Voltaire - Cathouse Tragedy Lyrics






[Spoken]
Alright girls, come on.
Move it along.
Don’t dilly-dally,
Men are waiting.

Gentlemen!

Come on in, right on in,
To our temple of sin,
The sensual land, sublime
With multiple versions
Of every perversion
And women of every kind
If you’re a fellow
Who likes a bordello
With something on for a change,
Two dollars more,
You can have a dead whore
We specialize in the strange

If you get lucky this evening
And one takes you up for a whirl
Might I suggest you look under the dress
‘Cause we can’t tell the boys from the girls here!

Tragedy! At the cathouse tonight!
Come and see
Why we like to call our cathouse
Tragedy!
What a curious sight!
Our female selection
Is not quite perfection
It’s like biting into a bitter confection
At Cathouse Tragedy!

There’s an Asian albino
And as far as I know
She has the prosthetic eye
And if you approve it
She’ll gladly remove it
If you tire of her thighs

Don’t be alarmed
By the girl with no arms
She’s actually quite a treat
And if you wanna
She’ll peel your banana
She’s bloody good with her feet!

If you get lucky this evening
And one takes you up for a spin
Might be suggestin’
A lamby intestine
You don’t know where these girls have been!

Tragedy! At the cathouse tonight!
Come and see
Why we like to call our cathouse
Tragedy!
It’s a curious sight!
Our female selection
Is not quite perfection
It’s like biting into a bitter confection
At Cathouse Tragedy!

They called you pretty
In your hometown
Not to be petty,
But here in the city,
You’re not all that pretty,
You’re lucky we keep you around!

Now get back to work!

Come on in to the cathouse!
We’ve got pussies of every kind!
We have black, white and yellow and red ones!
And only one or two are feline!
I’m your benevolent MC
And I’m here to make sure they behave
Sure, they smell like cheese
And they’re full of disease,
But just think of the money you’ll save!

Tragedy! At the cathouse tonight!
Come and see
Why we like to call our cathouse
Tragedy!
It’s a curious sight!
Our female collection
Is not quite perfection
It’s like biting into a bitter confection
At Cathouse Tragedy!

At the Cathouse Tragedy!

[Spoken]
Alright girls, come on, move it along.
I don’t want to be here anymore than you.
Ahh, I should've been a dentist.





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Voltaire Cathouse Tragedy Comments
  1. B.... G....

    Easily one of my favorite artists 🦇

  2. M.... ....

    "I should have bin a dentist"... the line I always say when something goes wrong at work 😹

  3. s.... ....

    At 1:34

    Ah, don't worry about 'er, she's 'armless!

    I make this joke every time I hear the song.

  4. G.... ....

    I love that there are traps in the cathouse

  5. A.... M....

    I guess the unicorn is a deamon of Slaanesh.

  6. C.... ....

    Still listen to it haha

  7. V.... D....

    Slaanesh approves of this.

  8. E.... E....

    This is wrong........................ i love it.

  9. f.... c....

    This song needs to be made into a movie!!!!

  10. s.... a....

    Misbehavin Maidens did it just a little bit better in my opinion

    s.... a....

    So... you came to my page to tell me that a band that covered the song I wrote did it better than me huh? You can definitely have that opinion, don't get me wrong. I think those ladies are lovely. But you felt you needed to tell me that? Please tell your parents on my behalf that they failed to teach you the very fundamentals of being a decent and polite human being.

    s.... a....

    @The Lair of Voltaire I didn't mean any offense, I love both in fact I think a collab would make this song even more impressive! Unfortunately I never knew my parents apparently dad ditched mom and mom died bringing me into the world, I blame the State

    s.... a....

    Any space for an Autistic mute at the cathouse?

  11. S.... L....

    Normaly I'd be ofended by a song like this, but it actually made ma laugh not angry.

  12. m.... ....

    this is probably your most fucked up song...well done man...you've managed to top one about a sereal killer who uses a straight razor and a revenge song about murdering your ex lover's lover

  13. M.... M....

    When I talk to a new person I always start talking about the music I love which is you, Rammstein and Ghost and I send them links and this is the Voltaire song I send. It’s so funny and I never get sick of it. The d*ck in the eye socket part always gets me. Makes me thing about the ending of A Serbian Film.

  14. D.... S....

    Voltaire would make the perfect pimp.

  15. M.... S....

    love this song.. so silly

  16. M.... ....

    Why do I always associate this song with Fable 3. Reaver. OMG, I should go to sleep now! Brilliant song though! ^_^

  17. S.... ....

    So son what do you want to be when you grow up I want to run a cat house that specializes in fetishes







    Son you're a genius

  18. I.... G....

    thank you, 1d4chan. This is the theme of /d/.

