Lynch, Stephen - My Old Heart Lyrics






When I'm dead and gone
Before I'm buried, promise me
Give my eyes to science
That a blind man, he might see

Pump my blood through new veins
May it answer someone's prayers
Anyone not breathing, let these lungs give him air

But leave me my old heart
It's useless don't they know
You broke it long ago

Fuck it, grab a kidney
Give some bald kid my hair
Couples not conceiving
Throw my sweet jizz all up in there

Transplant my backfat
Sell my gold teeth to get rich
Pull out my large intestines
Make a jump rope out of that bitch

Oh, just leave me my old heart
Cause it's dead anyway
Since you fucked my cousin Ray-Ray

Donate all my fingers
Except for this one
This one's yours

My kneecaps might come in handy
When Ray-Ray's got you on all fours

Oh just leave me my old heart
I need it on the day
The day I fuck Ray-Ray's bae named AJ





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Lynch, Stephen My Old Heart Comments
  1. 1.... N....

    Where is this guy now damn

  2. H.... ....

    Tell me im not alone here still in 2020

    H.... ....

    you are not

  3. P.... K....

    It's no El Rey, but it's good to see Stephen's not dead. 👍

  4. j.... ....

    Courtney is gorgeous and she looks like she is having a great time.

  5. H.... ....

    🤣🤣🤣Steve freaks out about Mike Tyson, but then spends 10 more minutes making fun of him. Some people have no survival instincts whatsoever.
    It’s still funny. And Mike seems to be in the mood to laugh at himself in his old age (good on him).

  6. M.... N....

    The gas thing is, this guy could play regular songs and be absolutely huge!

  7. A.... F....

    13:59 That ad lib gets me every time

  8. E.... T....

    1:48 Laurali
    9:10 Queer Tattoo
    24:50 Let me inside
    31:00 Craig
    38:30 Night I laid you down
    43:40 No Meat
    52:00 Denzel
    57:45 Whiskey Dick (Musical)
    1:04:06 Peanuts
    1:07:53 Guy Like Me
    1:15:00 Love Is
    1:19:30 Asshole
    1:24:50 Tennessee


    These are not perfect time-stamps or titles, just did this for my own reference

    E.... T....

    The musical is called Whiskey Dick

    E.... T....

    @Carlos Lopez thanks for the info! updated it. Have a good one.

  9. C.... R....

    Stephen your voice is so pretty

  10. t.... ....

    That teardrop under your eye that you got in prison for killing a guy ..... that's a cool tattoo ...lmao

  11. S.... ....

    Why you dont make serious music, i think you Will do it good!

  12. A.... A....

    The Peanuts song is the best :)

  13. G.... M....

    Stephen needs to write,direct,star and sing in a hobo of the opera and get it on broadway

    G.... M....

    And include the peanuts song in it.

  14. M.... S....

    Fun fact: Mary was 12 when she gave birth to Jesus. Yep. Joseph was a pedo.

    M.... S....

    You mean God was a pedo, right? Cuz, immaculate conception and all... ;)

  15. A.... V....

    There is that one guy in the audience, just wanting Almighty Malachi. It would have been awesome if he sang it!

  16. C.... R....

    Impressive as a fellow musician, phenomenal as a stand up comedian, and fucking awesome as a human being. Good to see some new Stephen Lynch.

  17. J.... H....

    She sounds indistinguishably similar to Julia Stone. Am I alone in thinking this?

  18. E.... F....

    Dan Stevens and Stephen Lynch look like evil twins where neither is the good one and one is British for some reason.

  19. J.... B....

    legit the only comedian that came the closest to making me piss my pants laughing watching live

  20. S.... G....

    So much cocaine. Only one Stephen. We believe in you Stephen.

  21. F.... F....

    Stephen, we need a live show in Portland Oregon. I will go in disguise so no one knows about my dark humor. And, just for kicks, I'll invite a sweet elder lady just to watch her reactions to you, it would be like a double show...for me.

  22. N.... ....

    Stephen's is funny as fuck, I know him from the opie and anthony show. I love his 10 minutes on the first third of the show. Courtney is hot as fuck and sings like an angel. Perfect pair.

