Lynch, Stephen - Bowling Song Lyrics

You watch me on your TV.
Say that my job is easy.
Say I am not athletic.
You think my sport's pathetic.

But you can't judge me 'till you walked a mile in my bowling shoes.

So I don't get all the ladies.
And my clothes are from the 80's
I am known throughout the valleys.
As the prophet of alleys.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling god.
The smell of rising gets my high.
Kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling... the bowling... god.

Got a ball that's smooth and all black.
I keep it in my lucky ball-sac.
I get a feeling in my soul.
As I finger every hole.

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling god.
The smell of rising gets my high.
Kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling... the bowling...

Not a single men will try, to beat almighty Malakai.
All that challenge me are slain.
Come on, fuckers pick a lane.
Marshall Home and Gary Dickens, get in line for your ass kickins'.
John Patracky and Norton Duke, your so lame it makes me puke.
Oh I'm on the pro-bowl sector.
There's to Don his wrist protector.
Not that pussy Nelson Burton, tells me that his wrist is hurtin'.
Hey Mark Walfey, Earl the Pearl, are ya' scared to give the ball a hurl?
How bout' Nickey Webber and his son Pete? I'll turn the motha fuckas to cream of wheat!

And as I roll the ball I cry, "Let me bowl or let me die!"
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling god.
The smell of rising gets my high.
Kiss those fuckin' pins goodbye!
I am mighty Malakai, the bowling... bowlin... ohhhhh!
The bowling god!!

Other Lyrics by Artist

Rand Lyrics

Lynch, Stephen Bowling Song Comments
  1. szalkerous

    The problem with this song is two things:

    1: Like others said, the faster tempo works far better than the original.
    2: It's actually got a bad-ass hook and chorus... not so much funny as it is just awesome to shout along to and rock out.

    Wish there was a good live video track for this somewhere...


    P.S. RIP O&A Show. Miss that shit every day.

  2. nm499x

    "You fuckin asked for it"

  3. David Segovia Sedano

    Tenacious D 2

  4. Johnwawet D

    I actually love this song

  5. eeyoreofborg

    It's like Alice in Chains, only ...not.

  6. Raymond Santiago

    Love it.

  7. TheNewWorldGod

    Lit that guitar up lol

  8. Malachy O'Neill

    its kinda weird listening to this since my name is malachy lol

  9. Charles Edwards

    Hey Niko. Its your Cousin.

    Little J

    Oh god not Roman 😞🔫

  10. rsextreme477

    hahaha, I work at a bowling ally, I'm going to play this over the speakers at night....

    Just Meandthecats

    Well, did you do it yet? Now _that_ is some shit I wanna see on youtube!


    How'd it go?

  11. JonFun101

    Freakin' love it!

  12. Wade k 21

    You fucking bowling song!!

  13. Mike Querty

    fuckin metal!

  14. Grisselbrand The Great

    love this damn song so much.

  15. Jmopinion

    Love it..!

  16. Joarthus

    Opie and Anthony are cunts.

  17. zach ousley

    if he has a favorite ball sack does that mean he has multiple sacks

    Abandonment Issues

    +zach ousley Well, he only has one ball so..

    zach ousley

    does that mean he can choose between two sacks, irl he has 2 but he thought it would be a fun song


    +zach ousley

    It's a double entendre. You don't have to have multiple of something to think of an individual object as your favorite.

    Boo Taper

    As we know from his other work, he only has one nut so.....

  18. Kristian Pardy

    As a bowler I find this great

    FloGrown Boy99

    Kristian Pardy same

  19. jordan martin

    Besides comedy what genre of music is this

    nikola milinovic

    +Haris Djuzic I'd say so t oo.

    Alex Noneofyourbeeswax

    +jordan martin Acoustic Rock, I guess

  20. Keith Yo

    O &A are two no talent radio hacks. Not because they didn't like your song because I don't think it's very good either..... they just are.

  21. TheKhopesh

    Song begins at:

  22. Vam The Anomaly

    "Almighty Malachi , Professional Bowling God" is gonna be my new name when I go bowling now. I think I can fit "Almighty Malachi" on the name screen :P.


    YES! Thank you, I'll remember that!

