Bobby Bare - Numbers Lyrics






I was sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine
When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind
Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine
On a scale of one to ten, I'd give her a nine.

Now on my scale there ain't no ten's, you know
Nine is about as far as any chick can go
So I flashed her a smile, but she didn't even look at me
So for brains and good judgement, I'd give her a three.

I said, "Hey sweet thing, you look like a possible eight
You and me could, uh! make eighteen, if your head's on straight."
She looked up and down my perfect frame
And said these words that burned into my perfect brain.

She said, well, another one of those macho-matician men
Kind who grade all women on scales of one to ten
And, you give me an eight, well, that's a generous thing to do
Now, let's just see, just how much I give you.

She said you comin' on to me with that phony numbers jive
Your style makes me smile, I give it a five
When you walked up I noticed that suit of (yores)
It's last year's double-knit frayed-cuffs, give it a four.

That must be your car parked out on the curb
That sixty-nine homemade convertible, a three and a third
Now, as for your build, I guess (yore) less than five
Except, for your pot belly, I'd give that a ten for size.

That wine you're pourin' might be fine to you
But I'm used to fine champagne, I give it a two
It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth
I give it a six, you could use some dental work.

But, It's your struttin' rooster act that really makes me laugh
It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me a three and a half
And there really ain't much to add once the subtractin's done
Since there ain't no zeroes, I give you a one!.

She walked out, while up and down the line
The whole bar was laughin', said' Bare, what happened to your nine
Nine says I, hell soon as she started to talk I knew
She didn't have no class, I barely gave her a two.

Spoken:
Yeah! No matter how good they look at first
There's flaws in all of them
That's why on a scale of ten to one, friend
There ain't no ten.





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Bobby Bare Numbers Comments
  1. D.... O....

    There ain't no tens...😂😂😂true

  2. G.... W....

    I went home at 2 with a 10 and woke up at 10 with a 2.

  3. A.... M....

    I remember dancing with my daughter @ her weddings singing "NUMBERS". Great memories.

  4. F.... W....

    Over the long years, I have found out the SOMETIMES, A VERY FINE WOMAN WILL VISIT THE LOCAL WATERING HOLE, JUST TO STIR UP SHIT. THEN LEAVE.  FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF.

  5. V.... M....

    I'm curious. Is it possible for that guy's belly to REALLY be that big? I'm dead serious, guys. lol Any doctors on here who could let me know if that is possible? lol Thank you.

  6. b.... ....

    Love this.

  7. L.... B....

    i love this song but its cruel to NUMBER WOMEN that you need to RESPECT

    L.... B....

    I agree and I have always understood that to be the point of this song, a humorous look at all the things men do wrong when they are in a bar.

  8. D.... W....

    The only number from 1-10 Shel didn't include, was 7.

  9. F.... W....

    I thought I had met a "10" one night in a bar in Augusta, Georgia, until she started looking for a cigarette and a asked me for a light when her pistol fell out of her purse  and landed on the bar counter.  I remembered that I had to be at another place.

    F.... W....

    I've never had a problem with a girl packin' heat...as long as it's for her own protection.

  10. B.... T....

    Dang I haven't heard This in YEARS!!

  11. T.... 2....

    Awesome song. I'm from Michigan originally, but living in Arkansas now. Missing the Westland Michigan but enjoying the Russellville Arkansas lol

  12. T.... 2....

    Awesome song. I'm from Michigan originally, but living in Arkansas now. Missing the Westland Michigan but enjoying the Russellville Arkansas lol

  13. J.... O....

    Wish I was with my wife in Key West.

  14. S.... ....

    This is such a great song on so many levels! The guy's voice (sounds a lot like Johnny Cash and that's who I thought it was at first, when I heard it come on the radio), the clever, funny lyrics, the beat and rhythm and the melody in general. I give it a 10! :D

  15. M.... ....

    Great tune, A lot of ego truth... But the LP could use a cleaning or filtered to remove the pops & ticks.

  16. N.... ....

    Wow I hadn't Heard this for decades, Humor Sarcasitc Parody At Its Finest...

  17. L.... D....

    I am old fashioned and I don't care who knows it !

  18. M.... D....

    LOVE Bobby Bare!!

  19. J.... S....

    heard this for the first time today! So funny!

  20. n.... m....

    I'm so excited to find this song! my mother had the 45 when I was a kid and I still today know all the words. lol! I love classic country like this! THANK YOU!

