Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast - Love Kernels Lyrics






[Rebecca:]
How do I know he loves me? It's the little things
Little compliments here and there that I secretly stockpile in my woman-brain. I can live for days off a single

[Josh:]
You really listen to me

[Rebecca:]
I'm like a sexy fashion-cactus. Livin' from compliment to compliment, hint to hint
Storin' them in my body through long periods of drought
I may look dry, but if you cut me open, you'll find only water inside
Incidentally that's also a useful fact for how to survive in the desert
But how do I know he loves me? I guess the only way to prove it is with abstract symbolism

[Josh:]
Those jeans are cute
Want some of my smoothie?
Wait, you should put this pillow under your knees first

[Rebecca:]
He gives me
Love kernels
Each little crumb, another tasty clue
Love kernels
'Cause if you read between the lines he's sayin', "I love you"
Love kernels
Save those kernels up to make a bowl of popcorn
Love kernels
A handful is the proper serving anyway

I know when you say
"I wanna go to Colorado sometime"
It means you're thinkin' 'bout the future with me
I know a 3 am text means
I was in your dreams before you woke up to pee
(It's a 3 am 'sup' text)
And I know you care when you say
"I'm going to a movie tonight, my friend bailed, wanna come?"
It means I'm the most important person in his life
Next to his friend
But he's known his friend since he was like five. So that's saying a lot

I'd do anything for those love droplets
Like a hamster in a cage—Slurp slurp
Love droplets
Each a letter on a page in the novel of our love
Love droplets
Fallin' down from the sky
And when I mix it in with the tears I cry it makes a
Full glass of water
God, I'm thirsty after all that popcorn

I'll be patient
Until the droplets become a river that needs a dam
I'll be patient
Until the kernels rain down like candy on Shaquille O'Neal
In the movie Kazaam

Whatever you got, baby, I'll take it, baby

[Josh:]
What you up to today?

[Rebecca:]
I'll take it

[Josh:]
Your house smells like lemon

[Rebecca:]
I'll take it

[Josh:]
Where is my phone?

[Rebecca:]
It's a stretch, but I'll take that too

I'll take all your love kernels
This video ate up our production budget
Love kernels
We used up literally every cent
Love kernels
Darryl is now played by a broom on a stand
But like your love kernels
We'll do our best with what we have





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Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast Love Kernels Comments
  1. L.... B....

    It's 12/29/19 almost 2020.

  2. W.... ....

    i love this video, each cent of the production budget worth it

  3. B.... C....

    Hahahaha, Taylor swift "I knew you were trouble" & Beyonce "if I were a boy" vibe

  4. A.... S....

    0:30 NOO you do NOT want to drink cactus juice if you´re in a desperate situation in the desert. Sure it´ll quench you because its the quenchiest but you´ll trip hard

  5. b.... ....

    It's hilariously accurate how this feels so close to an ironic mash up parody of Taylor Swift. LOL.
    That 'deep' speech in the desert b&w scene (I knew you were trouble), like how she talks midway in her songs (we are never getting back together), the 'abstract symbolism' setting (blank space), and all the skinny ass background dancers (shake it off).
    YET the music is legit, great job! Had a great laugh!
    Oh, almost forgot, the red dress.

  6. S.... P....

    this sounds like a rihanna song on crack

  7. Y.... ....

    sexy fashion cactus AHAHAIHAHAHAHHSSHSHHSHS

  8. A.... g....

    This song and video is amazing Rachel well done!

  9. T.... N....

    Is the red dress the same she used in period sex video? I think it is gorgeous!

  10. M.... A....

    Those scenes with the red dress are so fucking sexy. I’m feeling really bi today

  11. R.... P....

    Quite literally had a guy ask me today if I wanted to go to a movie because his friend bailed today and I had to come over here to listen to this again

  12. d.... ....

    this video is shipping culture

  13. S.... ....

    Thanks for the survival tip 😆👍

  14. i.... ....

    I often come back to this song, even after the series has wrapped. I think it's the combination of the humour and the obvious desperation Rebecca has for Josh's affections. It's hilarious yet so sad at the same time. Don't be that girl. But so many of us are that girl :(

    i.... ....

    iloveperfume yes so true, and sameee! I just have to come back to this sometimes

  15. M.... ....

    Rachel bloom is a genius

  16. J.... B....

    I hope no one is taking advice from a sexy fashion cactus. Do NOT drink cactus water. That will kill you.

  17. N.... S....

    Slurp slurp 🤣🤣🤣 best part 😆
    Awesome song by the way

  18. H.... K....

    The slow awkward running as the fashion cactus is my dream gif

  19. N.... B....

    This song is too catchy, I literally listen to it everyday

  20. T.... H....

    Is this a Lemonade parody or am I paranoid

    T.... H....

    Thomas Hoare no it is!

  21. M.... M....

    This song...is ...me

  22. A.... G....

    I'm like a sexy fashion cactus too. You're not alone Rachel

  23. A.... P....

    Essa machuca o coração haha

  24. R.... B....

    That broom looks more like Darryl than Darryl does.