  23. Jennifer ToolFan462

    It sounds like Ed Kowalczyk from Live

  24. Q Higuera

    Its not that bad of a song


    The original's still on youtube. It's... pretty bad slow.

  25. No Whiskey Rose

    Well, it's a bit boring but I can't see why it should be hated on. 

  26. Alex Freeman

    Im almighty malachi

  27. GuitarGod Joe

    I absolutely fucking love this song! It's definitely one of Stephen's best IMO.

    Anthony Castelli

    I agree

  28. Solitus

    The issue was probably the fact that he played it slower the first time.  It is much better sounding at a fast speed like this.


    My thoughts exactly


    Indeed this version is way better

    JH Sounds

    The actual problem is that the lyrical content wasn’t funny. O&A even admitted that the song works melodically, but Lynch’s whole thing is that he makes *comedy* songs.


    I think it's more conceptually funny than lyrically funny. Just a guy so confident and arrogant and full of himself but his thing is bowling nothing socially epic or revered like a major sports athlete. It's funny a guy like that calling himself almighty malachi.

  29. Vox Populi

    Though I'm not the type of fan to Google every single thing he has done to make sure my trivia knowledge is up to snuff, I do consider myself a Lynch fan. I have never heard this song until now, somehow. I need to find the lyrics to it, because I have no fucking idea what the hell is going on in this song. I also would like to know why he hates the song so much.


    Isn't it on his first album?

  30. pheadrus1999

    soo learning this on guitar.

  31. Thomas Hansen

    Over the line! Doesn't anybody care about the Goddamn rules anymore!? Mark it zero!

    Johnny Appleseed

    Thomas Hansen your about to enter a world of pain!

  32. ElSelcho

    I always shout it out when I am live at his performances (next Monday will be the third time, cologne November 4th)

  33. potterfan87

    He sped up the song in this version and its awesome this way, but the original slow version is horrible.

  34. TheSilas117

    No you wont

  35. Sophie Powell

    That is funny

  36. Carpe Vinum

    Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

  37. Zaitheroo

    Fóund it!

  38. tubby6t9

    I actually like this song.

  39. 12qwzz

    There's is a good big lebowski comment here and I'm gonna find it

  40. Joarthus

    It's so fucking funny that he hates this song, because musically it's probably his best. XD

  41. Devyn Dixon

    This song is hilarious!!!!!

  42. Devyn Dixon

    I love this song!!! It's hilarious!!!!!

  43. LaBarata12


  44. Choji Akamichi

    This song is possum grade awesome

  45. Haya L

    lol, i didn't, but i found the song i was looking for, it was rihanna We found love! thanks to all...

  46. AzureRift

    Im killin myself! XD

  47. ragtagspade

    ...keep it in my favorite ball sack...

  48. Vincent Montgomery

    Your so lame that it makes me puke


    i dont know what the fuck youre talking abou......

  50. sleepmix

    haha i love the top comment here. The title is bowling song.. I think everyone knows.

  51. Travis Webb

    C'mon, fuckers, pick a lane!

  52. mclem51

    Idk, I love this faster version....

  53. Geist1337

    Malachi smiled upon you child.

  54. Nick

    its not a matter of bowling taking no skill its the fact that its thought of as a childrens birthday gift or an old persons hobby.

  55. ImperatorAvgvstvs

    It's true that a lot of people think bowling is lame, but try bowling with someone who can bowl 250+ and we'll see who's lame.

  56. GnarlyBellyButton

    i have hacked my comment so much, you cannot like or dislike it. just try it, it's honestly impossible. DO NOT LIKE MY COMMENT IF IT WORKS BECAUSE THEN ILL LOOK LIKE A CHEATER AND A LIAR




  57. Yorarashi

    Yes But if the click the video called the BOWLING SONG i think they might already know its about bowling

  58. Yorarashi

    What spoilers stupid

  59. Yorarashi

    As i roll the ball i cry
    let me bowl or let me die
    I Am almighty Malachi

  60. TelvanniGuard

    The slow version is rather horrible. I suggest listening to it so you can see what they first heard.