  19. S.... ....

    The only place I'll go

  20. A.... S....

    Never listen to this while drunk and suffering from a cough.
    It's a guarantee for a choking fit.

  21. M.... A....

    I don't think a animaniac of this would be allowed on YouTube but I would love to see it

  22. A.... A....

    Do you ever get the perfect idea for a music video for a song but you don't have the production value, the actors, or even the rights to the song to do it with????

    A.... A....

    Yes all the time

  23. c.... s....

    He should make some kind of movie or musical, it would be fucking hilarious

  24. A.... S....

    so like, where is this place located?

  25. D.... A....

    You know I heard the Misbehavin' Maidens cover of this song first. And when I first heard it I fell in love, when I realized that YOU wrote it I wanted to marry it, now hearing the original version I want to have a threesome with both version. <3'

  26. M.... ....

    Suddenly, 4 years later this song makes me think this is what would b played in the Darkest Dungeon brothel... Twisted... I love it.

  27. E.... B....

    i want to go to the cat house

  28. G.... G....

    Jesus i finally realized what he means by :
    "She has the prosthetic eye
    And if you approve it
    She'll gladly remove it
    If you tire of her thighs"
    wow thats dark even by my standards

    G.... G....

    Talk about a good skull fucking

  29. t.... t....

    What the fuck am i listening to? and why am i enjoying it?

  30. G.... D....

    That like to dislike ratio proves that this needs to be WAY more popular and that we need more dirty shit like this in our lives.

  31. A.... E....

    19 offended ladies~

  32. R.... K....

    This is easily the best song I've ever heard.

  33. E.... B....

    Is it sad that I sing this song in school...
    And m friend started singing with me
    he's was a Male....
    Wtf

    E.... B....

    I see Homestuck in you. I like you!! XD

    E.... B....

    You do know this song is song by a guy right?

    E.... B....

    Your point? My guy friends and I sing songs together all the time.

  34. L.... ....

    "Might I suggest you look under the dress
    'Cause we can't tell the boys from the girls here!"

    L.... ....

    If they would have done the looking themselves when they hired the people like a normal cathouse does when they employee women to have sex with men, then they would probably know what's under the dress. What a lazy lackluster establishment.

    L.... ....

    Deutsche Hierarchie but is cheap, he said it

    L.... ....

    Ah but the trap gamble is what makes it fun!

  35. a.... p....

    i wonder how femmies would get angry over this, when it's litteraly a insult to cat houses, saying they're tragedic

  36. s.... b....

    I'm female and I love this song (totally straight)

    s.... b....

    I mean, this song wasn't exactly intended to be arousing to begin with.

    s.... b....

    +Magikarpador dito

  37. L.... ....

    "Sure, they smell like cheese
    And they're full of disease,
    But just think of the money you'll save!"

    L.... ....

    I’d like to beware of that then, especially STDs.

  38. P.... R....

    "You can't tell the boys from the girls" or I think you said something like that. The way you said it was not rude... I am sure you had the best intentions.

    P.... R....

    +Persn Randm what

    P.... R....

    @Persn Randm Glad you minded that but not the part where there was implied murder and dismemberment among other unorthodox things. Surely you got your priorities straight.

    P.... R....

    +Persn Randm SJW alert

  39. _.... _....

    Well... That's one interesting whorehouse... I LIKE IT

  40. B.... ....

    This is by far..the most misogynistic....sexist...filthy...vulgar song i have heard...and i am shocked that mr Voltaire would insult and degrade womenkind by even thinking of this..."you're lucky we keep you around"...way to enforce the traumatized victim mentality, how many women will hear this song and come to terms with their abusers....shame on you mr voltaire... feminists everywhere should boycott your music. FILTH!!!!


    Hahaha did you fall for it? i'm just joking man, keep up the good work man, your music is such a wonderful phantasmagorical adventure.

    B.... ....

    +BirthOfSerpents Successful troll is successful +1 FTW

    B.... ....

    BirthOfSerpents You got me

    B.... ....

    ...If you get lucky this evening
    And one takes you up for a whirl
    Might I suggest you look under the dress
    'Cause we can't tell the boys from the girls here!

    B.... ....

    You got me! And now i want for you to teach me how tô troll a lot of people

    B.... ....

    almost fell for it XD

  41. M.... G....

    wow, this song is so wrong, but the ending LOL

  42. M.... T....

    I wish for a music video of this song.

  43. l.... G....

    Voltaire, the guy who deserves to have his songs star in Disney movies

    l.... G....

    It would be very very weird if it was this one tho :3.

    l.... G....

    he did a few songs for cartoon network

    l.... G....

    I would like to see his character in a disney movie or something (. . .Tim Burton. . .).

