Cozart, Jon - Progressive Christmas Carols Lyrics




[God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen:]
We wish you happy holidays, whoever you may be
So merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, or heck all three
We've modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie
Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team

[Santa Clause is Coming to Town:]
You better not judge, you better not hate
Better not bully or discriminate
Progressive Santa's coming to town
He's making a list of gluten free foods
He won't take a peek at J-Law's nudes
Progressive Santa's coming to town
He's 50 different races
And all for tax reform
He'll protect all your children
Well, as long as they've been born
You'd better watch out... Too far? Okay.

[Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer:]
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)
Had an advantageous nose (he outlived his friends)
He passed his bright red traits on (traits on)
Darwin said that's how it goes (evolution's not a theory)

[Mary Did You Know:]
Mary did you know that your baby boy supports the NRA
Mary did you know that your baby boy is white
Did you know-

[Deck the Halls:]
Deck the halls with kujichagulia
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Give zawadi, hang benderas
Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza
Throw your hands up in the air-uh

[You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch:]
You're a green one, Mr. Grinch
You're lacking in finesse
That greenish epidermis determines your success
Mr. Grinch
Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress
You're an outlier, Mr. Grinch
You give the Whos a fright
They say your heart is 3/5ths normal,
You're either wrong or white
Mr. Grinch
Don't walk the streets of Whoville you might fight a cop the Whos will not indict

[White Christmas:]
I'm dreaming of a racially ambiguous holiday

[Away In A Manger:]
Away in a manger with Jesus and crew
His schmeckle got cut cause hey Christ was a Jew

[O Holy Night:]
O holy night, the stars are brightly shining
It is the night Jesus did something holy
(I don't know the whole story)
Joseph watched golf (Right?), his leather chair reclining
As Mary birthed a child, I think a donkey was involved (Any help here? God?)
Three wise men came, with GPS they found him
Christ lied in a barn, as his omniscient baby-daddy tucked him in
Jesus crawled on his knees
His mom shared it on snapchat
O bright device!
O night, when Christ celebrated Christmas





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Cozart, Jon Progressive Christmas Carols Comments
  1. Naitokoa studios

    i just rewatched this. last time i watched it i was in year 4. back then i just thought there where 4 of them and spend soo long trying to figure out if he had three brothers or not.




    just me ?

  2. JetBlack 19

    How many Christians/Catholics did this offend? 😂 and why am I watching this 6 years later

  3. King Perkins

    great voice and amazing lyrics, funny and relevant - Ya got some talent boy !! (young man )

  4. LaurenR Waterstripe

    hi it’s february 2020 and this is still relevant 👌

  5. Landon Gordon

    The fact that you're making fun of a religion in this video is so disrespectful. You can't use Christian songs and rewrite them and put information that is not true.

    That’s So Fetch!

    Why not?

    Turtle Royalty

    Politics and Religion. not just religion

  6. PlatinumShiro

    Everytime I watch this, I spend the first view looking at the reflection and then rewatch looking at Jon.

  7. Triggered Broccoli

    This song is so much funnier now that I'm not 11 years old XD

  8. Beerenfrost JE

    I was today years old when understand the "as long as they were born"...

    Yeah, let's say I was... confused

  9. What the ?

    For the massive bourgeois (activate communism)

  10. Thoralf L

    "as Mary birthd a child I think a donkey was involved".... My absolut favorit line 😀

  11. M1A1JD

    Can we get a full version of the deck the halls one

  12. Talia Richer

    this makes a lot mores sense than when i was 9

  13. Depressed Bitch

    Why does this reminds me of Sander Sides' 12 days of Christmas?

  14. Dominique Goodwin

    2:17 he went there. he went there and bought property.

  15. Barrie Slayden

    Is it bad that I couldn't tell whether or not this was satire until the racially ambiguous holiday?

  16. NBD300

    mary did you know needs to be a song by itself

  17. liv

    when you’re on your 284728th watch of this video and you just now notice the silhouette on the right side of the video in the window

  18. Wolf Treetruck

    Is this a joke, or is he sirius?

    Sean Paul

    Wolf Treetruck All of this is a joke

  19. the gamers empire

    Too many leftist agendas if you would have just updated him to make him sound better and cool but just left us agendas don't make it better I don't like it

  20. Thomas Woisetschlager

    Excellent !

