble now XD

  18. Jae Lee

    Oh LORD XD

  19. flair541

    I love this song and I feel like a terrible human for it.

  20. Sabrina Locke

    I was drinking tea and when he said "they're fuzzy and they're cute but I can never find the hole" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I coughed it up

  21. Shane Wolfe

    I wanted to type a funny parody for this, but I'm not sure it's possible to top what Voltaire has done here. He set the bar too high hahahahaha

    flair541

    May I introduce Ray Stevens, except a goth with a nerdy side.

  22. thelordelric

    so Scotty was doing it right from the start?

  23. Ellye M

    I've never heard Voltaire do a song this fucking sick! Like, what the hell? What even inspired this? I mean, clearly the episode of Star Trek, but still! Don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome though. But very SICK!! And uh, how can a human even fuck a tribble?

    Filthy Casual

    You don't screw them, you let those things screw you.

    flair541

    some of them are kinda big.

  24. Diedra Myers

    I'm dying! This made my day!

  25. Doug Yurchey

    http://www.oom2.com/t41139-truth-about-tribbles-by-ts-caladan#92247
    just finished new 1. Thot u Tribbles fans might like to know how & why they were created, their relationship w’ Klingons & real story of how they changed an Empire.

  26. FilmmakeroftheFuture

    Oh those poor Tribbles. 😣

  27. Neil The Memer

    I don't even know anymore...like...what the fuck am I even doing here?

  28. Tim Collins Jr

    My friend showed me this song I never laughed so hard in my life Voltaire's got it

  29. Anno Domination

    If they don't have a hole to screw, how do they give birth to the babies they're born pregnant with?

    Giselle M. Feuillet

    They bud like yeast?

    Jack O’ Lantern

    Mitosis

    Vocal

    He said he can't FIND the hole. Probably isn't much of a hole to screw, though.

    A Pet Named Steve

    You ever seen Gremlins?

  30. BLKBRDSR71

    "The trouble with these Tribbles, their fuzzy and their cute but I could never find the hole". hahahahahaaaaaaaaa hahahaha! X_X LMFAO!

  31. Rai Campbell

    well then

  32. Sol Echo

    I get such a kick out of your songs, Voltaire. I'm so glad you exist.

  33. Budder Tygress

    0-0 oh my god what is this

  34. poilboiler

    What's up with the awesome cover art?

  35. Eric Barkemeyer

    .....I.. I.. What the fuck did I just listen to

    Bubby5889

    +Eric Barkemeyer The Trouble With Tribbles by Aurelio Voltaire OFFICIAL

  36. Hollow Insanity

    Note to self :  Dont drink when listening to this song,  goddamn it i cant stop laughing

    Aubri Blobbles

    +Katie Stuart-Smith i'm sober and can't stop laughing

  37. SharkDeschain

    So that was the absolute *last* thing I was expecting when I clicked on this song.

    Although, seeing who this is, I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised. I am never going to look at a tribble the same way again though, oh my god.

  38. Great Ajax

    xD Trouble of Tribbles episode is now ruined Haha Thank you Voltaire.

  39. Carter Stewart

    I'm just.

    Crying.
    Why did I know know that this was a thing? It's horrible yet wonderful at the same time. THANK YOU, Voltaire.

  40. Cecil Palmer

    I've been a Voltaire fan for forever, HOW HAVEN'T I HEARD ABOUT BITREKTUAL?!

    Kanubai

    recently released

    Kanubai

    @Kanubai i lie

    Cecil Palmer

    @Kanubai why do you lie?!

    Kanubai

    @D.C. Hart i was mistaken. i remember him releasing this, and thought it was recent. apparently 2 years have passed since then, and hes released another album in that time. 

    Cecil Palmer

    @Kanubai Thank you for being honest

  41. Alorachan

    So, tribbles are space hamsters... intriguing.

    Crimson Stargazer

    +alorayuy Is this a hint to the Hat Fic? If so, every month we buy a tribble

    Vocal

    More than that dear. They reproduce asexually, so they can reproduce as long as they have food available.

  42. Jeffrey Morrissey

    Sickening.

  43. Entraya Crosshill

    I found myself feeling sad about some bullshit, so i took sanctuary in the wise words of Voltaire the author, and Voltaire the guy who sings homoerotic songs, because a doublewhammy of humor and smarts is the best cure

    Shane Wolfe

    Entraya Crosshill

    "The guy who sings homoerotic songs." 😂😂😂😂 THAT'S HOW I'LL DESCRIBE HIM FROM NOW ON

  44. Nero Amentia

    I love how Aurelio actually communicates with his fans. Voltaire is by far the best in his genre. 

    Eli Eli

    U have right.

    Ciara.Chaya

    As well as the *only* one in his genre lol

  45. sinfull Hubris

    I know it's a long shot, but are you coming any where near Wyoming. Perhaps Utah? would love to see a live show, if not oh well you still rock!!!

  46. Casual Graphman

    What is this...
    I don't even...

  47. TransSatanic

    Did anyone else get a add with George Takei in it before this song?lol

  48. Grendel Khan

    It's a long shot but can you come to hell- I mean Iowa?

  49. johnny cage

    this is musical gold im a trekie and im LOLing bad thanks

  50. LTNuk3m

    I think his kid is used to this kind of insanity.

