Ninja Sex Party - Cool Patrol Lyrics

Yo Ninja Brian, you see that high schooler over there getting pushed around?
This looks like a job for the Cool Patrol!

Hey Kid! (Yo!) You're getting picked on in school
The other boys! (Huh!)! They say you just ain't cool
Well that's bullshit! (Yeah!) We're gonna teach you the rules
Those motherfuckers ain't gonna bother you no more

We are the bad boys (Oh!) from the tough side of town
We are the Cool Patrol (Woo!) we'll turn your life around
Those bullies are shit their ass is done for now
We're gonna show you how! So fuckin' listen y'all! First…

You put your hands in the air
And you jump off the ground
And then you take that funky butt and you shake it all around
And lightly jog in place and then crank it up to a prance
This is the cool patrol dance

Now put your hands in your pockets
And take them right back out
Then spin around in a circle and make an animal sound (moo)
Then glide into the sprinkler like you're gonna water the plants
This is the cool patrol dance


You get all that, kid?
That wasn't actually very helpful
That was just like an instructional dance
Hell, yeah!

Motherfuckin' bullies better watch their ass
You're sending all them shits a message there's a new king in class
When they see you they're gonna freak out and piss their pants
They are your bitches! They are your bitches because...

You put your hands in the air
And then stick out your rear end
And then you wiggle it real hard and you hug your closest friend
And then you wildly remove your clothes and tear away pants
This is the cool patrol dance

Now rub the peanut butter on you
From your head to your feet
And cover up your nudity with different cheeses and meats
Then slap a camel because this could be your only chance
This is the cool patrol dance

Cool break!
This is cool!
[coughs] Excuse me.
Hey, I have an idea!
Let's kick it!

You put your hands in the air
And grab a bird from the sky
And eat it whole so that you may absorb its power of flight
Now you can also dive bomb fish because your vision's enhanced
This is the cool patrol dance

You're basically a superhero now
So throw some cars
Then rub your magnum thighs together and set fire to Mars
Now harness all your sexy fury in a victory stance
This is the cool patrol dance!

[Danny Sexbang]: Your training is complete! Now go show those fuckers who's boss!
[Kid]: Okay! Hey guys! Listen up! You put your hands in-
[Danny Sexbang]: Oh, god! He might.. He might actually be dead.

Other Lyrics by Artist

Rand Lyrics

Ninja Sex Party Cool Patrol Comments
  1. boper

    They gotta change the description now that Matt got verified

  2. GalaxyXD

    I ducking lost it when I saw mark as a cool kid.

  3. Pk-bananadee

    Ninja Brian staring at marks crotch XD

  4. Erik Frye

    2016: this is pretty nice
    2017: This is great
    2018: Ah memories

  5. white jadin

    I learned this dance by heart

  6. Jenny Hughey

    I love Markiplier just shows up in nsp videos

  7. Please Help Me

    B R E A T H E!!!

  8. Jaker The Snaker

    1 not so grumpy rockstar
    3 gamers
    And 1 Cold hearted murderer

  9. Conor Coad

    If mark takes this down because of unus anas I’m gonna be pissed

  10. Web Puppy

    Matt was the coolest by far

  11. PringoOrSomething

    This is like when the guardians of the galaxy joined the avengers

  12. Urnusse Lemage

    I'm starting to think those highschooler bullies arent actually highschoolers.

  13. TacT1caApp13

    Now i know where Markiplier got all his moves for A Heist With Markiplier!

  14. Brandon Hobgood

    Markiplier is the Lil Jon of this video

  15. Red Charizard


  16. Pickle Otter

    Play on .5x

  17. Staggorath

    Local teenager finds out the secret to not getting bullied is wearing a leather jacket and dancing your ass off

  18. ThePunslinger93

    Brb, going to slap a camel... it might be my only chance!

  19. Gebel

    Hell yes Zan Alda is still alive. Wish he made more youtube videos. Y'all should subscribe to him, and check out some of his videos at his youtube page is ZanMan72

  20. Leo Nevus

    Even all these years later, no love for Matt and Ryan.

    Show love for em!!! We dem bois!!!

  21. Gray_justGray

    Aaaand there go my final brain cells....

  22. MiniFlightlessBird

    Having this as background writing music isn't the best, because Dan's deadpan "MOO" kills me every time.

  23. Mr.idgaf

    This stopped all the bullies in my workplace. Yeah sure I’m still waiting for my next shift now, but I sure showed them bullies!💪

  24. ayyomanson

    Me: Gets on skates once, breaks collarbone
    Dancers in the video: having a lot of fun

  25. Emy Sayer

    Danny had to say to mark, “we need you to put on a this 80s exercise suit and smile while dancing and waving your hips everywhere”. Then they had to go to jack and say “Marks gonna thrust his crotch in your face, looked scared”

  26. Violet _Stars

    Jack has the same look I have whenever people talk to me lol

    Edit: I have no idea what I just watched. But it was cool

  27. Anna

    Oh, he might actually be dead...

    RIP jackspedicey

  28. Christy Tina

    My heart can't take Jack and Danny together. 😍

  29. Britt Z

    Poor Jack... He's so cute and innocent in this. XD

  30. Mr. Glopy

    Me: *sees jack and other YouTubers*

    Instant click

  31. Keve Teller

    Man, Ninja Brian's stare can kill gods

  32. crimsonking440

    This song was the perfect opportunity to include BearForceOne. Maybe one day...

  33. The life giving Puppet

    Markipler was way to into this

  34. Coot Neko

    Whose watching this 2019

  35. Auroras Aura

    I just realized,, where's Arin? This has like everyone but him

  36. Joe owl

    That was epic

  37. Ashley Smith

    Jack's facial expression when their doing the dancing at the beginning is literally the exact same as mine. Highly disturbed and scarred for life.

