Bloodhound Gang - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying Lyrics




I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love.
It had been a while.
In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave",
this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls
like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin',
'cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer."
Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
as I do my little kooky dance.
And then she told me to shush.
I guess she could sense my desperation.
'Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"
Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
Got to nail her back at her trailer.
Heh. That rhymes.
I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb",
when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.
Well, my heart just dropped.
So, I decided to do what any good Christian would.
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five
in an eighteen-wheeler.
I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'
Well I find it's quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'





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Bloodhound Gang A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper is Crying Comments
  1. Grimmm 258

    I've done my damn best to commit this to memory and my friends are freaked out how well I know this song. Great party trick

  2. Stoned Beaver

    I remember hearing this when it was released in 1999 and I really loved it. I still love it-
    This made me old. It's 21 years since it was relesed and I were 15 years old at the time.

  3. Ivan Johnson

    It's like if the Aristocrats joke had a musical baby...... and did unspeakable things to it........ as such things need to be sung. Lol

  4. brian5o

    If this song isn’t a masterpiece, I don’t know what is.

    By the way, I would’ve happily joined Kunta Kinté at a Merle Haggard concert. I didn’t realize he had such great taste in music.

  5. brian5o

    I never realized that Jesus Christ, Mickey Mouse, Garth Brooks and Santa Claus were so damn freaky.

  6. F. Crazybone

    These are the most disturbing lyrics I've ever read..creepier than when Tom Cruise laughs, or shitting naked.

  7. DeSouL BendeR

    "Being A God Is So Much Better When There Is Muertos De Hambre" Lol! Fuck God And His Poetry.

  8. Bee H.

    Quite possibly one of the worst songs to get caught singing along with in traffic... by a cop....

  9. rührei gerührt

    Jared, zieh dich aus und foxtrott unicorn Charlie kerdammt noch mal alle zusammen und gebt den Fans ein best of of the hell.

    Sven Mel Melich

    Oder ne kleine Deutschlandtour früher wusste ich nicht was die da singen aber seit einigen Monaten höre ich die fast jeden Tag🤣

  10. Mike Juul

    When I die, I know how I will freak people out. I will have my children gathered to read my will. There will be a nonsensical riddle for them to solve with hints from this song. This song will play after with me saying "I hope you understand why I raised you the way I did.' and that will be the last they will hear from me.

  11. Camper

    Can't wait for a kidz bop version of this. зь

  12. Chat Chit

    Hopefully y’all came here to watch this from Bobbi Dylan live chat lmao 😂

  13. TheBadAsh

    Calling all SJW's...reewuuur reewuur! You're under social arrest.

  14. Yeti8it

    OMFG HOW could there be 719 ASSHOLES giving a thumbs down to THIS … HA HA HA This SHIT is AWSUM

  15. Jamon Herman

    I told a girl I would wear her face like a mask while I do my little pookie dance once. Should have seen her face, it didn't go over very well.

  16. Michael

    Best Country Song EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Llama 1122

    Glad I’m here before tik tok takes it 😂

  18. buttslappingpirate

    This is offensive to every type of individual listed in this song except for Merle Haggard, as I'm pretty sure he was arrested at some point or another for actually doing most everything mentioned.

  19. b mel

    One of the Greatest songs ever!
    Name was... Russel....

  20. Darrell West

    Fuckin 🔥

  21. General Gorilla

    Jonathan Hills of Buddhism Hotline got trolled by this song.

  22. SBC Hot Rodding

    What's even better is when she is a single mom, and I banged her on mother's day morning after a night of drinking and crying...

  23. Storm Boss

    I am laughi`n so had I a cryi`n

  24. Jacob Hoffman

    This is some 4am Uber music

  25. Darrell Thrasher

    This song is so fucked on so many levels..... BRAVO

  26. Salty Gamer

    "You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?"

  27. Salty Gamer

    They just do not write songs like this anymore

    xEndowed Eyesx

    No creativity at all.
    You cant expect this from the plain stale pieces of bread people call souls now a days.

  28. 0.1000192998387766527210109 9.001

    Make more music

  29. Scott Utsler

    So, I'm assuming he killed her baby also...?

  30. Ben Siener

    Best song ever.

  31. tvsinesperanto

    It really is hard to hide a hard on when you are dressed like Minnie Pearl. How do I know? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!

  32. Joshua’s Lawn care

    This is my sjw protest song

    Much love from 2019

    Malchik Blue

    These fucks are super liberal.

    Ryan Bell

    How sad that you use cliches like "sjw"....

  33. Chris Axberg

    This is the worst song I've ever loved every second of.

  34. ARAND0MPANDA

    This song makes me want to eat ass

  35. Моня С.

    че за хуйня?

  36. Ismael Blas Pellot

    Her name was Russell lmao. Still a favorite.