  21. k.... l....

    GREAT SONG!! I give GAGNES to you. She is a ONE!!

  22. L.... D....

    9? Their all 10"s with my unit in their lips.

    L.... D....

    Lionel Ducote *they're

  23. m.... b....

    one of my all time favorites!! too funny!!

    m.... b....

    Have you heard "The Jogger"? That's a great one!

  24. W.... T....

    This is so true about us guys! :-) will t.

  25. J.... A....

    Me and my sis favorite song. Rip

  26. K.... A....

    I love this song. never heard it before

    K.... A....

    Kyle, OMG! You had never heard "Numbers" before? It must be at least 40 yrs old. It's a great one, isn't it? Bobby Bare is so funny.

  27. F.... ....

    Hey, Bare, what happened to your nine?

  28. c.... ....

    Revelation 13:17 Legal Name Try Buying, Selling, Banking, Anything without it. It's illegal to use a legal name, google legal name fraud

  29. K.... ....

    That was cool enough

  30. D.... A....

    bobby bare, knows what he's talking about! my favorite song is the winner.

    D.... A....

    +David Anderson Have you heard his "The Diet Song"? Hilarious.

  31. J.... S....

    I am dedicating this song to Agnes she deserves it

    J.... S....

    +Josie Springfield Unfortunately I cannot sub anymore either

    J.... S....

    Neither can I 

  32. R.... D....

    Love Bobby and all his funny songs. lol

  33. V.... M....

    This is one of the best, funniest songs ever! I love it. Along with "The Winner".

    V.... M....

    +Violet Miller
    Both Shel Silverstein masterpieces.

    V.... M....

    as well as

    A Boy Named Sue

  34. C.... P....

    Good song

    C.... P....

    +Charlene Parker It is a good song for Gagnes

    C.... P....

    No kidding 

    C.... P....

    You got that right 

  35. C.... P....

    I am brand new to you tube but I do know Kimberly Longman

    C.... P....

    +Charlene Parker I know you know her so do I

    C.... P....

    Charlene Parker next time you see Kimberly, tell her I said she gives a Damn good blow job.

  36. G.... L....

    Shel Silverstein was a Great  Song writer who Will be Missed by Many!!!

  37. L.... D....

    Bobby Bear,  we saw him at the Ingham County Fairgrounds!  He played with Razzy Baily !    Great times they were.....

  38. J.... ....

    oh bobby bare didn't write it ?

    J.... ....

    @JT422B No...

    J.... ....

    +JT422B
    Shel Silverstein wrote it ... a lyrical genius.

    J.... ....

    +Qwikin Inn Yes, SS really WAS a genius. He wrote so many great songs it's hard to keep track of them. But he was close to being on a par with Dr. Seuss. He is missed.

  39. D.... R....

    You've outdone yourself Tony. .😁

  40. W.... W....

    They all tens at closing time

    W.... W....

    NOPE. THEY ARE NOT.

    W.... W....

    no they are NOT!  YOU SIR, JUST GET TOO DRUNK

    W.... W....

    Never gone to bed with an ugly woman, sure woke up with a few.

    W.... W....

    @Frank Welch you couldn't just say "lol"?

  41. M.... F....

    Thanks Tony. Great song, great Video!

  42. K.... R....

    Great song! Great photo selection! Your production is definitely a TEN on my scale !!!!!

  43. W.... L....

    Damn fine tune man!! Bobby and Skeeter among the Greats for sure!! Love them on there own as well as a duo!!

  44. T.... P....

    way...way...way...way!

  45. T.... P....

    4:33...just to make sure people watch all the way to the end! LOL

  46. j.... ....


    Smooth & catchy tune...
    I like Bobby Bare...
    Great job on the video Tony...
    Thanks for posting!
    4:33 ......
    Nice...
    To say the least!
    I noticed!
    Smiles!

    JJK

  47. L.... F....

    That was quite the show for a song from the 70's. I guess, no matter, it's still the same old game of love music. It isn't love and marriage so now we don't have music either these days.

  48. c.... m....

    listening to this song brings me back to a time when "Country Music" was mosaic..instead of a melting pot of watered down wanna be Country Artists...

  49. T.... P....

    but "video killed the radio star"! LOL

  50. c.... m....

    engaging the immagination takes the words and makes them what you want...no limits...Oh Yea....