  21. Melissa Ngai

    I got my 9th grade history teacher to play this in class because of the 3/5ths compromise part and I was so proud of Jon while my whole class realized this wasn't 4 different people singing haha

  22. Kathryn

    this is about five years old and it still bangs


    jon tell us your secrets

  23. Brooklynn Lackey

    Damn it’s been 6 years and still know all the words

  24. M. Hess

    Oh my god I watched this like 3 years ago and I just got the 3/5ths joke jfc

  25. ENGLISH CLASSES

    You're great!!

  26. alex goodbear

    if this is progressive then why do I feel excluded

  27. Musterlule

    Happy new decade!

  28. GayrdianPurplePanda Skyler

    When I read this I though of Progressive like the insurance company and got so confused

  29. T3mPtD Voltz

    Ok so imma be this person but anyone watching in 2020 its literally like 3 am on new years

  30. Kyïv stuff

    I’m back! It’s my yearly tradition now!

  31. Wingila Mpamila

    Progressive Deck the Halls words
    kujichagulia- choosing for oneself
    kwanza- first
    give zawadi- give "gift"
    hang bendera- hang flag

    language:Swahili

  32. Lucie Ciepka

    Your songs make me happy. Thank you!

  33. whatwhyandwhos

    magfuckingnificent

  34. OriginalityPeople

    the last one was the best. lol

  35. DeAnna Warren

    Well as long as they’ve been born

    You better watc...

    Too far? Ok.

  36. whAckAttAck YYY

    I was not expecting an abortion jab.

  37. jenna keady

    OH MY GOSH, THIS WAS EVERYTHIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!! :D 💚🌺✨

  38. R RussQ

    Jesus supports the NRA? HELL YEAH!!! I knew I liked him.

  39. Utopes

    It was the night that Jesus celebrated Christmas.


    Yessir, that's the line.

  40. Cardinal Chaos

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=520fl3puFzc

  41. Hugh Burroughs

    I want sheet music for this!

  42. The Vlogging Goddesses

    I holy night is definitely my version lmao

  43. Sandy SJY

    Where did he go?

  44. NetLockGaming

    Now you know one of these songs inspired the others, so which was the song that originally underwent this change?

  45. Larry Croft

    can i get a burger, thank

  46. Azula

    *it was the night, that Jesus did something holy*

  47. Azula

    Its literally an hour till the 26th, Youtube is insane

  48. Serene Hamilton

    👍👍👍👍👍👍

  49. Katja Hills

    The deck the halls one was DOPE

  50. Moonlight Lav

    very insulting

  51. slytherin bitch

    All jokes aside his voice is angelic

  52. Gingerstorm101

    Christmas Day crew?

  53. JJ Rohan

    I swear to god it gets better and better every year
    Especially now that I actually understand what all of it means....

  54. Disappointed Dictator

    This is racist.
    They should all be different races, genders, sexual orientations, religions, and shoild be overweight.

    REEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

  55. Zed Morningstar

    merry crisler

  56. anna!

    merry christmas 2019 y'all! can't believe i've been listening to this for six years now

  57. starkgalaxy131

    I miss being a child and not understanding any of this.. But same time now I get it all and know memes.

  58. — lounumber28 —

    It’s christmas 2019 now and my yearly visit here. Fuck, and it hits me every single time again. What? Everything about it. Just can’t describe it else.

  59. DragonMaster474

    This is somehow more controversial

  60. daxton johnson

    merry christmas guys :)

  61. Flipastix 2.0

    When you know these better than the originals lol

  62. Kenya Davenport

    I've watched this every holiday season since you've posted it. Please never take it down, it makes my Christmas every year.

  63. Snow

    5 years later this is still gold

  64. Emelie Anouk

    What’s the original song of the first one called?

    Kathy Aird

    "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" aka my childhood Christmas jam

  65. Meimei K

    Who can see Jon and theOdd1sOut being either the same person or best friends

  66. The Night Ranger

    I think this is progressive as intended, but also cursed.

  67. Lotte Collin

    I really wish I knew how he edited this... any help??

    Andrea Bidgood

    He probably recorded all four parts of the song together as an audio track. Then did some lip singing in front of a green screen for each part.