  38. corp corp

    So on my spotify I heard what I thought was jack bit I thought no that's impossible me now anything is possible

  39. weeb man

    Hasn't mark done this already?

  40. Nia Harris

    How did Dan not get Ross to help out with this?

  41. Makenna Murphy

    The skating dance is jaw-dropping.

  42. Robert Messner

    Damn this bubble gum crap is given me an earache!

    The Space Of Ades

    I mean, it's supposed to be dorky, so I guess they succeeded.

  43. Rose Hannaquist

    Some misheard lyrics:
    Motherfuckin' bullies better wash their abs
    We are your bitches!
    You're basically a superhero now so blow some cars...

  44. Videl Phoenix

    Bruh. I'm gay as fuck but Danny... I could go for a Danny

  45. Pigvsbacon

    Nobody commenting on how Matts underwear doesnt even fit his tiny body XD

  46. Barry Martinez

    Can we have a 1 hour version of this song? I'm tired of hitting the repeat Dutton every 3:33 minutes.

  47. jake sutton

    first time watching the video hahaha i should have figured that Markaplier was a bad boy from the ruff part of town XD

  48. Super Pegwe

    i think the real reason jack died was because he didn't slap the camel

  49. ShemyDjent

    1:37 god I love Barry

  50. CaptinCrissPants Says hi

    i was crying before this song and once it came on, i couldnt help to cry and sing along. it actually really helped💖

  51. Smimou

    Supermega killed it

  52. AlfioBot

    This song puts me in such a good mood I can't even describe it

  53. Amethyst Quartz

    jack dressed like spongebob

  54. PenguinMaestro

    I swear this is the best video on the internet.

  55. Lavender Roselinda HP & 1D

    Jack is definitely perfect for the role cause he's smol and acts like a child. Mark is also perfect because he looks strong and cool with his red hair.

  56. Wade Wilson

    Wait that actually is Zan

  57. Charlie Frid

    0.02 who else wanna squeeze dat ass!!!!

  58. jar jar bink

    Just watching this in class got me bullied

  59. Vex

    Is there anything Mark can't look fantastic in? I mean, he just looks great in pretty much anything. XD

  60. Pokenala

    Markipliers expressions were the best parts


    Hello past me

  61. Ken sssa

    I'm not really a Nina Sex Party fan, but these guys are fucking awesome and the message should be embraced by everyone. Rock on Dan and Brian, keep making people feel good! This song is a good time, lets all have it!!

  62. Chris Daley

    Damn Ryan’s member is REALLY flapping around in those gym shorts

  63. kuko0306

    Still great!

  64. Raikazuchi

    My favorite part of this will always be Mark's overcommittment to the dancing segments.

  65. FunnyGuyTimmy

    3:05 I like hot the girl with the tattoos is unfazed by murder.

  66. dylan lewis

    It's way to early to feel like I've taken LSD

  67. Katsuki. Kirishima

    And trust me. Mark knows a thing or two about R E S P E C T

  68. Freddie Mercury


  69. okinxen

    I will NEVER get over how amazing Mark’s facial expressions in this are

  70. Marty McFlew


    Fortnite Default Dance

  71. Alexander Ozzy

    wtf is this

  72. PuddingCup Plays

    20 listens today. Something is seriously wrong with me.

  73. the blue monkey and koner

    Y have I never heard of this none of these you tubers mention this video

  74. Matthew Bagley

    Wait?! WE didn't see a dummy getting beat up at the end? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE NSP I KNOW AND LOVE?!

  75. mugsofstupidity _

    I’m so uncomfortable yet so amused

  76. TheKaizuko

    3 years ago?!!!

  77. Dank Memes

    Can we go backwards in time please

  78. Mihari

    lol jack xD


    Wtf has my YouTube recommendations lead me to?

  80. Ribbon 8

    Cool song and all, but I liked also the last bit with the slapping bass

  81. TV gaming

    Anybody watching in 2019?

  82. Ellis Is Here

    i have finally made it in life, i am writing about budgets and costs whilst listening to ninja sex party in my collage class

  83. Illuminati

    Sean over there like wtf is happening right now

  84. Kathryn Hand


  85. Emma jacksepticeye biggest fan

    I really like that song so much because my boy jacksepticeye in it I don't like that you let my boy jacksepticeye dead in the video I don't like that I was in the video I would have saved my boy jacksepticeye live

    Braxton Arrington

    Explain your name

  86. Matt The Trucker

    Never seen the video before. Didn’t realize that was jack

  87. Ashley Landsberg

    When they’re dancing Jack looks *very* confused

  88. pudin cup

    The reason why Jack look uncomfortable is because he is wheired out by what American do

  89. Matthew Dixon

    Are you guys serious you actually like this you actually like listening to this and watching this s***? I mean maybe I'm just biased because I know what real music is but what the f

  90. Matthew Dixon

    God's judgment cannot come quick enough.

  91. Matthew Dixon

    This freaking guy sounds like somebody that used to sing kids songs on Barney and then tried to go big and got shot down and had a nervous breakdown and now he's doing this stupid jacked up stuff. I cannot believe that there are 301000 likes for this. I mean our people clicking light just to be sarcastic he looks like a weird Al yankovic wannabe pedo

    The Space Of Ades

    That's the point of the entire character though. He tries to be cool and sexy, but is just a dork.

  92. R. C.

    i am both so confused and having a great time with this song XD i cant stop laughing

  93. omegaD1000

    0:15 marks pop up

  94. frost wolf

    Cool patrol
    Mark and his friends: *dramatic floof flip* You called?

  95. ThyOliveOil

    The background dancers really tie the song together