    Sorry for my english, if I made some mistakes. ^^

    l.... G....

    It would be cool to have a goth disney movie with his songs in it. But l don't think Disney will ever agre to it.

    l.... G....

    @lordlossize GG I know it's been a few years, but if you still haven't found the songs he did for Billy & Mandy they're Land of the Dead and Brains.

  44. S.... ....

    Theme for D in DR3 maybe XD

  45. P.... V....

    rule 34: the song

    P.... V....

    Rule 34: There is porn of it. *No exceptions*.

    P.... V....

    @raindrain1 and if none is found of it, it will be made. Thus if exception occurs in the quantum state where more than one may be true at the same time, it will become uniform with the rule 34.

    P.... V....

    Even asexual porn will exist. Why? We have no idea. What is it? We're pretty confused about that, too. How?

    Eh, probably Photoshop. @Murdorch

    P.... V....

    @Deutsche Hierarchie Or /d/

    P.... V....

    @raindrain1 + Rule 34 has been proven invalid by my research multiple times. There are in fact many exceptions.

  46. E.... J....

    This needs a music-video....really....

  47. A.... H....

    deviantart.avi

  48. A.... D....

    Every time I hear this song it makes me want to start a haunted house on the theme. (This one and the Straight Razor Cabaret) 

  49. B.... R....

    Plot twist: The MC is the host from You Don't Know Jack

    B.... R....

    wow, that blew my mind, next category

  50. c.... ....

    Theme song for /d/ 

    c.... ....

    coldeed theres a board more fucked up then /d,

    c.... ....

    gurochan.ch

  51. C.... R....

    This entire song is so wrong, that makes it interesting :D

  52. E.... M....

    This song is so much fun to sing.

  53. D.... J....

    i applied at the cathouse but was rejected for being below standards.

    D.... J....

    Same 😂😂😂

  54. A.... F....

    Can't get enough of his voice.. O~O

    A.... F....

    There are actually some very talented young women who did a cover that is actually quite good

    https://youtu.be/APAqpP8au3w

  55. C.... F....

    Did I hear him say in the end "I should have become an dentist"? Lol if it was.

    C.... F....

    If you look în te description there are the lyirics. În the end you can see he actually says that.

  56. c.... ....

    this song got a like just a minute in. possibly a record...

  57. K.... M....

    I have always wanted to make a stop motion music video for this song. It's tragic yet lovely.

  58. T.... ....

    Well, you can't say that he doesn't practice equal-opportunity employment.

    T.... ....

    you could say he's the (dis)embodiment of equal opportunity employment :D

  59. B.... D....

    this might as well be whorehouses in a nutshell... DISGUSTING AND WRONG

    B.... D....

    If you think brothels are like this then you clearly never seen one. Most places are pretty tidy and normal.

    B.... D....

    @*****
    Well i've only been to one myself but that was just around a dozen girls, pretty normal looking, a few russian, eastern europeans etc, coffee machine for some reason, a pool table, no windows, a few beds, and a few rooms with crappy massage tables with the texture of crappy primary school carpets, luckily she put a towel on it so it wasn't too uncomfortable for my back. All in all they didn't have huge bondage chambers or anything... not that I saw anyway. Not too expensive either, 10 quid to get in and 65 quid for the lass.

    B.... D....

    @Kuro The part about the coffee machine made me laugh out loud at 3 am. Well done, good sir.

    ~ TDG

    B.... D....

    A Cathouse IS a whore house...

    B.... D....

    Brayach Dragonbane Dude, if a cathouse like these existed, I would visit and see if they have my perversion

  60. B.... S....

    Consider Brecht and Wiehl particularly, the Rise and Fall of Monohogany.  Apologies for the spelling.  Song would have fit right in.

  61. C.... s....

    Dang ad messed up my flow.

  62. Z.... ....

    The Tardis goofed and took me to a place similar to this place, I had a fun time explaining the red kiss mark on my collar to Twilight. Then again anything is hard to explain when you have a hammer magically hovering over your head ready to smash you head in. *rubs forehead* seriously...

    Z.... ....

    it's cool that you like MLP and all but, seriously, man?

  63. T.... A....

    *Sings this song for the 20th+ time* ♪There's an Asian albino
    And as far as I know
    She has the prosthetic eye
    And if you approve it
    She'll gladly remove it
    If you tire of her thighs♪
    *Think about it for a second and eyes widen in realization of what it means* "Dear gods"

    T.... A....

    Talk about eye candy

    T.... A....

    Omg i just got that

    T.... A....

    @fandude666 Oml dude

  64. L.... F....

    I actually do a burlesque routine to this song, it's just as disgusting as the song and the audience loves it. But you never get used to the cheese in the underpants. 