  68. duds

    It's been 5 years and I'm still in love with The Grinch one 💚

  69. jcarrionblue

    👍👍👍

  70. Courteney Skye

    “Mary did you know that your baby boy is white” kills me

    Azula

    Courteney Skye even though he’s Jewish

  71. HailMe

    #trump2020

    AshMakesVideos

    HailMe damn strait

  72. Jackson Maples

    “they say your heart is 3/5 normal” oop- colonial america who?

  73. jade_ 22006

    _Bold of you to assume Santa is a he._

  74. Jules Lovett

    His voice is so damn orgasmic

  75. Dale Flannery

    Want to know something it's quite extraordinary ever since Barack Obama became president the whole country has went insane

  76. James Christensen

    perfect

  77. E W

    The ad for this was a Christian website saying the rapture’s coming... well it’s been 5 years so I’m still waiting for everyone to go to hell like I told them to.

    AshMakesVideos

    E W as a Christian, I can safely say, that’s unlikely

    Tobias Wintermoon

    It's more low-key than you think, just watch what comes out of the Oval office.

  78. TheMaysenJar

    This is the quality content I come here for

  79. Subashini Azhagappa

    This video will never fail to make me laugh 😂

  80. Sayan Ghosh

    This was so cringy, oh my god

    AshMakesVideos

    Sayan Ghosh cool. Thanks for your opinion that no one asked for.

    Sayan Ghosh

    @AshMakesVideos no problem. Thanks for your reply which no one asked for either

  81. Sammyyam

    This is one of my yearly Christmas traditions

  82. Random musical trash

    2019 anyone???

  83. swiftze whip

    the o holy night bit gave me goosebumps

  84. Delaney Lovick

    It’s time.

  85. Claire Battersby

    Did anyone else sing along? This is the first time I watched this, this year, but I watched it so many times in the past few years that it all came flooding back.

  86. Premus101

    This song has become part of our winter holiday tradition. It must be played at least once a day to really get into the holiday spirit.

  87. Grand Duke Pigeon

    I hope this is just a joke. I dont understand this progressive recreation of Christmas songs. Christmas is a Christian holiday celebrated by most of the western world. The songs are not meant to be inclusive for Islamic or Jewish holidays, that are admittedly less represented because they are the minority, they also have their own holidays but I dont see them getting punished into being inclusive. So instead of changing Christian/Christmas stuff just make your own damn songs.

    AshMakesVideos

    Grand Duke Pigeon yes it’s a joke dude. I agree, progressive culture is dumb. they also want christians to say “happy holidays” and not “merry Christmas” when I’m sure they’d never say the same thing to a jew.

  88. ZombieDragonMast

    I mean, snow is white. That has nothing to do with race. White Christmas because of snow.

  89. Cameron

    How did I discover this just now? It's so perfectly aligns with our today's politics while still showing incredible talent!

  90. Wildstar

    ...So I sing, and one of our choirs was doing You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch (not mine, it was the men's choir). It was my favorite song in the show. Before I heard them sing it in full, I completely thought the words including "you're an outlier, Mr Grinch." It's only now that I remember where I picked that up

  91. beemp bomp #PotatoFam

    when it said progressive i thought it meant the company

  92. Sam Fielder

    God the last part gets me like chills every time omg

  93. Yiffox

    turned off after 1 minute...progressives are commies.

  94. Hanna Stewart

    you know, now that im not 14 this makes so much more sense..... happy holidays folks

  95. Kezia Eunike

    Just coming to visit before leaving the decade :)

  96. Rowen Jensen

    1:42
    You're a green one, Mr. Grinch.
    You're lacking in finesse.
    That greenish epidermis determines your success,
    Mr. Grinch.
    Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to supress.

    You're an outlier, Mr. Grinch.
    You give the Whos a fright.
    They say your heart is 3/5 normal.
    You're either wrong or white,
    Mr. Grinch,
    Don't walk the streets of Whoville, you might fight a cop the Whos will not indict.

    Edit: Just had to fix some spelling errors.

  97. beebotwibe

    aw hells yes, thank you YouTube recommendations

  98. Nat Girl6

    Are you gay or lesbian i cant tell

    E McN

    He's bi

  99. Anthony Vetrano

    Everyone is really out here coming back to this video every year because when you listen to actual christmas music his versions get stuck in your head.

    MADISON BAILEY

    I can literally never sing white Christmas because of him.

    Melina Marie

    His version of white Christmas has been stuck in my head for a month