Lynch, Stephen - Down At The Old Pub Instead Lyrics




Lad, it's your duty to find ye a lass
With child-bearing hips and a pink, supple ass
And make her your wife, and love her with love so true
Now some rivers run high, some rivers run low
When her river runs red and shes starting her flow
And it's called menstruation, and here's what it means to you

You will notice her bloomers are spotty at first
Stand back, her ovarian dam's gonna burst
Son, don't be afraid, it's a natural thing
Just wad up some cotton and hand her some string
Put the old linens on top of the bed
Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead

She'll retain her water, her breasts'll be tender
And every third word that you say will offend her
Get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead
And she'll want to make love, if you do you're a fool
'Cause you'll only end up with a bloody O'Toole
Get out of the house, down to the old pub instead

And she'll want you to sample the fruit of her loins
But son, it'll taste like some old rusty coins
So turn off the lights, boy, and take off your hat
And drop to your knees, say a prayer to Saint Pat
That he'll give you the strength to get out of bed
And for Ireland's sake, go down to the old pub instead

Now the pub is the place where the lads are a'meeting
When the moon's full and the gals are a'bleeding
The catholic, the protestants, even the pagan
The pub is the place when your lady is raggin'
So drink up your pint, boys, and thank your shamrocks
That as menfolk we don't have'ta bleed from our cocks
And that we can escape from the lady in red
And get out of the house and go down to the old pub instead





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Lynch, Stephen Down At The Old Pub Instead Comments
  1. EpochDeus

    I showed this to my wife, she didn't think it was funny.
    Maybe I shouldn't have day 1 of her cycle...

  2. Brett F.

    Idk why this song popped into my head after 4 years.

  3. Marty Mannering

    .

    Someone will get it eventually

  4. See Cha

    I miss THIS Stephen,

  5. Roland Deschain

    Lot of nasty people in these comments 😂

  6. Mister Relaxation ASMR

    Happy St. Paddy's Day everybody!

  7. Stormbringer_777

    Rusty coins! 😂 😳😳😳☘

  8. St. Rizla

    oh god the fake Irish accent is cringy

  9. Quinn Evans

    Played this in guitar class when everyone had to perform something. Everybody was dying of laughter.

  10. Michael Reichman

    2018 were y'all at💯🔥

  11. Heather Wiedemann

    Ok so my kids are now old enough to listen to this song......nothing like seeing a teen turn bright red......really both the teens in my house did. My daughter because she was embarrassed by it and my son cause he was laughing so hard.

  12. Juh Jg

    Why almost every comment has an anime profile

  13. Michael Monaghan

    Well huh you girls have it rough lol

  14. Finnian Mannix

    I hate this, this is defiantly not an old Irish song

  15. Harakiri Hakebeil

    I wonder if this topic will be relevant in some form for the new female Doctor.

  16. The Satanic Gamer From Hell

    Fuck redical femis em' i right ?

  17. Shawna Delancey

    Yes they are very funny

  18. Amazing Me

    I'm on ma period rite now... fuck

  19. dreyvinnash

    I once played this on the way to a field trip. while we were driving, two girls kicked the shit out of me. it was worth it. oh so worth it.

    Puddin Tayn

    dreyvinnash there's a good lad!

    MrSupercar55

    Kick those feminists back for not having a sense of humour. That’s what I’d do. They’re probably carpet munchers anyway.

    Kevin Timm

    Job well done

  20. Un5 Gettable

    This is epic. If you're looking for some more funny comedy, we'd love if you would stop over to our channel and check out our song 'Sorry'.

  21. William Morgan

    I sung this and im coverd in period {sang infront of a bunch of girls} I mean blodd

    ryan24287

    DA GRUBKILLA
    He warned you not to sample the fruit of her loins

  22. Draco Borne

    I really like his voice.

  23. Exarch-of-Sechrima

    Menstruation jokes aren't funny, period.

    Joseph Butcher

    Maybe your raggin bitch

    Forged Steel Wrench

    🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴.......no, they aren't funny, they are bloody and smelly as f***.😶

    KnotForSail

    stfu and get out

    Devon Trouten

    *rimshot

    Conor Phelan

    Absolute mad lad

  24. Theresa & Jason

    I seen some people say "periods hurt? Try getting kicked in the balls!" Well sweetcheeks, try having that feeling for 3-6 days (Ik some are longer) NONSTOP, EVERY FREAKING MONTH from the time you're about 13 til you're about 55. Again I know some start sooner/later and end sooner/later than that. So until you boys can deal with that for most of your lives and still have to look good and not the complete crap you feel, jus shut it

    Fappington

    Women have to deal with periods for long period of time. Men have to have the weak spot for ever. My point is periods happen more often than a metal pole to the balls.( I had a metal pole to the balls). So it balances out. Women feel pain for whatever many years and guys keep the weak spot forever.

    Hayden Forman

    Some birth control stop menstration...

    Seven Proxies

    Have you ever gotten kicked in the balls to make a fair comparison?

