Voltaire - Cantina (BiTrektual Version) Lyrics

I'm glad I had headphones when clicking of this.

Alien probing stories are scary enough, but when they keep handing you off to the next alien in the conga line that's when you're really ....

*Smirk* fucked

Oooh! Right in the childhood!

Voltaire...why are you this way...

How does this almost eight minute long song about the anal rape of a teenage boy have me almost crying I'm laughing so hard lmfao we're all terrible people

Um anyone else here after the last episode of Shield Hero? That Redhead deserved this

I'm watching Star Wars. I can't watch the Cantina scene the same thanks to this song. I end up cracking up with naughty thoughts.

Classic country song. Much like robin Williams’ “pull your finger out my ass cause I’m leavin you behind”!

Why was Tom Waits on Tatooine in the first place?

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
But then I saw that there Cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?
Well I walked through the door and the music stopped...dead
All manner of man and beast were starein' at me
Seems just one week before, their Twilex slave-girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next best thing they seen

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My anus he destroyed
And now I got me, hemeroids
They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffe bar
I was hit over the head by old Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that Pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca
I was smeared in Wookie Ca ca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no no

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Well Salacious Crumb's so small ya cant detect him
Before I knew it, he shoved himself straight in, my rectum
And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my anus
Now I got a anal car alarm and I cant disconnect him
Oh greedo Greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker till it wasn't so tee-nee
He took me into Jabba's hut.
He stared intently at my butt
And then he Ooh-ta-ta'd me with his zucchini

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Take it away boys!

Well a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you!"
I said "Sorry"
He said "I don't like ya neither ya better watch yourself!"
And then some old dude who taught Vader, chopped his arm off with his saber
And later made for one red hot anal invader
I was broken..on the floor beat to a stooper
But then I was saved! there at the door was 10 stormtroopers!
But then my hopes faded away.. I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns storm troopin' me in the pooper

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
'cause ya turn the other cheak
But if ya spread em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

MORE! MORE! MORE!

Oh you boy! I'm high af listening to your songs, and that makes me feel more than sure that you're a master. You're great. ❤🕸

How to make your nerdy, gothic, Bulgarian BF laugh for 45 minutes to an hour...BE THE NERDY, GOTHIC, AMERICAN GF THAT INTRODUCES HIM TO VOLTAIRE VIA THE BITREKTUAL ALBUM! THEN GET ON TO OTHER "FUN" THINGS SOME OF THE KIDS HERE SHOULD NOT KNOW ABOUT UNTIL LAER AND MAKES ME WONDER WHAT THEY ARE DOING HERE!!! HAHAHAHAH!!! ;)!!!

Im hearing the Goth King singing country about Luke Skywalker becoming a sex slav.e. Im in that universe that MLP NES game came from....

Anybody who can use this as a form of comedy is absolutely brilliant! Voltaire, you are a true genius.

Oh my god Voltaire stop I'm crying XDD Luke Gaywalker confirmed lmao

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em.

(Groans of increasing discomfort)

Sick Fire Emblem reference

i know what im singing for the talent show

I wanted to do ex lover's lover but no one has instrumental tracks for any of his songs

Someone can give me a lyrics? I havent understand some of this (

+Haldirien x youll understand it all if ur a true voltaire fan

THIS. SONG. my boyfriend showed me this about 2 years ago, and couldnt stop laughing. I cant believe ive forgotten this!!!

ah the greatest hive of scum and villainy.

Starwars country... I LOVE IT

I'm getting Corruption of Champions and Trials in Tainted Space PTSD...

+MrDaemonGamer HAHAHA! God damnit This! So much this!

Jesus those games

I FOUND FELLOW PERVERTS!

MrDaemonGamer yush

This is great Voltaire! You make some of the best songs I've ever heard. You don't even mince your words. Bravo! So funny!

What the hell did I just listen ?!
I will forgot that with Zombie Prostitute ...

MrLednard
And Dead Girls, and Cathouse Tragedy...

This is one of those songs you don't want certain people knowing you listen to... But you can't stop listening.

Better than almost singing it during a family get together like a holiday. xD

Oh my god. You've just given me a way out of Thanksgiving dinner.

+HeSheXie THE FUCK U MEAN i listened to this yesterday and i showed it to 7 people

Ouch...

+DarkElfMairead No, that would be Cathouse Tragedy.

You should listen to one of the live performances he did at dragon con. Hilarious. Especially the sobbing of "My ass can't take much more. I can't survive another Outer Rim Job..."

jason sexton THATS FUCKING LEGENDARY

It's got to be bad that as soon as I heard hammerhead, my mind went "What was the Ithorian's name again?"  And then I had to look it up... Momaw Nadon...