  25. D.... S....

    this song literally describes the entirety of my love life.

  26. a.... a....

    i work in a movie theater and sometimes i start singing this while munching on popcorn and everyone looks at me funny they think i made up a song about popcorn off the top of my head.

  27. P.... ....

    SLURP SLURP

  28. C.... G....

    Love all the songs in the show, are so deep, and always are about something everyone think. This show is a piece of art. ❤️

  29. y.... d....

    The fact that this is me with every guy I've ever liked is making me feel a little attacked 💀

  30. r.... r....

    obsession is real

  31. C.... g....

    most cacti are poisonis and is not a good way to survive in the desert.

  32. M.... ....

    How do I know he loves me? It's the little things
    Little compliments here and there that I secretly stockpile in my woman-brain
    I can live for days off a single
    ("You really listen to me")
    I'm like a s**y fashion-cactus
    Livin' from compliment to compliment
    Hint to hint
    Storin' them in my body through long periods of drought
    I may look dry, but if you cut me open you'll find only water inside
    Incidentally that's also a useful fact for how to survive in the desert
    But how do I know he loves me?
    I guess the only way to prove it is with abstract symbolism"


    ("Those jeans are cute!")
    ("Want some of my smoothie?")
    ("Wait! You should put this pillow under your knees first")


    He gives me love kernels
    Each little crumb another tasty clue
    Love kernels
    'Cause if you read between the lines he's sayin' I love you
    Love kernels
    Save those kernels up to make a bowl of popcorn
    Love kernels
    A handful is the proper serving anyway


    I know when you say, "I wanna go to Colorado sometime"
    It means you're thinkin' 'bout the future with me
    I know a 3am text means
    I was in your dreams before you woke up to pee
    (It's a 3am 'sup' text)
    And I know you care when you say
    "I'm going to a movie tonight, my friend bailed, wanna come?"
    It means I'm the most important person in his life
    Next to his friend
    [Lyrics from: https:/lyrics.az/rachel-bloom/-/love-kernels.html]
    "But he's known his friend since he was like five
    So that's saying a lot. Okay rude!"


    I'd do anything for those love droplets
    Like a hamster in a cage! Slurp slurp
    Love droplets
    Each a letter on a page in the novel of our love
    Love droplets
    Fallin' down from the sky
    And when I mix it in with the tears I cry it makes a
    Full gla** of water
    God I'm thirsty after all that popcorn


    I'll be patient
    Until the droplets become a river that needs a dam
    I'll be patient
    Until the kernels rain down like candy on Shaquille O'Neal
    In the movie Kazaam


    Whatever you got, baby, I'll take it, baby
    ("What you up to today?")
    I'll take it
    ("Your house smells like lemon")
    I'll take it
    ("Where is my phone?")
    It's a stretch but I'll take that too


    I'll take all your love kernels
    This video ate up our production budget
    Love kernels
    We used up literally every cent
    Love kernels
    Darryl is now played by a broom on a stand
    But like your love kernels
    We'll do our best with what we have

  33. M.... M....

    Daryl broom looks just like Daryl. Are they related?

  34. W.... R....

    She is the Fanny Brice of the 21st Century, haha

  35. S.... ....

    I want to dress up as a sexy fashion cactus for Halloween

  36. a.... p....

    "Okay rude!"

  37. s.... ....

    my favorite part is the waddle/run in the cactus dress

  38. L.... A....

    Very funny but also terribly sad.

  39. H.... M....

    I kept expecting later on in the show when Rebecca was seeing reality more frequently for what actually was (not always but more often than earlier in the series) the inclusion of the saying "he's just not into you", because like many women she takes Josh's "love kernels' to mean something unrelated & analyses his behaviours to suit her own agenda. Perhaps in an empowering song ♩🎸🎷as she begins to realise what she does in relationships, like it was in Sex & the City for Miranda & also in the film 'He's Just Not That Into You' when they learn if a man is into you, then you will know about it & that there really is 'no inbetween' for men!!

    I don't know exactly why, but this just kept popping in to my head....hmm maybe I'll write the song myself 🤔 ♡ 😅

  40. J.... S....

    Now that that relationship (that was basically like this) is over, I can actually finally laugh at this video.

  41. �.... ....

    My favorite scene in this video 3:12 broom Deryl

  42. C.... ....

    Hold up by Beyoncé?

  43. !.... !....

    Okay Rachel, I finally gave up on my ex gf you don’t have to write a whole diss track about me

  44. G.... S....

    “It’s a 3am SUB text” someone can explain to me what does it means please? It’s a joke? I’m not English mother language. Thanks

    G.... S....

    It's a play on the word "subtext"

  45. M.... R....

    SLURP SLURP

  46. E.... N....

    I love how the lines about using up the production budget and having to replace Darryl with a broom make so much sense in the context of the song. They are not just mere meta asides. The song itself is a metaphor for her response to those love kernels that the audience sends her way in the form of ratings.
    In the context of the story itself,
    Rebecca lost a lot of money fuelling her obsession. So much so that she started overlooking all the things that are really important in her life, like her friends or her mental health.