  51. Sage Whicker

    This song is so wrong and yet I love it and I can't stop cracking up. XD

  52. Munashii Ketsueki

    how can you sing this without cracking up?

  53. BlackTemplar124

    You've obviously never heard Cantina XD

  54. MicroNeko GirlPur

    if you came anywhere near my hometown, you'd probably be chased out with torches and pitchforks by most adults. well, their loss!

  55. LairdDeimos

    How bout Austin, Texas area.

  56. HELLISHWerewolf

    O-O this is the most WTF song of yours ive heard yet

  57. IceMageXydran

    I can't help but imagine Voltaire's kid
    listening to this song when he's older, and say.
    "DAD, what the hell !?!?!?!"

    Damion Gilstrap

    IceMageXydran Better yet, Cantina.

    dis _iz tud.

    @Damion Gilstrap yeah. I think Mars alreadg has imaginary ptsd

  58. Matthew Whisennand

    Will have to keep my eyes open for when your in Dallas, hopefully (crosses fingers).

  59. MrTrenchcoatguy

    I'm seriously considering using the phrase 'as queer as Vulcan beer' in everyday conversation.

  60. Peter O.

    I like this new album with the background music -- it adds a nice touch. Still, this is a song you wouldn't want to make a music video about!

  61. Thatonekeybladegamer

    It's cool that you actually do stuff on this page and respond to people Voltaire.

  62. cwolffgurl

    my hubby is a major treky. im laughing so hard i got tears....

    fuzzy and cute but cant find the hole

    OMG love ya

  63. Heather Jera

    come to florida like the ruskin area!!!!

  64. tassadar32

    Woah haha. This was way more dirty than I thought it would be.

  65. dexeridix

    You just have to put 2 together :P

  66. Ilan Fritzler

    you just need to come to argentina PLEASE i would have no problem if you had to sleep in my house just for a concert

  67. Bees knees

    errr, what?

  68. The Lair of Voltaire

    You never know... ; )

  69. silkface

    I guess the chance of you coming to Belgium is quite small right ?

  70. The Lair of Voltaire

    I'm not sure. It should totally be there.

  71. Whyupgrade

    Can't seem to get this album in the UK via itunes, and reason?

  72. punklink1

    canada?

  73. Ironheade712

    if you do come back to chicago please choose a venue where your younger fans can see you

  74. Amanda Ratti

    ANY chance you'll be coming to San Francisco soon???

  75. The Lair of Voltaire

    I've tried. The scene seems to have disappeared there. I can no longer find a promoter interested in putting on this kind of music.

  76. Jerome Archuleta

    Please come to Albuquerque please?

  77. The Lair of Voltaire

    I was just there.. .but I'm sure I'll be back.

  78. KyoKyoKitty

    I recently got into Voltaire because of my boyfriend (my boyfriend is a long time fan of Voltaire). I heard that seeing him live is amazing! Any chance of him coming to Chicago any time soon?

  79. Anthony Combs

    Thanks to work I missed when you were in Charlotte recently (was not happy - with work, not you). And major congrats on the book deal! I am looking forward to reading it. Like your "tie-in" of your next album to the one referenced in your book.
    Dark and demented dominates!!!

  80. The Lair of Voltaire

    Thank you, Anthony, that's very kind! I'm glad you are still enjoying the music!

  81. Anthony Combs

    I do not know how you do it, but it seems with each subsequent album - you surpass yourself. This album is amazing and hilarious. From my introduction to your music ("When You're Evil") till now, I have been a fan (even aquring a Deady plush). Saw you live at a part in Charlotte, NC for DJ Spider - fantasic. To everyone - if you can EVER find yourself near where he is performing, you will not regret it!

  82. Lord Mahl

    Voltaire, I don't care if your married. I'd consider going partially gay for you just because I love you so much. My girl friend may get a little pissed, but I seriously would.

  83. Entraya Crosshill

    I wish i could hand you a dollar or two, Voltaire. Just simple paper money. No creditcard problems, and all that.. Because i want to download this song, right now

  84. Lollipop Killer

    Once again Voltaire is amazing, cannot wait to get this album

  85. Comrade Adam

    The world premier was sort of corny, but like every of your songs they always end up nice, I will never understand how you do it.

  86. silvek99

    You're a lucky man ;)

  87. Lilsnugglebunny15

    *Head canon* I'm loving this!~ This is probably the most fun album you have.

  88. iceblue1220

    Ah, the memories of I-con 31.

  89. Dante Farefox

    Brillo Bananas! I know what my student loan is going on! ;D

  90. Dylan Eagle

    Such a Voltaire intro i like it

  91. The Lair of Voltaire

    Well, I don't sell those myself but CDbaby(dot)com does and yes, they do ship to the UK! ; )

  92. Dante Farefox

    Voltaire, do you ship to the UK? I really wanna get a tangible copy of your new album.

  93. AnthroTsuneon

    Ya know.. I guess there's probably already something like it, but if not it has to be done.. But someone needs to make vibrators shaped like tribbles, built for pervyness

  94. Colin Doyle

    My signed Album Arrived today! Thank you so much Voltaire! I've been listing to Bitrekual all day :D

  95. brainbuster15

    at first I liked the faster version back with the premiere, but now I like this a bit more, I think it's the tuba

  96. The Lair of Voltaire

    My pleasure! Thanks for ordering!