Voltaire - Cantina (BiTrektual Version) Lyrics




Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
But then I saw that there Cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?
Well I walked through the door and the music stopped...dead
All manner of man and beast were starein' at me
Seems just one week before, their Twilex slave-girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next best thing they seen

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My anus he destroyed
And now I got me, hemeroids
They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffe bar
I was hit over the head by old Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that Pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca
I was smeared in Wookie Ca ca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no no

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Well Salacious Crumb's so small ya cant detect him
Before I knew it, he shoved himself straight in, my rectum
And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my anus
Now I got a anal car alarm and I cant disconnect him
Oh greedo Greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker till it wasn't so tee-nee
He took me into Jabba's hut.
He stared intently at my butt
And then he Ooh-ta-ta'd me with his zucchini

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Take it away boys!

Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you!"
I said "Sorry"
He said "I don't like ya neither ya better watch yourself!"
And then some old dude who taught Vader, chopped his arm off with his saber
And later made for one red hot anal invader
I was broken..on the floor beat to a stooper
But then I was saved! there at the door was 10 stormtroopers!
But then my hopes faded away.. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns storm troopin' me in the pooper

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man





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Voltaire Cantina (BiTrektual Version) Comments
  1. paradoxe

    I'm glad I had headphones when clicking of this.

  2. Lanzy Fabian

    Alien probing stories are scary enough, but when they keep handing you off to the next alien in the conga line that's when you're really ....

    broken gamer

    *Smirk* fucked

  3. vitaminanime

    Oooh! Right in the childhood!

  4. Cameron

    Voltaire...why are you this way...

  5. Madi G

    How does this almost eight minute long song about the anal rape of a teenage boy have me almost crying I'm laughing so hard lmfao we're all terrible people

  6. someone awesome

    Um anyone else here after the last episode of Shield Hero? That Redhead deserved this

  7. Jeuelle Louise

    I'm watching Star Wars. I can't watch the Cantina scene the same thanks to this song. I end up cracking up with naughty thoughts.

  8. 3of11

    Classic country song. Much like robin Williams’ “pull your finger out my ass cause I’m leavin you behind”!

  9. Camel King Clarith

    Why was Tom Waits on Tatooine in the first place?

  10. Glitch the robot!

    😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

  11. green cat

    Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
    Hell ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
    But then I saw that there Cantina
    I'll go in for an Orangina
    I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?
    Well I walked through the door and the music stopped...dead
    All manner of man and beast were starein' at me
    Seems just one week before, their Twilex slave-girl walked out the door
    And I guess I was the next best thing they seen

    I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine
    Son, it don't mean you're weak
    'cause ya turn the other cheak
    But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

    Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
    Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
    My anus he destroyed
    And now I got me, hemeroids
    They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffe bar
    I was hit over the head by old Han Solo
    I'd have never guessed that Pirate was a homo
    I woke up next to Chewbacca
    I was smeared in Wookie Ca ca
    And what they did to my poor nipples was a no no

    I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine
    Son, it don't mean you're weak
    'cause ya turn the other cheak
    But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

    Well Salacious Crumb's so small ya cant detect him
    Before I knew it, he shoved himself straight in, my rectum
    And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my anus
    Now I got a anal car alarm and I cant disconnect him
    Oh greedo Greedily grabbed his green weenie
    And he yanked that sucker till it wasn't so tee-nee
    He took me into Jabba's hut.
    He stared intently at my butt
    And then he Ooh-ta-ta'd me with his zucchini

    I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine
    Son, it don't mean you're weak
    'cause ya turn the other cheak
    But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

    Take it away boys!

    Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you!"
    I said "Sorry"
    He said "I don't like ya neither ya better watch yourself!"
    And then some old dude who taught Vader, chopped his arm off with his saber
    And later made for one red hot anal invader
    I was broken..on the floor beat to a stooper
    But then I was saved! there at the door was 10 stormtroopers!
    But then my hopes faded away.. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
    And they each took turns storm troopin' me in the pooper

    I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine
    Son, it don't mean you're weak
    'cause ya turn the other cheak
    But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

  12. moc001

    MORE! MORE! MORE!

  13. Daniela Miranda

    Oh you boy! I'm high af listening to your songs, and that makes me feel more than sure that you're a master. You're great. ❤🕸

  14. TheMechanicalGirl999

    How to make your nerdy, gothic, Bulgarian BF laugh for 45 minutes to an hour...BE THE NERDY, GOTHIC, AMERICAN GF THAT INTRODUCES HIM TO VOLTAIRE VIA THE BITREKTUAL ALBUM! THEN GET ON TO OTHER "FUN" THINGS SOME OF THE KIDS HERE SHOULD NOT KNOW ABOUT UNTIL LAER AND MAKES ME WONDER WHAT THEY ARE DOING HERE!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! ;)!!!

  15. Pink Wings

    Im hearing the Goth King singing country about Luke Skywalker becoming a sex slav.e. Im in that universe that MLP NES game came from....