    L.... F....

    That sounds brilliant (and gross, aha.)

    L.... F....

    video, please?

    L.... F....

    Very good ;)

    L.... F....

    Awesome!

  65. D.... ....

    Mmm, I enjoyed all the other songs of the album except for this one... The images you get in your head aren't very pleasing. But again, one could argue that the images of Ex lover's lovers aren't good either, but it was my favorite song. Must be the fact that it's gross and about sex at the same time, which I don't enjoy.

    EDIT: Two months later, came back. I don't hate it as much as I tought. Guess I just wasn't in the mood back then.

    D.... ....

    @artemortis You just gave enough fuck to reply.

  66. K.... ....

    this makes me think of that one mission in Dishonored.

    K.... ....

    except the golden cat didn't have girls with no arms or any albino asians with prosthetic eyes XD

    K.... ....

    @Lord Blackheart
    That you saw..

    K.... ....

    @Deatheater4444 i knew the pendletons were into some sick shit, but c'mon... that's taking it a bit too far XD

    K.... ....

    have you seen how many dead bodies and gross infected people there are in dishonored? The cathouse has to get something to entertain their customers somehow when they are running a dry spell of the regular stuff.

  67. J.... D....

    Have you ever thought about making a musical?

    J.... D....

    no theatre would EVER allow this to go onstage, and even porn hub would think its too fucked up.

    J.... D....

    @True Mind Book of Mormon and Cannibal: The Musical would say otherwise nowadays.

  68. C.... F....

    perhaps but no way near as classy and twisted as our dear voltaire

  69. d.... ....

    Wait, this isn't a thing yet?

  70. G.... ....

    I think he is a deep thinking anti hero (srry for my english :P)

  71. S.... W....

    LOL!! This was so awesome! I love it! You are a genius - only just discovered you! I can vividly imagine this story and don't be surprised if I end up drawing something inspired by your songs!

  72. c.... ....

    I'd go for the girl with no arms. She sounds cute, and I'd have fun with her feet. :D

  73. D.... G....

    Except scar... I mean voltaire's the most amazing human villain but come on... Scar.

  74. L.... ....

    It's almost like a villian song in a twisted rated R Disney Movie.

  75. A.... ....

    This is the perfect place for the guy from "Dead girl".

  76. C.... D....

    Finally someone else who saw it! Also, I always think of Rose when he starts the part with "They called you pretty/In your hometown..". Alas, the poor girl. The poor girls. And the rich Little Finger.

  77. N.... G....

    And then maybe Land of the Dead in the epilogue?
    Or the last part of death death devil devil devil evil evil evil songs....
    That would be awesome!

  78. J.... ....

    When ever I listen to this, I always imagine it as like a broadway musical/play/skit type thing.

  79. A.... T....

    Thanks for leasson. I always hated go to school.

  80. R.... M....

    the only villain who would succeed in his ambitions~!

  81. L.... ....

    well he's not realy evil like-ish-ly but he would look cool i guess

  82. L.... ....

    not gunna lie i kinda wanna go to the cathouse tragedy

  83. L.... ....

    Oh. my. good. fucking. god! Aereli Voltaire Hernandez Disney Villain, Musician & A MUSICAL GOD!

  84. R.... F....

    He would sing "Hell in a Handbasket" during the final fight, before dying an awesome death.

  85. I.... K....

    Could the villain win in that movie? I don't want Voltaire to die unless there's an epilogue showing him having drinks with Satan.

  86. P.... F....

    This song is. Cool. Lol

  87. L.... ....

    the french poet from like the 1800's

  88. R.... ....

    I wish this Cathouse Tragedy is real. Perhaps if I used my imagination... ^u^

  89. A.... A....

    Such a tragedy! It is quite a..cat-astrophe!
    Now seriously,I love this song. I'll never get bored of Voltaire's dark humor. Another great song from you,keep on with the good work, Mr. Voltaire! :)

  90. N.... K....

    Are you joking?

  91. N.... K....

    Too bad it's not the real Voltaire.

  92. I.... C....

    I just heard this song for the first time and when it was over and listened to the tv there was something on about girls who go in prostitution and this was the only thing I could think about was this and it was so great :)

  93. R.... H....

    This song made my day. In fact, all Voltaire songs make my day. The type of instrumental mixed with a fine voice such as his along with the creative lyrics always put a smile on my face or a chuckle in my mouth ^-^

  94. J.... k....

    i just found out about Voltaire and i can't believe how much i love it! I've been into Steam Powered Giraffe and The Cog is Dead for a while... but this is a real treasure!

  95. T.... M....

    Wow.. I think I'm addicted to Voltaire...