Dan Bull - Crystal Maidens Lyrics






I made a monster

Look, imagine a YouTuber promoting a porn game
Okay, I guess, as long he doesn't do more of the same
He got away with it once, but twice'd be whoring for fame
Oh, how the mighty have fallen for shame
It finally seems Dan Bull's befallen his fate
If you're confused, let me tell you the story to date
I was a rapper with a stack of subscribers
Who were notified every time a track was online
But something happened overnight, we got mass demonetised
And the site was hiding many raps that I'd provided
Naturally, I was like: "what the hell was this shit?"
And found out it was algorithmic
It wasn't just me that had failed to get hits
A load of other people were well restricted
It seems YouTube wants to sell to kid-friendly brands
Using Ellen, Jimmy Fallon and Will Smith
Should have predicted it, but I'm a bit thick
So now I've gotta take a risk to get hits
And if you clicked this, it must have worked
You were once a sub, now you're a customer
So I'm not apologizing for the way I monetise
Anyhow, even if it's sexualized
These are decedant times that call for decadant measures
So I advertised a game aimed at sexual pleasure

I made a monster
An unholy creation
I made a monster
Just to pay for my vacation
A raging monster
Far too outrageous to mention
I raised this monster
Now it's aching hard for vengeance

They gave me a sacred sword
And I used it to slay, good Lord
It was made to measure, I slayed some orcs
Then I slayed some flesh, I made some cheddar
Hung it on the wall, put away forever
Then the phone called, don't take it (hello?)
It was them again
It was Nutaku
I tried resisting their charms, it was hard to
They required me to take up the sword
I was like: "no way, I was mistaken before"
Said "I don't care how much they could afford
That great big pink thing's staying on my wall"
They said: "fine, we'll call our new friend, he um
He's called The Stupendium"
I flinched so quick, I tore my frendulum
I said "he can't have it, I already envy him"
Give it to anyone, but don't give it to that prick
I'll do the deal, curse your shifty tactics
And that was it, I gave in
Time for misbehaving and saving the Crystal Maidens

Obey the master
Give in to our temptation
Obey the master
Venture from your mother's basement
Obey the master
Until you master patience
Obey the master
Whose full name is Master Bation

Shipwrecked on a mythical island
The agitator was an evil wizard called Pai
Really miserable type, bloody typical gaiden
Felt of bit of pity for the little poor guy
'Til I felt a bit of titty when I met a cool gal
Who was pretty, she consented, it was ethical, pal
If you're messing with the maidens, you're getting called out
They'll dictate your fate and with nothing ruled out
So this wizard Pai who was plaguing the maidens
Came up and made such a clichéd statement
Said if I wanted to save the day
Well then, I needed to fight the demon-o'-tization

They made a monster
An unholy creation
Beware this monster
It will truly try your patience
A raging monster
Ruining entire nations
What is this monster?
The demon-o'-tization

I needed to fight the demon-o'-tization
Before it took away all of my savings
Luckily, my sword was ripe for penetration
So I stuck the blade right up his reputation
No lubrication, toppled right to the ground
Suppose you could say it was a copyright takedown
The maidens were safe, but no time fore celebration
There's another enemy requiring preperation
Suddenly, I had another strange visitation
From the sage saying it was imperative I set up
A base straight away and start training creators
To take on the greatest of dangers we've faced yet
A gartantuan, robotic abomination
The monster with 13 arses

They made a monster
So wrong, it could not be right
They made a monster
With 13 bottoms, why?
They made a monster
One we've all got to fight
They named this monster
Robocopyright





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Dan Bull Crystal Maidens Comments
  1. S.... ....

    I know this is like half a year old but like, can we get an instrumental perhaps? This is an absolute BOP and I'm really interested in hearing the instrumental, n how much the lyrics add musically, and maybe some things you don't normally notice when paying attention to lyrics. I can't be the only one

  2. D.... B....

    screenshot 4 minutes in exactly. enjoy new worlds best desktop wallpaper.

  3. N.... ....

    Now Ironiclly with COPPA this is more acceptable content. I think.

  4. A.... S....

    Quick question anyone else get force unsubed for Dan?

  5. B.... D....

    Song is high key fire, why isnt it on spotify dan, im getting very unhappy with you. I may have to make a diss track

  6. L.... B....

    Crystal maidens is meh it’s not bad nor is it great

  7. T.... I....

    Wait YouTube has a sacred sword!?

  8. D.... M....

    Ok, I have to admit this is the funniest rap you've done! Brought a genuine grade A smile to my face.