  37. Not Donald Trumpet

    i lost myself to
    ruby red lips
    milky white skin
    baby blue eyes





    name was russell.

    Salty Gamer

    Love this line.... timing is perfect too

  38. Josh Dale

    I love that the beat is the 1st beat on an old Casio keyboard my cousins had in the 80s. Instantly recognizable

  39. Bret Cobearo

    I love the brilliant musical arrangement of this song!

  40. Dam Son

    reminds me of ween

  41. Tyler Reynolds

    Song sounds like pac man trying to fuck bob dylan

  42. Justin Abt

    Definitely there best most Funniest Song love it lmao😂!!!

  43. A. Stone Thorn

    That's right strippers are empowered until they get old...see Stormy. Yet, men feel sympathy for granny. Not a bad sex after all!

    shadow-wolf gaming

    And women hit the wall at 30

  44. The King MunchKin Ratt

    I bet know one even knows this but the beat from this song is totally from this song... https://youtu.be/lNYcviXK4rg

  45. The King MunchKin Ratt

    Have to say I love this song but the Course sounds sooo much like joe from family guy..

  46. keith campbell

    Faster then you can say Shallow Grave !!

  47. Justin Myslive

    Is it wrong I find this hilarious??????

    murrfeeling

    It would be wronger if you didn't.

    Jake Klein

    That's the whole point

  48. erik stein

    Name was Russel

  49. 85geoffm

    ...name was RUSSELL 😂😂

  50. Keegan Worthington

    Notbto be rude but this is your worst song that I have ever heard and I love most of your music

    Tom Volz

    It’s intentionally bad.

    Keegan Worthington

    @Tom Volz I get that

    David C. Garrity

    It's a parody of a genre of music much like every other track n this CD. As a parody of trucker/country music, it's pretty accurate.

  51. Ian Simpson

    Of course, it's hard to hide a hard on while you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.

    Mindful Drone

    It's funny because it's true.

  52. Simak Santana

    DANKUS MEMECUS

  53. Danny Fokker

    the reason for the missing drums is that at this point they had a drummer that was only 12 years old and his mom did not allow him to preform this song. god do i love bloodhound gang!

    Wayward Offsider's

    Source?

  54. Darrell Thrasher

    I was lonelier than kunter kinte at a Meryl Hagard concert, fucking hilarious.

  55. brian5o

    In memory of the days when missing children were actually printed on a milk carton...... For that matter, in memory of the days when milk actually came in a milk carton.

    Mindful Drone

    ...or when people drank milk for breakfast. Instead of scotch

  56. Trevor Dima

    this song makes me want to blow my brains out. funny asf though.

  57. Darkapple

    The minivan = 2 in front 5 in the back if you catch my drift.

    Ezra Brooks

    1 in the pink , 2 in the stink ?

    Kevin Kearchner

    2 in the front, fist in the rear

  58. Kyston Bate

    10/10 family reunions

  59. Frank Reynolds

    I'm parking the beef bus in tuna town

    realSteak86

    if you know what i mean...

    shadow-wolf gaming

    Putting his beef in her trout hole lol

    Wayward Offsider's

    Brilliant.

  60. The Washable Bomb

    _Just for all the zoomers out there who don't even know about the Bloodhound Gang:_
    This particular CD (go lookup what CD's looked like) was colored like a white chick's boob with the words "insert tongue here" by the hole... they might have included other races; I only bought one (they were cool like that).
    GENIUS!!!!!

    David Grover

    DeadFlag70, Boomer is about three generations before this.

    DeadFlag70

    @David Grover still, acting like just because they're older means they know everything while zoomers know nothing is acting like a boomer

    David Grover

    DeadFlag70, I respectfully disagree. As I have seen it applied in far more situations that do not match that definition than in situations that do.

    DeadFlag70

    Uhhhhh Ok Boomer 😂

    David Grover

    DeadFlag70, thanks for the example.

  61. The Washable Bomb

    You can't get away with this kinda shit anymore... :(

  62. samantha pyles

    I uze to play diz zong zittin out zide tha ztrip club lmmfao

    The Washable Bomb

    Did you get your tongue stuck in the CD again?

  63. Melissa Kerns

    I love this group they my favorite

  64. Stoned Prophet

    Genre: 8 bit country.

    brian5o

    My cousin was given a Casio keyboard back in the early 80s for Christmas. I swear this sample was one of the pre-programmed samples available on it. I’ve actually tried to find one of those keyboards I could buy since first hearing this song.

  65. Zero The painter

    2019 Epstein trump and Clinton

  66. tvsinesperanto

    Name was Russell

    Lyrics for generations hence.

    Shadow Wolf

    And it was a tranny he picked up

  67. Marijuana know something?

    I remember this being 11 minutes. Must've been on repeat.

    Used to play rainbow six Vegas two with this playing over the mic.
    The good ol days.