  16. Ellye M

    Anybody who can use this as a form of comedy is absolutely brilliant! Voltaire, you are a true genius.

  17. Darth Spock

    Oh my god Voltaire stop I'm crying XDD Luke Gaywalker confirmed lmao

  18. thegreatgambeeno

    Rectum? Damn near killed 'em.

  19. Nicodemus Edwards

    (Groans of increasing discomfort)

    Kronos Dorma

    Sick Fire Emblem reference

  20. Brandon

    i know what im singing for the talent show

    Ciara.Chaya

    I wanted to do ex lover's lover but no one has instrumental tracks for any of his songs

  21. Haldirien x

    Someone can give me a lyrics? I havent understand some of this (

    Brandon

    +Haldirien x youll understand it all if ur a true voltaire fan

  22. may fernandez

    THIS. SONG. my boyfriend showed me this about 2 years ago, and couldnt stop laughing. I cant believe ive forgotten this!!!

  23. Adam Case

    ah the greatest hive of scum and villainy.

  24. Eric Barkemeyer

    Starwars country... I LOVE IT

  25. Cpt. Dusker

    I'm getting Corruption of Champions and Trials in Tainted Space PTSD...

    XiahouDun1225

    +MrDaemonGamer HAHAHA! God damnit This! So much this!

    Lucas Howes

    Jesus those games

    Tome Chan

    I FOUND FELLOW PERVERTS!

    Dmcm25

    MrDaemonGamer yush

  26. Butt Quack

    This is great Voltaire! You make some of the best songs I've ever heard. You don't even mince your words. Bravo! So funny!

  27. MrLednard

    What the hell did I just listen ?!
    I will forgot that with Zombie Prostitute ...

    Damion Gilstrap

    MrLednard
    And Dead Girls, and Cathouse Tragedy...

  28. HeSheXie

    This is one of those songs you don't want certain people knowing you listen to... But you can't stop listening.

    NinaWindia

    Better than almost singing it during a family get together like a holiday. xD

    HeSheXie

    Oh my god. You've just given me a way out of Thanksgiving dinner.

    Brandon

    +HeSheXie THE FUCK U MEAN i listened to this yesterday and i showed it to 7 people

  29. Master Markus

    Ouch...

  30. Jacob Heward

    +DarkElfMairead No, that would be Cathouse Tragedy.

  31. jason sexton

    You should listen to one of the live performances he did at dragon con. Hilarious. Especially the sobbing of "My ass can't take much more. I can't survive another Outer Rim Job..."

    Rex Roylance

    jason sexton THATS FUCKING LEGENDARY

  32. nightcancerwolf

    It's got to be bad that as soon as I heard hammerhead, my mind went "What was the Ithorian's name again?"  And then I had to look it up... Momaw Nadon...

  33. Dennis Smith

    Great Song... Funny as Hell..

  34. DarkElfMairead

    Rule 34 :D

  35. verna salazar

    I lie to myself every time that I'm straight when I listen to his voice. Or look up pictures of the man. Or writing fanfilth. Or anything really.
    ...Take me like a zombie prostitute?

  36. TheOddCatLady

    I might get kicked out of the library I'm in because I'm laughing too hard... ohmygod... XD I'm never going to see the Cantina scene the same ever again.

  37. AsianSensation

    mmmmkay

  38. Sir Prize

    You do know that every artist changes?
    Anyway, your choice if your going to stay in the past.

  39. The Cackling Creep

    Wow you're so insightful You should get a medal for exposing Voltaire's "faggishness".

  40. darketh21

    This upsets him, but a song bout putting furry creatures in you`r ass he say`s nothing about........LOGIC!

    TheMechanicalGirl999

    There is most illogical Spock!

  41. HeadshotWaffle

    Damn it, my sides nearly split I was laughing so hard!

  42. HeadshotWaffle

    Way to not feed the trolls, Voltaire! Legit, man! This is one of the many reasons why I like your channel.

  43. LinkThe8th

    love that ending. wow. manwhoring on tatooine, cant be a very good job huh?

  44. Tasha Martinez

    :D wow lol

  45. Kyriashu Art

    Clearly not a fulltime Voltaire fan, you should know his style by now =P

  46. Jakestify

    hey shut the hecks up u idiot voltaire did great n if u cant like it then dont comment

  47. Nathos TheOnly

    I on the other hand, love it XD

  48. ParaPerception

    It doesn't mean your weak if you turn the other cheek, And that's why I go back there every week. XD

  49. RebelVampire666

    I thought I hated country music. I was wrong; I hate country artists. You, sir, are fantastic in any genre. This song is fantastic and hilarious and just...I love you. Never stop creating.

  50. ShadeGames

    I love just how chill you reacted to that well to be honest I didn't think you would reply thought you would just block him you are awesome my friend

  51. Mitchel Anhalt

    When I first heard this at my friend's house, I said. "Wait, what?!?!" I listened very closely, I said "OH MY GOD!!!!!!"