  23. S.... P....

    "That's a cool tattoo" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  24. R.... ....

    I saw this tour live in Phili. Definitely one of loudest crowds I've ever been apart of, great show.

  25. S.... M....

    1:13:11 and that guys is how a woman will always choose

  26. t.... ....

    Probably the only time in recorded history that a jewish girl named Goldberg says "12 inch cock".......

  27. R.... C....

    I love stephen lynch but did you get the melody for "Lay you down" from "a knight at night?" Bonnie Prince Billy? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIGPIbQlgno

  28. X.... D....

    I miss you Steve, you'll be forever missed

    X.... D....

    He's not dead. New album just released

    X.... D....

    @Jimmie Rudolfsson o__O In liberal SJW PC Amurika, all comedy is dead.

    X.... D....

    @Xion Dominagus good recovery mate

  29. R.... P....

    Where you been Steve?????

    R.... P....

    New album just released

  30. A.... M....

    Stephan lynch is a comedy/music genius , and Courteney has an angelic voice.

  31. t.... s....

    Have loved Stephen for years, and have seen him live. I've watched this several times and it's one of my favorite videos of him. I don't mind ads on YouTube - they're expected. But wtf are they thinking by recently putting them in the MIDDLE of the songs?

  32. S.... B....

    "drops of Jupiter, what does that even mean"
    Lol ouch, drops of Jupiter was about the writers mother, who died from lung cancer.

  33. A.... ....

    Now a fan of Courtney Jaye

  34. J.... P....

    IT WAS FU**ING PHIL COLLINS!

  35. T.... J....

    Timestamps
    1:45 Lorelei
    9:17 Tattoo
    24:52 Let me Inside
    31:06 Craig
    38:37 The Night I Laid You Down
    43:45 No Meat
    52:02 No title (possibly 'Denzel')
    57:37 Whiskey Dick
    1:04:16 Crazy Peanuts
    1:09:39 Lion
    1:15:06 Hey Love
    1:19:18 Fishing Hole
    1:25:44 Tennessee

  36. A.... M....

    I for one have never forgot about this guy, still have his whole ...catagory ^^ love you brother. come to INdianapolis, IN,

  37. B.... H....

    hobo chuck is the shit!

  38. T.... T....

    The songs on this video are great,but he did way to much talking.

    T.... T....

    He did too much talking on his stand-up comedy routine.. Hmm...

  39. a.... ....

    Her singing along is soooo heavenly

  40. J.... W....

    A friend of mine has a My Little Pony tattoo that his daughter picked out.

    Haley was her name she was six sadly 5 years ago she lost her battle with leukemia😢😭.

    She picked out the tattoo for him to get from a book that she had and she took three different ones Andrew it herself God she could draw good.

    And he went and got the tattoo and had her name put in it and below it put.

    The love of my life my little angel and sweet and beloved daughter.

    She gave her My Little Pony angel wings on her drawing her dad I was about to spend $300 on this tattoo tell the tattoo artist what was going on and he did it on the house because he knew Haley.
    The year before Haley was mowing yards for people as best she could on a riding tractor she was almost 6 then she never got to see her seventh birthday 3 days before it, she was called home.

    She was always well behaved and one of her favorite songs came from Stephen Lynch LOL and Avril Lavigne.

    I took her out on many walks pushing her wheelchair message show her oxygen mask was on right and I even took an extra mask put over that a face mask and I doubled up the mask that I had to wear and I always put on latex gloves before I even touch the wheelchair.

    She loved going outside she loved camping fishing hiking swimming I wish you was here right now so I can give her a big old hug that's how much I miss her.

    She always see me as a second father and she told me that in front of her dad at first I didn't know how to react and I said honey that's one hell of a compliment and means the world to me.

    I asked her why does she feel that way she said no matter what how busy you were I'll call you on my Daddy calls you, you come running as fast as you can and willing to help do whatever needs to be done.

    I'm sorry I got sick and can't help out.

    I said honey you can help us all out by getting better focus on that keep that smile on your beautiful little face it's okay she gave me a great big ol hug.

    Burying Hailey damn near destroyed me it did destroy her father he committed suicide 3 weeks after she passed.

