Ninja Sex Party - The Mystic Crystal Lyrics






Long ago and far away
In labyrinths of coral caves
A mystic crystal was forged in glass
From magic or some shit like that
Its powers had been used for good
And all men lived in brotherhood
Until the necromancer came
Upon his steed of bones and flame

His prism eyes with evil gleamed
He stole the crystal, then he screamed
"Now gods and men and all between
Shall blow my necromancing shween!"
The knights and nobles of the land
Did all they could to stay his hand
Yet not a single blow was struck
Alas, for he was strong as fuck

He grabbed the princess from her throne
And trapped her in the crystal stone
The king called in his wizards three
And begged them brokenheartedly
"Search the forests, search the seas
Search time and all realities
Two champions are what I need
To bring my daughter back to me"

"Yes, my king, it shall be done"
The wizards said, and so begun
A wondrous spell that soon would find
The greatest men in space and time
And that's where our story begins
Where Danny and Brian come in
There is no quest from which they'd flee
But right now they're in New Jersey

"Hey, Ninja Brian, is that a mystic space portal behind you?"
"Oh, shit!"

We woke up in a foreign land
Inside a castle, oh so grand
And there atop a throne of gold
Arose the king, so gross and old
"I've called you from the great beyond
To save my daughter, hot and blonde
You've sailed across the sky and stars
The gods have brought you here unharmed"

"Actually, Your Majesty
You just sucked us through 26 dimensions of space and time
And I've gotta be honest with you..."

My arms are broken
And I don't know why my chest is smoking
"I will heal you with my staff
I'm sure we'll look back on this and laugh"
Now go, ride t'ward the sun
Atop these noble steeds
You're our spandex heroes
Now fulfill your destinies
And so we turned and rode
Beyond the castle walls
With shining codpiece armor
That cradled our chivalrous balls

The sky grew dark and the road was narrow
But I knew we'd never be led astray
Brian brought his magic arrows
They were blessed to light our righteous way

"Ah
Brian, do you think you could warn be before you're about to light our righteous way?
Oh, God! Alright fine! Whatever man
Let's ride!"

The trees were twisted and the air was thick
T'was clear his domain was as evil as dick
We passed through the gloom of the forest of fear
Then the pits of disgust and the Dark Swamp of Tears
Then off in the distance, so clear
The cold grey peak of Mount Nasty appeared
Past the Fields of Annoyance and Dragon Barf Junction
And the Treacherous Cliffs of Erectile Dysfunction
Now Brian has erectile dysfunction
Only Brian, though
"I know, it's weird..."

We arrived at the evil one's hall
And dismounted our trusty steeds with resolve
We hugged them goodbye and promised we'd never quit
Then they ran straight away for they gave not a shit
Moonlight rose over the door
And all of the jewels and the skulls on the floor
We felt no terror as we entered the cave
Unless the bells of doom tolled, we knew we'd be safe
We knew we'd be safe
We knew we'd be sa—
"Oh, fuck..."

Colored gemstones lit up the wall
They formed a rainbow trail up to a giant waterfall
And there, the Necromancer grinned, the princess stood frozen
Yet still so hot beside him (damn...)

Then I heard a voice in my mind
T'was the princess, she said, "Danny, your heart is kind
Only light can stop dark"
I knew what she spoke of
To defeat the necromancer I had to use love

"Stand back, Brian, I'm going to hug him!"

He immediately shattered both my legs
And threw me across the room
"I probably should have brought some weapons"
I thought as I flew
Then Ninja Brian picked me up
Because he's a good friend
Then he used my body like a club
To beat our enemy to death
I should have been in more pain
Than could ever be spoken
Luckily, I felt nothing
'Cause my back was totes broken
Oh, the necromancer was dead
And the crystal broke in three
I looked up into the light and saw
The princess was now free

"Brian, she's so beautiful! Roll me to her!"