  47. M.... T....

    I feel so called out by this song

    M.... T....

    I think we've all done this

  48. G.... S....

    🐹“Slurp slurp” The best part😂😂😂

  49. C.... B....

    lol that what got me thinking what happened to all musicals is that what they said if they had wear something uncomfortable?

  50. K.... ....

    This describes BPD so well tbh.

    K.... ....

    I know right?! I have BPD and this song reflects me so well in a relationship

  51. L.... S....

    my friend sent me this. I feel so called out.

  52. K.... D....

    This is one of the weirder songs from CEG. still love it though

  53. E.... F....

    One of my favorites

  54. S.... I....

    Is this beyonce's all night parody???

  55. C.... ....

    Rachel Bloom munching on that popcorn in her hoodie is the most adorable thing.

  56. D.... S....

    I found this TV show when I was going through a really difficult time w/ a FWB. It got complicated... he led me on in a big way and then just ended back up w/ his ex. Anyway, this show was so incredibly relatable and that’s why it was amazing! Yes the main character is a little crazy haha but the stuff she does is something so many are guilty of (myself included), including this song! It helped me see how absurd I was being, but in a funny way 😂

  57. F.... ....

    I often have the urgent need to listen to this song and see the hamster do slurp slurp.

  58. K.... J....

    Is this a Beyoncé parody?

    K.... J....

    I don’t think so. No one’s even chasing waterfalls!

  59. a.... a....

    i love how much that broom actually looks like darryl. its an honestly spot on representation of darryl as a broom.

  60. J.... E....

    Is the beyonce parody

  61. B.... B....

    I wish this was a number 1 music video it's fucking banter, plus she THICCCCCCCCCCCC

  62. �.... �....

    Were you concerned too until you saw Daryl safe and sound?

  63. R.... ....

    I’ll take it!

  64. k.... w....

    ok but this is truly a cinematic masterpiece

  65. M.... ....

    LOLed at the tears mixed with droplets to make water. Why isn't this show more popular?

  66. R.... e....

    This is literally the best song ever

  67. G.... D....

    That broom looks so much like darryl tho

  68. a.... ....

    All the black and white scenes look like they're from a perfume ad haha I stan

  69. I.... C....

    crazy ex girlfriend songs are at their best when they're funny, relatable and well written/produced/performed songs in and of themselves, and this one hits the mark on all three

  70. a.... a....

    but that 3:15 broom looks SOO much like pete gardner im not even trying to be funny the eyebrows and mustache are spot on.

  71. A.... K....

    I love smart humor.

  72. 0.... ....

    "My woman brain" hahahahah

  73. D.... N....

    This is it. This is the video you show your friends to summarise CXG. I found it

  74. E.... S....

    Can relate as I am also a sexy fashion cactus

  75. J.... B....

    Is it bad that this inspired becoming a sexy fashion cactus this Halloween?

  76. T.... a....

    I think about sexy fashion cactus constantly.

  77. J.... H....

    Hey! I’ve watched this a billion times and only just realised that the flowing red dress is the period sex dress as well 😂😂

  78. R.... E....

    the lorde vibes tho xd

  79. M.... S....

    This really helps to put things in perspective

    M.... S....

    Your profile pic really fits this song though

  80. A.... G....

    3:09 there is van or smtn in the backround

  81. G.... N....

    3 years late.... but i truly worship you now Rachel... thank you...!

  82. R.... B....

    I feel like this is a good song for Bellarke fans

  83. J.... R....

    This is so Lemonade

  84. W.... E....

    In Season 4 PLEASE do a Trent cover of this song

  85. T.... ....

    I was super scared when they said this video ate up all our production right in the first music video of the new season lol don't ever to that to me again

  86. J.... F....

    The first time I saw this I had to pause it to laugh at the 'slurp slurp' clip 😂

  87. B.... S....

    This show is just everything the world needed, despite being criminally underrated. It perfectly depicts the issues it depicts while remaining comedic in a dark way, always at the right times. As well as the audibly and visually amazing musical numbers that make my life complete. Jesus, I love this.

  88. s.... ....

    this woman is a genius

  89. s.... ....

    i think she looks the most beautiful in this video

  90. T.... ....

    2:50 did they forget that all those parts are in black and white?

  91. H.... D....

    One of my favorite videos from that season. Partly, I think, because everyone has been there.

  92. s.... j....

    new halloween costume: sexy fashion cactus

  93. S.... P....

    It would be maniac if in a future episode they actually use a broom on a stand to play Darryl.

  94. C.... ....

    Reletable

  95. N.... O....

    this is one of my favorite songs at the moment.

  96. A.... M....

    I love how after all of the comments on other CXG videos about the meta-ness “starting to get a little out of hand,” this is still the most meta of all the meta. She’s literally speaking directly to the audience.