  51. T.... P....

    Thanks Violet,, I always try to find pictures that go along with what the lyrics are saying. It just gives you a visual to go with the audio, which is twice as much fun...in my opinion!

  52. V.... M....

    This is a lot better than the other one that doesn't have any illustrations. Now THIS is country music!

  53. M.... ....

    True dat! :)

  54. T.... P....

    "since there ain't no zeroes"!

  55. M.... ....

    For the ONE person that disliked this great song and video..I'd give you a "1"....

  56. T.... P....

    hey, thanks...just trying to give a visual to go with this great audio!

  57. J.... ....

    video for song is pretty cool thanks

  58. T.... P....

    right on, they told me "after 30 they start rolling on by", didn't believe them until 24 years flew right by and I woke up as a 54 year old country boy!

  59. T.... P....

    Apr 7, 1935 ...he turned 77 this week! wow, where does the time go?

  60. T.... P....

    Happy 75th birthday to Bobby Bare TODAY!

  61. T.... P....

    Bare's day is today! LOL

  62. T.... P....

    I have that vinyl...I'll dig it out and turn it to digital and do a funny slideshow for it within the next few days. thanks for the info Jason.

  63. J.... E....

    Thanks for the reply. I did some checking and I'm almost positive it's called 'Hot Afternoon (Arizona Desert)' from Bare's 'Wherever I Fall' LP. That is his best LP, by far, as far as my musical tastes are concerned.

    If you could upload that one, you'll have a lot of happy fans.

  64. T.... P....

    you MAY be thinking of the Delbert McClinton song 'B movie boxcar blues' where he says "Caught a ride into South Dakota, With two girls in a light blue Desoto"

  65. J.... E....

    Anyone know the name of the song (I'm pretty sure it's a Bobby Bare song) where he signs about the 8th day of June? He's hitchhiking, and a blond and redhead pick him up in the desert. There is classic line in the song: 'she handed me a can of beer so cold it hurt my hand'

  66. M.... B....

    Thanks for this one.

  67. T.... P....

    @radiowwww yep, ol' Bare is on tour in Canada even as we speak!

  68. r.... ....

    I hope he is still with us. he was a great entertainer, with a wide range

  69. A.... M....

    Perfect pics to go with the song! Nice

  70. M.... E....

    Great vid, been looking for this for a long time.... Thank you.

  71. T.... P....

    @christopherhud end of the 'big hits', but ol' Bare is still out there churning out the great tunes for us to enjoy!

  72. f.... ....

    I was looking for this awhile ty for sharing Great Job

  73. T.... P....

    these comments are way too funny! thanks you guys!

  74. k.... ....

    @bravesrule384 Yep! Ol' Steve was a pretty good running back but we always wondered about his post-game moisturizing regimen.
    I hope I warned you in time!!!

  75. F.... H....

    @kdn3249 What? That's a *he* that is now a she?

    :>O

  76. k.... ....

    @bravesrule384 I can see why, but be careful, I played football with HIM in back in high school!!!

  77. F.... H....

    @kdn3249 $#@!, the one in black pumps at 0:25 been running through MY mind..(LOL) ;>)

    Mmmmmmmmm..(LOL)

  78. a.... ....

    Excellent presentation, Brightens a grey day everytime!.

  79. T.... P....

    @kdn3249 I was affraid you would not get my humor, my fears were unfounded! great reply. LOL

  80. k.... ....

    @MrFreightdawg My most humble apologies to you, sir. I never would have made such a comment had I known that beautiful young thing was someone's daughter.
    Now if you would be so kind as to provide me her cell phone number, I will personally apologize to her!
    PS Great video. Thanks for the upload.

  81. T.... P....

    @kdn3249 My DAUGHTER says she'll take that as a compliment!

  82. k.... ....

    In regards to the chick at 0:15
    She must be tired... 'cause she's been running through my mind all night long!!!

  83. G.... H....

    Sweet video, thanks

  84. T.... P....

    My good friend and counterpart petty officer used to play this in the cassette player in his brand new 1980 toyota p/u truck as we drank bourbon next to Black Creek or was it Deep Creek?! Just Outside Portsmouth Naval Shipyard.

  85. T.... Y....

    Music don't get much better than this!

  86. T.... P....

    I'm sure women rate us too, they're just not as blatant about it!

  87. S.... ....

    You're right, very funny. I wonder if women do the same for us men? I haven't heard this this for a while, so thanks for the post.