Lynch, Stephen - Whittlin' Man Lyrics






In the woods of Northern Michigan he made his home.
Didn't ask much from the world, just wanted to be alone.
And got his first real blade at thirteen—thats when it all began.
And soon the creatures of the forest called him "Whittlin' Man".

Yeah, he whittled all day and he whittled all night,
He whittled, whittled, whittled everything in sight,
He whittled on a stick, and he whittled on his shoe,
And if you come too close, he gonna whittle you too!

Keep a safe distance if you can,
'Cause you're never safe around Whittlin' Man!

Had a stump to sit on, had some wood, had his trusty knife.
Whittled out a house, a car, and he whittled himself a wife. (Such a beautiful wife!)
Whittled out four kids, a swimming pool, and a big LearJet,
And so he wouldn't miss Saved By the Bell, well, he whittled a TV set.

Yeah, he whittle if it's light, and he whittle if it's dark,
And if Noah was around, well he'd whittle him an ark.
He'd whittle somethin' new, and he'd whittle somethin' old,
Whittle somethin' hot, and he'd whittle somethin' rather chilly.

Keep a safe distance if you can,
'Cause you're never safe around Whittlin' Man!

Break it down.

Some say Whittlin' Man's a genius, still others say he's just dumb.
He whittled off a foot, an ear, three fingers, and his left thumb.
Boy, is he dumb!
That won't stop him, no it won't!
He'll whittle through thick and thin.
Once he's whittled everything,
He'll just whittle it all again!

Yeah, he whittle if it's white, and he whittle if it's black,
And he whittle on a duck till the duck can't quack.
He whittle if it's dry, and he whittle if it's juicy,
Whittle on Desi and he whittle on Lucy.
Whittle JFK and he whittle Jackie O,
Whittled on Larry and Curly and Moe,
And he whittle Frank Zappa and he whittle Tipper Gore,
Whittle, whittle, whittle, till he can't no more.
Whittle Shamu and he whittle on Jaws!
Whittle Easter Bunny and he whittle Santa Claus!
And he whittle, whittle, whittle, just as fast as he can
Whittle till he's dead, he's... Whittlin' Man!





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Lynch, Stephen Whittlin' Man Comments
  1. R.... K....

    "This just in from Northern Michigan, the Whittlin man has struck again! the tally is up to 25 victims."

  2. k.... ....

    My white friend Shane put me hip to this back in 7th grade lmao I love this whole project

  3. C.... S....

    Being from Northern Michigan, this is 100% accurate for most people there.

  4. B.... ....

    For many years I wonder still: What the █u██ is a whittlin' man?

    B.... ....

    One who whittles ;)

  5. T.... O....

    I actually still have my left thumb. It just doesn't move very well anymore.

  6. a.... d....

    we could make him a creepypasta

  7. S.... ....

    I don't understand this song so hard, but I love it.

  8. C.... B....

    This is my favorite Stephen Lynch song. His best musicianship.

  9. m.... m....

    jee jee

  10. O.... ....

    Im sitting here with 5 stitches in my left thumb from whittlin a spoon.. Wife sent me this video.

  11. R.... H....

    love Lynch. his music isn't funny to me just impressive

  12. W.... k....

    8 people were whittled by Whittlin Man!

    W.... k....

    that's more than he could count

    W.... k....

    Whittlin Man must be busy, it's gone up to 22....

    W.... k....

    @Tracey Baker Twenty four.

  13. C.... J....

    rusted knife fell upon the green. Can't help, but wonder where it's been.
    Carves through wood and the forests moan. Now watch as its power grows with the Sheppard's tone
    No puppet strings can hold him down. So patiently he whittles in the town. Abnormal soon will be the norm, enjoy the calm before the storm.

  14. R.... C....

    This sounds and feels way more Tenacious D than Stephen Lynch... :/

    R.... C....

    Because they were both fueled, by Satan! :P

    R.... C....

    How on earth is sounding like the D a bad thing GTFO

    R.... C....

    Robert Corbell It sounds more like a great thing than the great thing it actually is

    R.... C....

    Maybe that's what makes this song kick more ass than the rest.

    R.... C....

    I discovered both artists on the same radio, both awesome

  15. S.... M....

    I wish this album and superhero had videos too thatd be awesome

  16. S.... L....

    One lyric correction- it's not a "leer jet", but rather a "Lear jet"

  17. E.... I....

    Whittlin' Man, steps out to greet you he smiles and says, he's pleased to meet you.
    Beneath his hat the strangeness lies
    Take it off, he's got three eyes.

    E.... I....

    You have entered the twilight zone. Beyond this place strange things are known

    E.... I....

    @Jacob McCallister
    Use the key, unlock the door. See what your fate might have in store.

    E.... I....

    @Exanime Inanimalia Why does everybody see dragons when they do lsd?!?I had one coming at me from out of the corner of my eye and it was some cool but scary shit!I just thought you would know...

  18. B.... ....

    This song is pretty strange even for Stephen Lynch. :-)

  19. M.... ....

    now all i can hear when i listen is "ritalin man"

  20. s.... ....

    Wanernerneerr

  21. p.... s....

    Heyyyyyy... They wrote a song about my dad!

  22. E.... ....

    Your never safe around ritalin man!

  23. f.... ....

    I like the people who go,"do do do do do do" xD

  24. M.... ....

    i didn't know till today that this was originally written as a grunge song with electric guitar and drums, stephen's dvd is awesome, all the gems you didn't know are on there

  25. I.... ....

    What a fucking man <3

  26. C.... M....

    This is fucking sick