    Now menstruation probably hurts. But I doubt it's as incapacitating as physical injury.

    motodog242

    Except you don't know what it feels like to be kicked in the balls. Imagine being whacked 9-10 times with an iron golfing club and praying that the pain will stop, but it doesn't until roughly a week later. A hard tap on the testicles can incapacitate a man for a few minutes, a hard kick (meaning an actual assault with conviction) will do it for much, much longer.

    But what do I know? I actually have testicles, and I've never saw my sister or mother fall on the floor from a menstruation cycle, "sweetcheeks." Fucking dumbass, lol.

    Jack Holloway

    Sounds like Theresa's on her period...

  25. NEON SQUID

    They need to play this in sex education class

    John Smith

    In my school they did a edited version

    Normal Account

    My teacher just played this

    chimookoman

    How appropriate that I could be the 69th like. Very true song

  26. TomboyJessie13

    something tells me that this is an Irish song about the protagonist's wife going through their periods

    Hr1s7i

    Oh? Whatever tipped you off?

    Alexander Ip

    every third word would offend her

  27. Matoko Onodera

    I'm fem but this is still funny as shit XD

    PheonixYT

    Uggghhhhh

    PheonixYT

    Uggghhhhh really......

  28. TheLaserlord

    that feely feel when a song makes you feel some sort of feel you have never felt before....its sort of a mix between happy and another thing

  29. Sophi Roberts

    my brother and i sing this on the way to school in the morning😀 Our mom bout died of laughter. 😆😅.

    Gem Diamondgirl76

    @The Commissar ew

    The FBI Surveillance Team

    @Gem Diamondgirl76 "ew" what? You've piqued my interest.

    Finnian Mannix

    He’s a plastic paddy this isn’t an old Irish song because
    #1 he uses the word menstration
    #2 he says saint patty, it’s saint paDDy
    #3 an old Irish song would be... IN IRISH

    William Chandler

    @Finnian Mannix #1 it's a joke song
    #2 you take shit to literal
    #3 piss off

    Carter Bushman

    Shingo Shoji fuck😂😂

  30. Laloriaran Dynar

    Weapons are not fine wines. They do not get better with age. The colored dot on the lower right-hand corner of the screen shows you what kind of condition your current weapon is in. Green is good, red is bad

    ryan24287

    Laloriaran Dynar
    Are you sure you were on the right video?

    The FBI Surveillance Team

    I don't think girls want to see green down there....

  31. Reply

    Happy Saint Patrick's day everybody!

  32. blondwiththewind

    Well.  THAT'S not one of the songs my Irish-American grandmother ever sang to me.

  33. paperbag head

    One way to get guys down to the ol pub-


    True story

  34. Neon Dagger

    15 people has periods

    wafa m.

    Make that 16 (me) but this is hilarious

    Cheyenne Barker

    Neon Dagger nah its 50

  35. Dipsy Twirl

    When I'm on my cycle people need to stay away from me. Because I will throw them to a wall watch them bleed to death and scream "HOW DO YOU LIKE BLEEDING?!?" I love this song, just go to the pub, avoid death....

  36. Random Meta

    hahahahaha.. omg...

  37. Ger Unkwon

    sorry, but i had to

    Narek Hardnock

    @Ger Unkwon your profile pic looks epic.

  38. Wolflore Schrödinger

    Showed this to my girlfriend... Huge Success... 

    Your Face

    @Wolflore Schrödinger Showed mine, she laughed. =)

    Gem Diamondgirl76

    not funny

    Gem Diamondgirl76

    +Triston Charge so not funny

  39. richard whitty

    Whos Patty? you're all saying it wrong... Its Paddy

    John Greer

    @***** you mean christopher eccleston.

    John Greer

    it's fine. not many people like to go beyond face value of many things.

    zaptose blade

    @***** i took a closer look its eminem

    Demented

    @MrBikerJesus I Didnt mean it towards the holiday, i ment when americans say paddy, they pronounce it patty

    Kane Mandrill

    You're clearly not Irish XD

  40. flaretheunknown

    my girlfriend hates it when I blast this song during out arguments when she is on her period XD 

    PheonixYT

    You have no idea how hard I just laughed xD

    Gem Diamondgirl76

    +PheonixArmy so not funny

    vidgamenate

    "And every third word will offend er"

    Zeke The Cheshire

    flaretheunknown you are a genius my friend

  41. shawn olobri

    979 dads watched this and said YOU SIR ARE A FUCKING GENIUS.

  42. shawn olobri

    8 lady's listened to this song.

    Rebekah Rawlings

    I like this song and I'm female :P It's become a code with my friend now xD I just tell him to go to the pub and he gets it without awkward explanations to my mushy emotional state xD

    Your Face

    @Rebekah Rawlings Does he go to the pub? Or does he sample the fruit of your loins. Hahaha, had to.

    shawn olobri

    Haha clever I see what you did there.