We journeyed gladly toward the King
His lands now green with the life of spring
He leapt up and wept at the sight
Of his girl as she carried me through the night
"Heal this man, wizards", he cried with delight
Which they did, goddamn, they keep their magic game tight
But sadly it was time to leave
So the King said, "Fix Brian's ED"
And hooray for Ninja Sex Party

"Look, Ninja Brian, the portal back home is opening!"

Now fare thee well
It seems that our journey is at an end
We will be here
If you should ever need our help again
We walked away
But stopped and turned before we took our last step
Brian killed a guy
Real quick, to make sure he maintained his rep
We all have our battles to fight
And a crystal cage to break through in our lives
But when hope is gone
We will be there to help you, rock the fuck on





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Ninja Sex Party The Mystic Crystal Comments
  1. k.... ....

    I just want to say that I still can't listen to this song without breaking down a little at the end.
    It's beautiful.

  2. E.... V....

    Is the music video done😂?!?!?!

  3. S.... :....

    I love the longer songs like this, with several different types of pacing. It feels like it has several different songs in one. Literally one of the best songs I have ever heard, funny, nerdy, catchy, beautiful, everything I absolutely love about music. Might be a bold statement... But I think I like this more than Stairway to Heaven? Genuinely an amazing song. Great work and I can't wait to see this turn into a music video

  4. k.... ....

    This gives me Pinball Wizard vibes, and I am all about an entire show about these two beating the necromancer with love.

  5. t.... ....

    Mystical crystical

  6. B.... D....

    I like how this changes back and forth between pleasantly good song, and absolute banger like 12 times

  7. c.... c....

    Dude I can't wait until the video comes out for this. I really wanted to buy a pin but I couldn't

  8. T.... ....

    2:40
    (This is just for me, please watch their intro it's so wholesome)

  9. T.... G....

    Its good, but 69 wins imo x)

  10. E.... V....

    2:40 not that dan and Brian aren’t amazing but just incase you wanna skip to the song lol

  11. A.... H....

    Guys, i got a great dnd campaign idea

  12. N.... G....

    I cant wait to see the video 😀

  13. Z.... M....

    It'd be awesome of it was animated like that Game Grumps Battle Kid animation!

  14. j.... ....

    Essssss teeeeeeeee deeeeeeeeeee! Brian's got an essssssssss teeeeeeeee deeeeeeee!

  15. C.... H....

    *Dan And Brian Get Isekai'd*

  16. W.... ....

    "Colored gemstones lit up the wall
    They formed a rainbow trail
    Up to a giant waterfall
    There the necromancer grinned
    The princess stood frozen
    And yet still so hot beside him"
    I LOVE HOW THIS PART SOUNDS AAAAAAAAAA ITS SO GOOD!

  17. M.... S....

    It feels like the end of the song he is speaking to us.

  18. D.... P....

    I wish this was on Apple Music 🎶

  19. D.... G....

    This is the only music vid that doesn’t have all the lyrics of the song in a comment

    D.... G....

    Hard to fit 12 minutes of lyrics into a single comment. :)

    D.... G....

    Why would someone do a comment with the lyrics when they are in the description of the video?

    D.... G....

    is in the desc, no comment needed!

  20. R.... D....

    My hubby is a famed drummer from the 70’s & 80’s..our grandson turned us on to NSP and we were instant fans! Keep Rockin..

  21. A.... E....

    This sounds like a damn good fuckin DnD campaign

  22. N.... ....

    I’m just waiting for this to be released as a single

  23. m.... ....

    The first second of the video: Hello

    Me: SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!!

  24. T.... ....

    looks like the pins are sold out cool!!

  25. J.... ....

    I think that Danny is the new Keanu Reeves because he never ages.

  26. L.... S....

    Is it possible to have sex with a song?

  27. m.... r....

    Is it just me or am i the only one that refuses to listen to this song at the moment because i think it would be rude and a disservice to listen to this without the visuals?

