MC Lars - Internet Relationships (Are Not Real Relationships) Lyrics

Internet relationships are not real
Your heart people steal but identities conceal
So here's a tale of warning for girls and boys
Laptop computers can be dangerous toys

[DARYL47:] In the chat room, I inspect. Who's here tonight? ASL check
[CarolBabe69:] I'm 20/f from the UK. Send me an IM and I'll make your day
[DARYL47:] I'm 22 and my name is Daryl
[CarolBabe69:] Nice to meet you Daryl my name is Carol
[DARYL47:] What do you like Carol?
[CarolBabe69:] I like to go to shows. I collect comic books and vintage clothes
What do you like?
[DARYL47:] I like to skate. I play rock guitar, but I'm not that great
I like to go on dates and I like to stay up late
I live in San Francisco and hang on the Haight
[CarolBabe69:] Do you like the Golden Gate?
[DARYL47:] I did when I was eight
[CarolBabe69:] Maybe I can come and visit?
[DARYL47:] Maybe you should wait
See I'm really forty-seven, I have kids and a wife
I weight 300 pounds and I really hate my life
[CarolBabe69:] Are you serious?
[DARYL47:] Yes
[CarolBabe69:] Well, I've got a secret too. I'm not 20 years old, I'm really 32
I only have one leg and I like to sniff glue
[DARYL47:] You lied to me Carol
[CarolBabe69:] Well, you lied to me too

[CHORUS]
It's not normal to have an Internet girlfriend.
Online relationships are really just pretend
Unplug your heart, upgrade your system.
Get, get off the Internet

Bob went on MySpace for hours a day.
Talking to girls from Moscow to LA
But people can surprise you from behind a screen
Listen to this verse and you'll see what I mean

[SueChick1990:] Hi, I'm Susie, I like your profile
I checked out your pics and I like your smile
[BOBSTER MAN:] Sounds good Susie, I'll be your friend
We can message each other again and again
[SueChick1990:] Comment on my pics and post on my page
Join my groups and guess my age!
[BOBSTER MAN:] You must be 18, how could you not?
You can't be in high school you're just too hot
[SueChick1990:] Let me send you pics for your personal collection
I hope they inspire you and give you a smile
Susie sent Bob pics that were borderline obscene
The cops showed up at his door - she was only 16

[REPEAT CHORUS]

If you don't believe us here's a final story
About a boy named Marcus and his online girlfriend Lori
Behind the monitor, truth is hidden from your eyes
Marcus didn't know but he was in for a surprise

[MARCUSP:] We've been dating for a while but let's cut to the chase
I don't know what you look like, and I want to see your face
[Laurie69:] But what does it matter? You know who I am inside
[MARCUSP:] What if you're not a woman and this whole time you lied?
[Laurie69:] You got me there, I'm not really a female
I'm a guy who pretends to be a girl through email
[MARCUS:] So this is why it's bad to meet women online
Living life behind the screen is a total waste of time!

[REPEAT CHORUS]

Internet Relationships (Are Not Real Relationships)