  68. turkeysnot1

    I’ve had a lap dance from a crying stripper. It doesn’t live up to the hype.

    Ezra Brooks

    Punched the bitch in the jaw, she cried.

    Dan Plunkett

    @Frank Reynolds Well lapdances and hookers are a pretty awkward concept as a whole.

    tvsinesperanto

    @Frank Reynolds Not hooker! Call girl! They are only hookers once they are dead!

    cum cakes

    @tvsinesperanto damn bruh

    K Uniyal

    Coz you're not a jerk.

  69. Daniel Mance

    ❤😂

  70. BiG bAnAnA bOi 58

    Nice song

  71. Bodhi.Dalton

    Super Underrated band!

  72. Mark Persson

    Hay for some reason this song is so true and always has been lol

  73. Drew Hampton

    The Stinky Pinky Gulp ‘N’ Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop

  74. Kesley Cottrell

    Kinda makes ya want to be a trucker.

  75. E Pruitt

    Oh after hours at the club back when this came out, me & the DJ would play it & the girls were like wtf man

    Duncan Zundel

    @Responsible Forest wait hold on, did some research. This just sounds like a victim complex?

    Responsible Forest

    Duncan Zundel
    Im enjoying talking to you but you’re talking about victim complex when you got on here to call someone an asshole for playing a funny song to some strippers. Looks like we’re all victims here lol.
    Look into the marriage laws in the USA, the family courts have totally declared war on men. Its so lopsided where men are forced to pay child support for children that aren’t theirs or forced to pay alimony for the rest of their lives to a female who initiated the divorce.

    Responsible Forest

    Duncan Zundel
    Do you think what harvey weinstein did was wrong? Trading sex for employment?

    Duncan Zundel

    So calling someone an asshole for not only participating in, but taking pride in, workplace harrassment is comparable to pretending a historically oppressive gender is being somehow oppressed by the laws written & voted into place by others of the same historically oppressive gender and that's somehow a WaR oN MeN? HHHHHHHAH

    Responsible Forest

    Duncan Zundel
    Most of us arent voting bro. Real ASSHOLES do that. Lmao “historically oppressive gender” lmaoooo are you a chick?

  76. иuggєт Cσrρѕє

    Chococripsy

  77. David Colyer (2024)

    This is better than blueface

  78. Josh Peterson

    Fuckin Russel can't keep her tears in...

  79. Monique Williams

    2019! Still the greatest love song ever made.

    Carrie Taylor

    Fuckin A right.

    David Henke

    Yes a lap dance is so much better 🌬

    Paul Barton-Collins

    Damn straight

  80. J D

    “That rhymes”

  81. Pleiadian Pilot

    🤣🤣🤣 I fuckin miss these boyz, this is genius

  82. Gabby Gaytan

    2019.... Here I am... NO REGRETS!

  83. samy701

    Homer... Dante...Khalil Gibran... The Bloodhound Gang. The Greats will always be great.

  84. General Gorilla

    I heard this from Buddhism Hotline.

  85. Iain MacCorquodale

    Name was Russel!

  86. Meat Cigars

    I was lonelier than...

  87. Eve ill Anderson

    lapdance ain't the only thing

  88. Ms Cloudherder

    I wish they had the video of this.

    Blood Mutt

    That would be illegal though...

  89. Bennett Gray

    no ones pays attention to the lyrics

    Najimubu

    Oh the lyrics make it better

    The Washable Bomb

    lol what are you talking about? The lyrics are everything in this song. No one is jamming to that toy Casio keyboard shit!

    Name Me Noah

    @The Washable Bomb I am

  90. Myranda Rota

    I literally hate this 😂😂

    J'Dinkaledge Morgoon

    Sorry, Bambi

    The Washable Bomb

    I hope you got a lot of baby formula!

  91. Gus Buckingham

    Um... the Bambi I know at the club didn't much like dancing to this.

    Amanda Knowles

    I used to dance with a couple named Bambi and Thumper. Definitely could not see a couple of blue-haired black girls getting down to this 😂😂😊

    Gus Buckingham

    @Amanda Knowles Hell, that sucks. Bambi and I are getting along better. In fact we're living together though we do keep separate rooms.


    She loves the basement. ;)

  92. Joseph Wilson

    That Kunta Kinte opening always gets me

    Frank Reynolds

    LMFAO, for sure, unfortunately many people who hear this song have not seen the TV mini-series roots and don't get the reference if they did they would think it was funny as s***

  93. kevin gover

    Hey jackson and foster, if you're ever reading this, I miss you guys. Hope everything's going good in Korea.

    Doomspud Roflcopter

    They stationed here? Just so happens I am too.

  94. Jeff sandrock

    Another great flat earth song. Thanks

  95. Nex Ventor Gaming

    Who's listening to this in DEC '99. ROADTRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Frank Reynolds

    Lets do it