  28. K.... J....

    I'm not even gonna listen to the song now because I really want to experience it for the first time with the animation that's 100% definitely going to end up happening. Good luck, guys. Not that you need it, you're rockstars.

  29. L.... ....

    i enjoyed this video hello music man

  30. F.... ....

    Isekai: the Song

  31. V.... G....

    This is NSP meets Iron Maiden meets Rush

  32. a.... c....

    No one's going to read this, but I just wanted to say last year was pretty dark for me, to the point that I was considering suicide, now this song didn't pull me out of my depression, but it did make me smile for the first time in a long time because I realised that awsome people do exist, and they're making awsome stuff and that stuff I don't want to miss. So thanks nsp and to anyone else who is making the world just a bit brighter.

    a.... c....

    adam c I’m happy to hear about that you found this song because it truly is a beautiful piece for everyone. Best of luck to you this year buddy.

    a.... c....

    @YouTube Facts thanks man, appreciate it.

  33. S.... ....

    Getting ready for an NSP concept album.

  34. G.... Q....

    I just imagine this as an isekai and you can't change my mind.

  35. D.... ....

    The most epic of all songs starts at 2:40

  36. V.... G....

    I want to be Danny when I grow up

  37. T.... M....

    Brian is like the modern Brian May, PhD and all

  38. A.... ....

    Stop feeling bad for asking your fans for money to do more cool shit. You have given us so much free content. Like you said, all your previous music videos have been out of pocket, this video epic can be on us since you already wrote and performed the epic musical gurney to write and record the song. Honestly, don't even need the pin, it discourages those who want to make a smaller donation that will add up higher. Patreon or GoFundMe.

  39. H.... 0....

    Funny how 123 people accidentally pressed dislike.

  40. k.... f....

    Got one Love it!

  41. N.... C....

    I'm super duper DOUBLE sad times that I just found out about this and missed the pins.
    This bends my heart boner the wrong way :/

    N.... C....

    They funded the music video so it’s all good. Glad I got one before they ran out though

  42. o.... ....

    wow ok didnt expect to cry at the end there all of a sudden

  43. s.... w....

    Noooooo I missed it! I want a pin :(

  44. J.... H....

    For those coming back to listen to the song, it starts at 2:39.

  45. B.... G....

    Damn that pin looks baller as fuck. Wait a moment, I just need to deposit some money first.


    Edit: dammit, they sold out. That's what I get for not gettin here earlier.

  46. T.... E....

    make a musical movie out of this omg

  47. C.... C....

    It is the same guy from game grumps

    C.... C....

    Yes this is Arin Hanson

  48. R.... E....

    Game Grumps Twilight Princess part 68

  49. S.... S....

    Im donating all my organs and giving the money for this

  50. n.... v....

    Waiting for the animation.

  51. K.... 1....

    i can just imagine all the guest stars
    Markiplier
    JonTron
    Projared
    Jacksepticeye
    Arin Hanson
    Ross O Donovan
    Barry Kramer
    Audrey Wetch

    K.... 1....

    Guest stars for what, the music video? It’s gonna be animated so that’s not gonna happen

    K.... 1....

    @Shrek The Ogre oh maybe voice overs then

  52. R.... ....

    the king should be jack black, that would be cool

  53. A.... V....

    Omg so Rush

  54. A.... S....

    No fair. Didn't get notified of this at all till now. I wanna throw money at this just because

  55. K.... O....

    C-c-can we please have a little more more the limited pins? I have a hat it needs to be put on!

  56. d.... ....

    just got my pin, it's pretty sweet, I wear it to my dnd sessions.
    looking forward to the music video :)

  57. M.... M....

    Looks like Danny's finally getting his money's worth out of "How to Pick Up Girls by Lying About Magic Artifacts"

  58. V.... L....

    Damn you busy december making me put off a 14 minute video as too much. Missed the pin, limited edition makes me sad, but cant wait to see the final video. Will just have to support through buying other things!

  59. C.... C....

    Ninja Brian !!!!!!!!