Great Song... Funny as Hell..

Rule 34 :D

I lie to myself every time that I'm straight when I listen to his voice. Or look up pictures of the man. Or writing fanfilth. Or anything really.
...Take me like a zombie prostitute?

I might get kicked out of the library I'm in because I'm laughing too hard... ohmygod... XD I'm never going to see the Cantina scene the same ever again.

mmmmkay

You do know that every artist changes?
Anyway, your choice if your going to stay in the past.

Wow you're so insightful You should get a medal for exposing Voltaire's "faggishness".

This upsets him, but a song bout putting furry creatures in you`r ass he say`s nothing about........LOGIC!

There is most illogical Spock!

Damn it, my sides nearly split I was laughing so hard!

Way to not feed the trolls, Voltaire! Legit, man! This is one of the many reasons why I like your channel.

love that ending. wow. manwhoring on tatooine, cant be a very good job huh?

:D wow lol

Clearly not a fulltime Voltaire fan, you should know his style by now =P

hey shut the hecks up u idiot voltaire did great n if u cant like it then dont comment

I on the other hand, love it XD

It doesn't mean your weak if you turn the other cheek, And that's why I go back there every week. XD

I thought I hated country music. I was wrong; I hate country artists. You, sir, are fantastic in any genre. This song is fantastic and hilarious and just...I love you. Never stop creating.

I love just how chill you reacted to that well to be honest I didn't think you would reply thought you would just block him you are awesome my friend

When I first heard this at my friend's house, I said. "Wait, what?!?!" I listened very closely, I said "OH MY GOD!!!!!!"

the catchiest song ever about being raped.

all of your songs are awesome youre a god on tumblr and to all supernatural, doctor who, star treck, and star wars fans

I feel bad for this guy... he didn't get anyone's number!

Aw man, no posted lyrics for this one? How can I sing along? D:

Ah, yes, May the Fourth be with you. Finally I remembered it.

~ TDG

Nice song Voltaire, singing about the pan-homosexual adventure of some poor loon... I really do like this song odd sense of humor.

lol yes

This song is awesome.

I have to agree with StorytellerOfTheDead. I expected better. It could have been a lot more dirty. ; )

So....at first I was like omfg this poor guy but then I lol'd

Odd to post that on one of the songs that is about star wars.

Aye, cap'n. Live long and prosper. _\\//

Geekdom is universal, and why I love this thing... it brings us all together

Seriously people, listening to Voltaire got you into Star Trek?

For me it was just the opposite. Star Trek got me into listening to Voltaire. :)

Suddenly I'm wondering what our Voltaire can do with Ewok Celebration.

If he does go to my room... then Yes indeedy :-)

LOL Can I get an invite?

the original version of this song came up on my pandora this morning and I just had to look it up to hear it again. lo and behold, this exists. blessed be.

Wow Mr. Voltaire. This is a funny song. I love your music.

"It don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek, but if you spread them both of for Jabba you're not a man." Greatest line in a song, ever.

This was, by far, the best fucking song he's ever written.

Okay, bye! : p

jejeje papi!

I'm never listening to this again. Voltaire, I expected better.

That's a lot of 'punishment' to put your body through every week.

i will never live down playing this in my p.e. class... never... apparently the teacher is a fan too.XD

GREATEST TEACHER EVER!

Mm... good point.

What do you mean by nobody?

Excellent

especially the daedric princes

Napoleon Sharp I can actually see voltaire being a champion of sanguine

Voltaire i thought i couldn't be scared any more...i was soooooo wrong

oh gawd.... right in the childhood! DX

Lucky! I am soooo jealous of you. XD

Even the ones no one believes in? Say... the Daedric Princes?

e_e i will have tarribel dreems...

This is definitely my favorite song on the album, but that aside.....

The fuck is wrong with you? XD

Voltaire, did you extend this song? I don't remember it being this long.
I feel filthy for listening to this, yet I can't stop listening O_o.

it's just that's the last thing I would expect to see in the suggestions

what the hell did i just listen to!? I loved it, but WTF did I just listen to!?

WHY THE HELL IS AN EPISODE OF HERE COMES HONEY BOO BOO IN THE SUGGESTIONS!?

The one on the Zombie Prostitute is 7:47 :3

I wonder how it could be a videoclip of this song? Very Very Freak!!!

no, he added two whole verses. lol

Note to self: If you go to Tatooine, and see Voltaire there, get the crap out'ta there.

Why would you want to get out of there? (・ωｰ)

Its ok he had it coming did you see how luke was dressed?

Well... This is certainly an interesting song to start the day with... :P

After this song, I'll never look at an orangina the same way XD Awesome version Voltaire, just pure awesome.

I'll never look at Star Wars in the same way ever again.