  9. G.... A....

    Very ridiculous,very nice

  10. D.... B....

    this track fecking banged. I loved demon o tization, totally got the message and for no apparent reason I now want to play crystal maidens. gg.

  11. N.... ....

    yep...article 13 is not the death of all media or speech WE heard it all idiots that wants to point it out BUT!......how doess cencur , coruption despotism start ? not to mention..how many fuckers got a papper news papper premuation these days ? hmm how many can AFFORD it ? and how many of the free 'news sites' ...is bias free ? just need a quick glance at any of the super nations or mega corps to see how thick the grime is under most such claims so... small INDEPENDENT chanels you can reach on the net geeting ther fair cut of the add's THER material makes proffible on the platform they are on is in many ways the progenitors of the future fredom of information so them ,being crippled becouse one puritan wants to make the intire web into the 70's atari computer controlled by fossils and ruled under a Iron thumb rather then 'risking' people to be exposed to things that might make them...question....leaders...institutions...organisations ? there is only ONE goverment form that promotes that sort of logic ,and 99% of humanty suffers if its under such goverments.

  12. A.... M....

    i was never a subscriber... i just liked like your minecraft videos... maybe you should think about a career in politics

  13. R.... G....

    I though it was a video of fithyfrank but no, it was a rap of dan bull

  14. J.... ....

    Youtube: OK guys time to to be family friendly

    Dan Bull: We don't do that here

  15. Z.... _....

    This is some Eminem level lyricism here

  16. M.... ....

    Is the sword the dildo bat from saints row?

  17. �.... B....

    It’s actually fire

  18. E.... R....

    Ah yes, the N U T T Y W E B

  19. R.... ....

    That fuckin’ hook though...

  20. H.... ....

    Rip fan reputation

  21. E.... ....

    I'm legit upset that the track is catchy but it's about a porn game, but that is a parallel to the situation isn't it?

  22. x.... ....

    3:41 until the end is without a doubt the best part.

  23. Y.... ....

    Oh no Dan

  24. D.... ....

    Was an OG player. Glad he picked up the unholy sword.

  25. s.... ....

    You should promote more porn games.

  26. N.... ....

    Who doesn't like a good wank to a sexy sprite?

  27. T.... ....

    It's art

  28. C.... C....

    HAIL MASTER BASTION!!!

  29. C.... ....

    Only Dan bull could turn an advert fo4 a porn game into a rap about youtubes unethical copyright anr demonitizatiin system

  30. A.... B....

    If every ad was this entertaining I would buy way more crap.

  31. B.... p....

    what happend to you?

  32. w.... w....

    Save the Maidens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  33. F.... &....

    This shit slaps like Charlie Sheen.

  34. J.... V....

    Dan and nutaku that's interesting.

  35. U.... S....

    The fact that this was still payed for makes me smile. A lot.

  36. N.... ....

    3:48 Seriously, who is this dude?

  37. M.... W....

    Nutaku *Takes. All.*

  38. R.... ....

    what a perfect prologue to your robocopyright song. Fucking genius dude. I love it

  39. a.... l....

    Monster with 13 arses?
    Considering the scientist cosplay, I assume this is a South Park reference

  40. B.... S....

    Yo this shit hot

  41. M.... ....

    i don't know if i'm the only one who saw this, but i read the dates on the social media texts in the video, and they all say April 1st, but this video came out March 21st. is Dan bull a time traveler, LOL.

  42. K.... ....

    Random predictions for next Nutaku Song:


    01) Crush Crush
    02) Fap Ceo
    03) Booty Calls

  43. S.... ....

    This is honestly the best advert I've ever had the pleasure of seeing

  44. A.... Z....

    GREY KNIGHTS OPEN UP!!!!!!!!!!!

  45. S.... A....

    Holy shit. Dude you advertise and advise at the same time.

  46. J.... S....

    1:56. Dan Bull is the next Ye, confirmed.

  47. F.... V....

    US Goverment: Spends millions of dollars trying to perfect mind control techniques.


    Dan: 1:55

  48. R.... ....

    You havent fallen. You've risen to a level far surpassing that of gods.

  49. c.... d....

    WTF It took a month for me to get this on my feed??????

  50. B.... R....

    Dan, whenever you do another one of these in like 8 months or whatever you should ask Nutaku if one of their voice actors would say 'douglby' for the videos outro, and you could pass it off like nothing is wrong because over the years you've been making videos you've changed its voice actor a few times, I remember a while back (feels like years now) it was pronounced 'Doug L be'.

  51. M.... ....

    *_great big pink thing_*

  52. g.... ....