    Rebekah Rawlings

    Haha, nah its just a code word, he does neither xD Plus who wants the taste of some old rusty coins xD

  43. crytzopath

    Best song ever

  44. cool king13

    you mean 6 ha! now i updated you!

  45. cool king13

    i was locked up in the room with her so i had too

  46. Vasa Loloa

    Oh. my god. I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!

  47. colossusx7

    Oh man.

  48. colossusx7

    5 people. You have been updated, hey I liked it lol.

  49. DAngelo Jenkins

    im sure were all here cuz of that

  50. 【°Drowxxi°】

    ill never be able to enjoy a cup of kool aid again (T^T)

    Princess BLARITY

    and dont forget strawberry jam! :3

  51. The Wise Wolf

    How the fuck did r/lolicons get me here wtf?

  52. Sune Sorento

    "HELL YEAH!"

  53. arision1

    i was laughing so hard when i herd this song that i couldnt breathe

  54. shoddyworkshop

    u sonofabitch

  55. Mei Kitsugi

    /watch?v=nyn0DQ_VWhA
    Thank me later

  56. KING ARTHUR CHUCK

    RHEGROTE AGAIN LIKE FUCKIN CRAIG SAYING ONCE MORE WHEN THE LOVELY LASSIE'S ON THE BLOODY CUNT RAG I'LL BE FUCKIN CRAIG TRYING TO GET MY BIG LOW MIDDLE MEAT FINGER BUTTERED WITH A CLEAN GIRL AT THE OLD PUB INSTEAD FUCKIN CRAIG CHRIST. THANKYOU STEVE SIN LYNCH.

  57. Hunter

    I have no words for this song.

  58. KING ARTHUR CHUCK

    HEY THIS FUCKER MUST CARRY A SHIT PACKED BROWNIE TURD IN HIS PANTS LIKE I DO ! HE'S FUCKING KOOL. AND WHEN THE LOVELY IS ON THE CUNT RAG, WELL I'LL BE DOWN AT THE PUB TRYING TO FUCK ME A FEW LASSIES THAT'S NOT ON THE BLOODY CUNT RAG. SINCERELY: KING ARTHUR CHUCK. [email protected]

  59. Eric

    I agree with my 5 year old self again, girls are icky :P

  60. bob thebuilder

    Only the good ones.

  61. Abyss Sai Juniper

    This man is wise.

  62. Keigha Henderson

    I'm here because I told my boyfriend I needed womanly products

  63. Stabism damnit

    WHAT ARE YOU SAYING

  64. kay b

    do people have no shame

  65. L abdo

    this is greatest and most passionate song i have ever heard

  66. Cheeky Nando

    Glad i'm not the only one who decided to look this up after the anime video. ._.

    Alexander Ip

    Was it the one from Umineko where Ange Ushiromiya is bleeding (I tried to find the video myself but I reckon it was taken down)

  67. LogicalJosh

    thx alot

  68. lululolabu

    I have my period right now and I still liked it :P

  69. Ernest Knapp

    Umineko no Naku Koro ni

  70. Negative Mental Attitude

    haha.. Same!! so you guys searched for it cause of that vid aswell?

  71. LogicalJosh

    whats the anime name please

  72. xKamehameha

    next time aunt flo is about to visit, and i'm PMSing, I shall say "stand back - my ovarian dam's gonna burst!"

  73. joe fouker

    now I get it

  74. joe fouker

    what joke???

  75. AnarchyManifest

    sorry ... but i had to .

  76. southparkdudez

    two more days.

  77. ryan holyland

    same which one

  78. LoudB94

    Oh, thanks. I'm sure no one could understand that joke since the fourth person disliked it.

  79. colossusx7

    4 people

  80. donniedecorous

    Four people have boxes that taste like rusty coins!

  81. Valentin Chalakov

    looked this up cuz of anime

  82. roboturf

    Sorry. But I had to.

  83. blackotaku5

    I'm sorry, but I had to......Find out who sings this song.

  84. bigmarty11288

    get them some cranberry juice

  85. Kenneth Taylor

    Hey I'm a musician from Montana who does rock and comedy, and also does stand up. I'd love for yalls to come check out some of my stuff /watch?v=dgYvX0GyMRo

  86. Alex Raileanu

    Ofcourse, you and your imaginary friends. :)) Sad little fail troooooll !

  87. CrazyZebraTigers

    I think he/she's trolling

  88. SkellART

    I lost it at "Rusty Coins" XD

  89. That Ginger One

    You do actually know what algebra is right?

  90. XPrinceOfDeadDreamsX

    Are you like 10 years old?? Your grammar sucks ass and you can't even make good comebacks. Just stop before you embarrass yourself any further.

  91. EvieWingweaver13

    I have got to stop clicking on every link my sister sends me... -.-

  92. fairymairah

    it was called sorry but i had to ^_^ ! ! ! ! !

  93. ProbberPro Jack

    and thats what you say haha dont make me laugh, i know you got nothing better to do in your life cus you reply so since you wont admit it, its fine to be like you, we all know what you are.