  52. MicroNeko GirlPur

    the catchiest song ever about being raped.

  53. nnnn41

    all of your songs are awesome youre a god on tumblr and to all supernatural, doctor who, star treck, and star wars fans

  54. MicroNeko GirlPur

    I feel bad for this guy... he didn't get anyone's number!

  55. themightymaxxion

    Aw man, no posted lyrics for this one? How can I sing along? D:

  56. TheDanishGuyReviews

    Ah, yes, May the Fourth be with you. Finally I remembered it.

    ~ TDG

  57. Crocketron

    Nice song Voltaire, singing about the pan-homosexual adventure of some poor loon... I really do like this song odd sense of humor.

  58. vatten

    lol yes

  59. Megalus Doomslayer

    This song is awesome.

  60. Akanatsu13

    I have to agree with StorytellerOfTheDead. I expected better. It could have been a lot more dirty. ; )

  61. TelePhotoLens

    So....at first I was like omfg this poor guy but then I lol'd

  62. Aaron Salisbury

    Odd to post that on one of the songs that is about star wars.

  63. MrTrenchcoatguy

    Aye, cap'n. Live long and prosper. _\\//

  64. Aitamen

    Geekdom is universal, and why I love this thing... it brings us all together

  65. MrTrenchcoatguy

    Seriously people, listening to Voltaire got you into Star Trek?

    For me it was just the opposite. Star Trek got me into listening to Voltaire. :)

  66. Lushscreamqueen - Schlock Treatment.

    Suddenly I'm wondering what our Voltaire can do with Ewok Celebration.

  67. Lushscreamqueen - Schlock Treatment.

    If he does go to my room... then Yes indeedy :-)

  68. Sasha Mai

    LOL Can I get an invite?

  69. epsilon127

    the original version of this song came up on my pandora this morning and I just had to look it up to hear it again. lo and behold, this exists. blessed be.

  70. Joseph Siford

    Wow Mr. Voltaire. This is a funny song. I love your music.

  71. CorvusMetus

    "It don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek, but if you spread them both of for Jabba you're not a man." Greatest line in a song, ever.

  72. TheBeanieProductions

    This was, by far, the best fucking song he's ever written.

  73. The Lair of Voltaire

    Okay, bye! : p

    TheMechanicalGirl999

    jejeje papi!

  74. StorytellerOfTheDead

    I'm never listening to this again. Voltaire, I expected better.

  75. Megalus Doomslayer

    That's a lot of 'punishment' to put your body through every week.

  76. shadelupa

    i will never live down playing this in my p.e. class... never... apparently the teacher is a fan too.XD

    TheMechanicalGirl999

    GREATEST TEACHER EVER!

  77. Goodroosters

    Mm... good point.

  78. AllfatherV

    What do you mean by nobody?

  79. Goodroosters

    Excellent

  80. Napoleon Sharp

    especially the daedric princes

    Fallen Sparrow

    Napoleon Sharp I can actually see voltaire being a champion of sanguine

  81. estiny33

    Voltaire i thought i couldn't be scared any more...i was soooooo wrong

  82. ClicClikBang

    oh gawd.... right in the childhood! DX

  83. Katrystolo Kuit

    Lucky! I am soooo jealous of you. XD

  84. Goodroosters

    Even the ones no one believes in? Say... the Daedric Princes?

  85. Genevieve Fox

    e_e i will have tarribel dreems...

  86. Deomina Nizhenzi

    This is definitely my favorite song on the album, but that aside.....

    The fuck is wrong with you? XD

  87. BlackTemplar124

    Voltaire, did you extend this song? I don't remember it being this long.
    I feel filthy for listening to this, yet I can't stop listening O_o.

  88. brainbuster15

    it's just that's the last thing I would expect to see in the suggestions

  89. JoshFromGA

    what the hell did i just listen to!? I loved it, but WTF did I just listen to!?

  90. brainbuster15

    WHY THE HELL IS AN EPISODE OF HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO IN THE SUGGESTIONS!?

  91. Kwik Boii

    The one on the Zombie Prostitute is 7:47 :3

  92. cayon ya

    I wonder how it could be a videoclip of this song? Very Very Freak!!!

  93. Maeve .K

    no, he added two whole verses. lol

  94. MamaMidnight98

    Note to self: If you go to Tatooine, and see Voltaire there, get the crap out'ta there.

    TheWilderCat

    Why would you want to get out of there? (・ωー)

  95. Scott Perrigo

    Its ok he had it coming did you see how luke was dressed?

  96. Bart

    Well... This is certainly an interesting song to start the day with... :P

  97. YinYang528

    After this song, I'll never look at an orangina the same way XD Awesome version Voltaire, just pure awesome.

  98. Persephone Sixty-Six

    I'll never look at Star Wars in the same way ever again.