    How is this still monetized lol

  53. D.... A....

    All hail dan our champion for internet justice!

  54. S.... ....

    Please, for the love of all that is holy, make a video about Subverse! It's the latest, greatest, most hyped game. The only adult game which managed to get OVER 2 MILLION dollars from crowdfunding. (Currently $2 173 944.) It's making history, not only gaming history, but straight-up general history.

  55. A.... P....

    You are a legend

  56. L.... ....

    More Stupendium collabs plz. You two have so much potential together.

  57. 3.... P....

    The sequel we didnt know we needed

  58. G.... P....

    Are you going to a song about Booty Farms next? I’m actually curious and find these hilarious

  59. �.... �....

    Why is this song without the music and only the rap in spotify?

  60. L.... T....

    This was bloody hilarious

  61. M.... ....

    dan i'm waiting for it and now you probably will be. they called you up once, they called you up twice they are bound to call you up a 3rd time and you know as well as i do it will not be the last.

  62. h.... ....

    I just listened this and WOW... Last year, the Wolfenstein song and the Minecraft song were the most listened songs for me (wolfenstein was my winner last year), but this year, the other artist need to do something, this can win this year for me. Two in a row for my "best song of the year" Dan? :D ERB and others, it will be hell of a fight by Dan :DDD

  63. N.... M....

    ok Dan, i'll head to this site because they supported you, and only because of that... and research....

  64. G.... c....

    fucking amazing

  65. B.... P....

    Eroge raps? I fucks with that.

  66. M.... 4....

    The logo at the end killed me xD

  67. G.... ....

    Of course it had to be Nutaku

  68. W.... M....

    🤣🤣🤣 do it Dan! Gamer rap slut God

  69. N.... ....

    Welp time for incognito mode.

  70. L.... ....

    He Has A Scene From This In Robo Copyright! Continuing The Story, When Are You Going To Advertise Something Like Seven Angels?

  71. S.... D....

    robot needs 13 asses to shit on everything

  72. L.... W....

    This is rad!

  73. S.... H....

    This is some Irony!

  74. U.... S....

    I really love it man! Dope!

  75. W.... ....

    the fact that they hired you twice... i just... *sigh*

  76. A.... G....

    *Modern Problems ®equire Modern $olution*

  77. G.... F....

    Its been a minute since the last gaming song, I bet the next one's gonna be great.

  78. e.... ....

    Holy fuck this is seriously one of your best yet. I love how all the hooks are different yet feel not out of place.
    The beat is just great.

    Nice work man, you have outdone yourself yet again.

  79. a.... ....

    Dan... you forgot to censor your "sword" when the monster with 13 arses overshadowed you.

  80. R.... ....

    The market is filling the gaps that YouTube has created in its own smile

  81. G.... ....

    The sad thing is this probably gets the game more publicity then a normal dan bull rap

  82. O.... B....

    this is so good

  83. Y.... ....

    ^-^ fighting youtube is starting. your the 3rd big youtuber to do this type of stuff.

  84. r.... m....

    Hey dan Bull you should do a rap of guacamelee and it would be Even more awesome if you do it with mariachi entreteinment system

  85. e.... ....

    the plot thickens.

  86. c.... ....

    Please just make yo money honey. Soar high you beautiful person. We will ALWAYS be here for you.

  87. C.... T....

    This is why i pride being a subscriber here.

  88. T.... J....

    weird flex but alright

  89. V.... ....

    Дэн так ничему и не научился 👀

  90. R.... R....

    Why is it that you sound great no matter what you're rapping about.
    Hell man I live in a gang city and I'm driving through getting odd looks for blasting your version of rap god rather than Eminem's 😂

  91. D.... V....

    Obligatory comment.

  92. Z.... ....

    I got an ad for this ad...

  93. �.... �....

    Dan Bull is slowly slipping into madness

  94. O.... T....

    What s the name of the beat?

  95. C.... H....

    Dan bull make a patron please

  96. v.... s....

    is it bad that i have played this game?

  97. D.... B....

    I was asked to promote another of Nutaku's hentai games, and I said I'd only do it if I could make it into a classic allegorical ancient Greek epic about net neutrality, demonetization and Article 13. Amazingly, Nutaku agreed. ENJOY! Play Crystal Maidens here: https://www.nutku.com/crystal-maiden/

    D.... B....

    im gonna be 100% honest if this is the quality your gonna do for porn ads i want more of them

    D.... B....

    I cant fucking WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    D.... B....

    Dan bull the type of guy to roast people that pay him to advertise their game

    D.... B....

    This game is a sin.

    D.... B....

    Thanks I guess?