    We laid him next to her his beloved daughter.

    on both of their graves I put a solar cross so at night it lights up I'm both Graves I modified it myself give an extra solar panels and extra batteries long lasting rechargeable I haven't been to the Grave since we buried her father a year-and-a-half ago but my friend who drives by there every day knows where they're buried and tells me the crosses are still lit up at night.

    I think this coming week I might go by sit at the grave and talk to my friend and his little girl the closest thing to a family I have I hate living alone and being alone it always seems that truly the good do Die Young.

    I miss Haley and I miss her dad John may they rest in peace and one day I'll get to see them again I really can't wait till that day see Mom Dad my cousins my older brother Mark and many other friends I've lost over the years may they all rest in peace.

    I can't tell you how hard this was meant to write crying while I post this.

    Please everybody who reads this and gets this far do me a big favor tell your loved ones you love them as much as possible as you can don't wait until it's too late don't wait until they pass away and they're gone, gone FOREVER let them know now today how much they mean to you even if you're not talking to them send them a letter send them an email State.
    Hey I'm still pissed at you but we're family, I still love you.

    Whether or not they respond you're the bigger person because you told them how you truly felt and say God forbid something should happen to you then at least they will know.

    Even if you hate the person completely but their family just tell them you love them anyway you can choose your friends but not family.

    Don't be the one that's I wish I have told them this I wish I said that I wish I could hug them more I wish I went to see them more I wish I picked up the phone and call them more I wish I could email them video chat texted.

    Even if you don't love them really but their family just say I love you and some of you kids that will get into their head really really bad mess with their gray matter , get them to thinking okay what's up?

    And who knows it might actually help you with your family relationship or your friend's relationship.

    Even if you're being bullied at school look at your bully Square in the eyes and say you know what I love you. The normal response is what!? I love you. Just know I love you man or girl depending on whom it is. No matter how mean or cruel by get just look at them say just know I love you you are loved I want you to know that.

    Most of these bullies Are from a household where there's not much love, after a while they may just become your friend because you said I love you and you open the door for a possible friendship in the beginning of probably make fun of you for it I just keep telling them you love them and nine times out of ten the bullying will stop.

    And remember only takes a few moments out of your day to hold the door for somebody helping elderly person cross the street somebody shoot at a gas station or grocery store by a few cents $1.00 on the counter help them out and tell them to pay it forward things like this will help so much more than you can ever possibly realize unless you're in that position yourself I know what I'm talkin about.

    To everybody who has read the above thank you. I feel somewhat better.

    I love you all very much and may your days be blessed and bright for all of your days.

    J.... W....

    @Raymond White, Jr L?

    J.... W....

    @Raymond White, Jr I know people can be buttheads, but if it were them they'd want someone who listen to help them dill with the loss.

    J.... W....

    @Josh Womble L for the Loss? and also deal. And its very rare that you should go to the internet for moral support. they might have a facebook group that will help.

    J.... W....

    @Raymond White, Jr ok thanks

    J.... W....

    @Josh Womble you should of expected this tbh. You were commentating with the queer tattoo song and the first line was about a tattoo.

  41. a.... ....

    I think it's interesting his songs have matured but he hasn't. ^_^ I still sing his songs though. Live at el ray is emblazoned into my soul for originality, comedy, and his versatility of voice. He could sing, non-comedic songs and still impress us.

    a.... ....

    Live at El Ray was the soundtrack of my tour in Korea 10 years ago. My roommate and our friends listened to it while drinking several nights a week.

  42. B.... ....

    New album my old heart coming out soon. He just did the live album recording for it this past Saturday. He confirmed the studio album is complete as well.

  43. D.... P....

    Captions are a wee bit off. 41:18 reads “we made love to the dog...”

    D.... P....

    It's auto-generated...

    D.... P....

    Probably what he actually meant 😂🤣

  44. M.... L....

    Love watching Courtney's reactions, particularly in the song Lion. She does a great WTF reaction every time Steven sing something shocking.

  45. n.... ....

    I completely lost it at "Get off me, Cinnamon!"

  46. J.... U....

    This fucking guy dude...such a savage

  47. M.... G....

    time codes?