  61. biggerb93

    wow not to be an ass but umm we didnt need to know that sorry you can be mad at me now

  62. molgore0

    I was # 10
    suck it bitch get to singing

  63. Niels Rasmussen

    got a ball that's smoth and all that and all that, i keep it in my favorit ball sack, i get the felling in my soul, as i finger every hole. So pervert

  64. Permalight

    Opie and Anthony didn't like this song? Fuck those guys.

  65. hertajoid

    i will sing this song every time i bowl if i get 10 likes on this

  66. JustAnotherYorkshireman

    This. Song. Is. Awesome.

  67. konsumeger

    bowling is not a fucking sport,

  68. Daniel McCullough

    @MsJamila99 You totally wanted this song, don't deny it!

  69. Haya L

    hey people,
    i didnt want this song, can u help me, its a song i heard in bowling 2 times and also i heard it in one of my classmates ipad, i dont know the name of that song is, but its something in a lady's voice, something like this: all the way, and its so good, its so nice and all the strikes.
    i dont exactly know the lyrics and all what i typed was wrong but what else can i do to tell u, just try to do ur best to know this song and if u get to know it then pls tell me.

  70. Robert Hall

    listened to this song since it was available on youtube. gotta say... this song will play at my wedding and funeral

  71. dorchesterbowler

    I'm a competitive bowler and love this song.

  72. hippiehatr

    I love the bowling song, and I know its not the funniest or the most clever, but for some reason it one of my favorites.

  73. sosimplyashley

    I play this every time I head to the bowling alley!!

  74. Flangebob

    1:19 Starts Song!!!

  75. Stephen Dwyer

    1:23 Starts song

  76. malignor

    This song doesn't make me LOL, but it's still awesome.

  77. Liam Howarth

    I don't know why he thinks this sucks, I would say it's his BEST song!

  78. TingTerror123

    @ironsped18 your a genius!!!! i luv tht!!!!

  79. hertajoid

    you watch me on your tv say that my job is easy say that i am not athletic you think my sports pathetic but you cant judge me until youve walked a mile in my bowling shoes so i dont get all the ladies got a mullet from the eighties im known throughout the valleys as the prophet if the alleys chorus (and as i roll the ball i cry let me bowl or let me die im almighty malachi the bowling god the smell of resin gets me high kiss those fucking pins goodbye im allmighty malachi the the bowling god )

  80. JustAnotherYorkshireman

    I get a feeling in my soul when I finger every hole too!

  81. Daniel A.S

    8 people must be deaf ... they were like awww no sound! *dislike*

  82. Daphnegirl93

    Should be on the Big Lebowski sdtk ;D

  83. BrawlX


  84. Daxana

    Im a not a jukebox :D

  85. jwaynecon0008

    Come on Fuckers, pick a lane! Best Bowling Taunt. EVER!

  86. Detective Bonghits

    Love this song

  87. Himura

    This is definitely my favorite song of his. It doesn't have all those dumb extreme jokes about sex or gay people or whatever, its a high powered song about a very subtle subject which is why its awesome

  88. Reneg53

    How could they make fun of this song???? its the most awesome song he has! Come on fuckers pick a lane!

  89. LightOfKaos

    that guy is killing himself...........

  90. Orithyia

    That was....awesome. o.o

  91. KrazyMateo

    I put this on my Cellphone and played it while I was bowling, I did great!

  92. Terry Campbell

    @asdfg1234567891012 ohhhhhhhhhhhh, i say DELETE....LOL

  93. Marco Moretti

    Its going on my bowling playlist! My two favorite things together: bowling+comedy = epicness!

  94. mickbowler

    @LScottATremblay agreed

  95. TelvanniGuard


    Try looking for a version that isn't the CD version. It sounds horrible. I don't know why. It's probably because he played this one sped up.

    Wait.. I said this before.

  96. Ironsped18

    The dislike bar on this song is like Justin Bieber's penis; It's tiny, and only grows when assholes touch it

  97. Dan Bock

    awesome song...listened to it before i rolled my 300...i give this song credit

  98. Gameorama91

    I listened to the radio performance he talked about. THere were some laughing lol. Though I do like how he plays it faster in this version, it's better at this speed.

  99. Cody Begley

    No, it was the person who asked for the bowling song at the start