  60. K.... H....

    So glad I was actually home for this video when it was posted! Got a pin maybe 10 minutes after it was posted and I guess it sold out quick? XD Super happy I got to get a pin to support this because the song is beyond dope af! Love you guys and keep rockin!~<3

  61. J.... ....

    Jesus, Brian got old.

  62. A.... L....

    When this animation finishes they are going to release a whole movie like daft punk did and it will be nothing short of dick jokes and I am okay with that

  63. R.... M....

    This was really like 4 or 5 songs in one video, and I think this just sounds like it should be made into a full length musical

  64. G.... ....

    This is basically NSP does a Isekai. And I couldn’t be more hype!!!

  65. I.... M....

    I just got the pin for Christmas! It’s so pretty! Really hope the music video gets made.

  66. R.... ....

    I'm ten seconds into the song and I love it

  67. N.... A....

    12:46 if you listen VERY carefully, you can hear some snippets of an nsp song. It's very faint, but it's there. I think it could be from attitude city

  68. J.... F....

    Just got my pin the mail today. So sweet and shiny🤩

  69. K.... ....

    can we please have the drawing (14:13) on a shirt, please! (pleaseeeeee)


    Also, this song is BEYoNd AMazINg

  70. X.... T....

    I appreciate y'all wanting to not just beg but... I guaran-fucking-tee you could have saved a little time and money by just asking for the cash and folks would've been *happy* to go fund you. And it isn't even begging since we (the fans) are buying the product of the music video we will enjoy. Just for future reference.

  71. N.... ....

    I'm chomping at the bit for the video man, I know it's only been a month and a day, but I have a mighty need.

  72. 1.... ....

    Free replays!
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38
    2:38

  73. S.... ....

    2:39 is when the real party begins.

  74. T.... G....

    Did the king's wizards heal Brian's erectile dysfunction?

    T.... G....

    Yes.

    “So the king said fix brian’s ED”

  75. I.... ....

    Been wearing my pin since it arrived!!!!!

  76. K.... W....

    This is SO GOOD. I’m sad I missed out on a pin!

  77. L.... W....

    Sell more fukkin pins!

  78. T.... D....

    Any one know if this song will ever be on iTunes. I would buy this in a heartbeat.

  79. R.... C....

    My only problem with this is the final fight, its the same joke as 6969, too powerful for Danny and brian steps in and instantly kills him, would be nice to at least have 2 mins of a fight with Danny actually fighting back

    R.... C....

    Danny's a lover, not a fighter. And unfortunately as this shows, love isn't a great weapon against a necromancer.

  80. A.... L....

    If I wasn't flat broke I would.

  81. R.... T....

    Man, I would have totally bought a pin if I got here sooner :(

  82. Z.... S....

    That acoustic part at the end gets me every time. The goosebumps...

  83. B.... ....

    made it in time for 420k views, nice

  84. C.... R....

    Son of a bitch, it's sold out. 😦

  85. M.... C....

    Yes!!!!!

  86. J.... L....

    Love this!
    Please check out my cover of Danny don’t you know! ☺️

    https://youtu.be/lo0lKkMt2z8

  87. S.... S....

    Holy fuck sticks this is amazing

  88. J.... T....

    I bought a pin. My only other request is to please add any love action bloopers at the end

  89. E.... T....

    For ten whole years Brian has had an std and now he has erectile dysfunction and they made a song about twice. Damn I almost feel bad for him... ehh maybe not ❤brian

  90. d.... ....

    NEED MORE PINS

  91. V.... ....

    This confirms my desire for a full length NSP movie

  92. H.... W....

    Ninja Sex Party is my favorite isekai

  93. a.... ....

    funny to see NSP acting normal. this song is kicking! lets get these pins make it happen! update: they sold out on the website: danny or brian if you want to sell the ones you holding right now that would be greaaaaat.

  94. S.... D....

    I saw this video too late and the pins are all sold out now 😭