  48. A.... E....

    God I love the song Peanuts!

  49. B.... M....

    Would love to go see Lynch again. It's been 15 years. And Courtney Jaye- what a rack. Congrats!

    B.... M....

    That comment about Courtney was unnecessary. True but unnecessary

  50. C.... L....

    His Creed impression was hilarious!! Makes me laugh every time.😂😂

  51. C.... J....

    I WOULD PAY TO WATCH TYSON MONOLOGUE SHAKESPEARE

  52. J.... A....

    The original Bo Burnham.

    J.... A....

    Bo's Daddy

    J.... A....

    Not even, Tom Lehrer did this shit in the 50s.

    J.... A....

    Musical comedy is almost as old as music.

    J.... A....

    @Nick Piazza totally agree, given the opportunity people will always do stupid shit if given an audience.

    J.... A....

    @Lyndon Howlett like your comments on youtube ...

  53. t.... ....

    What's really fucked up is this kind of brilliant hilarious humor is under attack ..the leftwing is killing everything ..

    t.... ....

    ...said literally no one.

    t.... ....

    Brandon Dollar said literally everyone.



    FTFY.

  54. E.... L....

    Saw Stephen, Mark and Rod back in 2006 or 2007, got their autographs and they were hilarious. Rod looks so different now lol

    E.... L....

    I swear there are a lot of shots of him in this one where his face looks almost exactly like Jeff Daniels.

  55. L.... R....

    Courtney Jaye is a fucking goddess.

  56. �.... B....

    Damn! With that jacket you look like David Boreanaz's less attractive brother. But you would be 'the funny one' so it's fine.

  57. R.... G....

    Wow, Courtney is really beautiful.

  58. T.... T....

    My only minor complaint about this video is there's too much talking,other than that it's fantastic.

    T.... T....

    That's always been a part of his show

    T.... T....

    I usually love that, but there was way too much after Queer Tattoo imo.. Pretty hilarious tho :D

  59. J.... ....

    Her voice is like angels breathing in your ears.

  60. C.... T....

    Saw him on his recent UK tour and was absolutely hilarious! Will definitely keep an eye out for when he comes back.

  61. 0.... ....

    Still awesome and hilarious 😂😂😂

  62. N.... v....

    OMG I can't believe I forgot about Stephen Lynch! I loved this dude. He's so freaking talented! He should have million hits! Amazing talent!!

  63. T.... ....

    That Magic Johnson comment had me screaming 😂

  64. a.... ....

    It’s weird seeing him with so much more weight on yet still with such a high pitched singing voice

    a.... ....

    I saw him in Milwaukee 8 or 9 years ago. Sat 3rd row center and stood up and sung Special Ed along with him. He smiled at the end of the song and threw me his guitar pick. A night I will never forget 🤣

    a.... ....

    He’s not that much heavier. He’s just older.

  65. d.... r....

    Courtney had an amazing voice

    d.... r....

    Had .? Still have it. As far as I know

  66. S.... ....

    I still Listen to the 3 Stephen Lynch CDs to this day in rotation in my Truck. Good to see he is still entertaining others and looks happy.

  67. A.... A....

    oh shit, when was this released. havent listened to stephen for many years

    A.... A....

    @ aetrcsom A month after it was posted on Youtube? hmmmm.

    A.... A....

    He suc now

    A.... A....

    @Infidel 207 thats heresy

    A.... A....

    I one hundred and third that remark

    A.... A....

    Yeah dude!!!! Im stoked i found this

  68. r.... ....

    Stephen is so great. He takes a great sounding song and then totally throws you a curve ball with the most insane lyrics on the planet! Still one of the best shows i have ever seen.

  69. D.... ....

    Really hoping for some old classics, Craig works though

  70. K.... ....

    Thank you.

  71. D.... H....

    Fuckin love the "still see shit over there" and "yeaaaaaH"

  72. D.... ....

    The hobos name is Charlie king. Search for "my baby in the CIA" to see his other funny work.

    D.... ....

    the world's most talented hobo

  73. l.... ....

    Thanks for posting this!

  74. A.... ....

    Great quality!