Autumn, Emilie - Swallow Lyrics

It's a pretty song, but I'm not posting a list of my mental problems 😂

Borderline, was misdiagnosed as bipolar 1 in past (I was accidentally high on caffeine on empty stomach and a single Prozac when it happened) and treated with anitpsychotics for no reason at all. I can relate this to my doctor. O_O

You will identify with Felix from John Steakley's Armor. "What replaced the loathing and the fury was something very different, something cold and distant and...only impersonally attentive. It was an odd being which rose from Felix and through him. It was, in fact, a remarkable creature. It was a wartime creature and a surviving creature. A killing creature.

From a distant place, the frightened Felix scanned himself. He recognized little. Still, what he saw was a comfort of sorts and he concentrated himself toward it, toward the coldness, the callous machine-like...The engine, he thought. It's not me. It's my Engine. It will work when I cannot. It will examine and determine and choose and, at last, act. It will do all this while I cower inside." One of the greatest books ever written.

This song is so, so medolically beautiful, and emotionally hard. After maybe ten years, I come back time to time to this song just to appreciate it.

As you try to analyze mi psychy im just hearing music who'crazy

I dont give a fuck what you think

This is the sharing page? Here I go: Dystime disorder (aka long term depression) and a bunch of other disorders. I had a couple of rough years in therapy but I healed plenty and after years of secretly craving death I am not lusting for life! I am pursuing my dreams and trying my best to be the person little 6-year-old me would've been proud of. Sometimes it's still rough. But that's alright, that's life. But I thought I would never get over my depression and I pushed through and then suddenly... I did. The pieces fell in place. My love to you all <3

“You think this torment is romantic. Well it’s not, except to you”. Me to my ex, basically. I could just send her a ton of Emelie’s songs so I might have the courage to speak my mind for once. But she would never understand.

****Now take note that in these asterisks are just the health issues for which I was and mainly am still tortured due to just existing with by my so called "family"! Now, how is this for a random fucked up American girl's random list of diseases to be tortured for by a doctor father and teacher mother...I have ADD, Epilepsy, two forms of arthritis, scoliosis, a cataract, nut allergies, shellfish and local anesthetic sensitivities, such sensitive skin even some fragrance free stuff breaks me out and I can't wear anything unless it is genuine gold or silver, such bad dry mouth due to all my meds even though I brush my dry mouth causes such bad cavities I am in the dentist's office getting drilled raw due to cavities, I had hiccups 10 hours once and now need a muscle relaxant to stop mine, asthma, seasonal allergies, acid reflux, such bad sleep issues I would make Rip Van Winkle look like the Energizer Bunny, deformed feet and hands and a compromised writing grip and writing disability!...NOW FOR MY REAL TALE OF DARKNESS THAT STARTED FROM MY CONCEPTION THAT GETS INTO THE DARK, GRUELING AND WOESOME POINTLESS "WHY(S)" FOR SUCH DIS-SERVICE(S) TO BE PERFORMED! GET READY KIDDIES TO HOLD ON TO ON TO YOUR BRITCHES, TURN ON A LIGHT SO THE DARKNESS WITHIN DOESN'T HAUNT YOU, GRAB A TEA, SCONE AND LACE HANKIE IN WHICH TO CRY!!!****

My parents are a doctor and a teacher and couldn't comprehend messing with their disabled daughter's education past the point of the mother's training in the field and my father's blinded beliefs that due to me being so sickly as an infant (my twin and I were premature and I was the younger of the two of us and he was mostly OK but I was blue and had to be airlifted to another hospital) that it would be OK to treat me in his private practice as long as I was seen by another physician in the primary care office he ran along side the one he put me under the care of and claimed that he wasn't treating me and they were only coming to him in the capacity of a physician to parent when the practice was so tiny he pushed meds and signed documents (scripts, labs, etc.), all because they assumed that due to me being ill as a baby I would be so sick as a girl that my care would be best and more "importantly" to this/these points "CHEAPLY" handled under the care of one(s) "close" to the family! Also, with mom's degree as a bio research for the NIH I thought she would know having a husband messing with her kid's biology by pushing random shit would be a HUGE NO-NO, then again she has always been a cold and unfeeling woman and never one to really smile or hug or say good or thanks ye encouraged us to do so! This is the EXTREMELY least of what they did and the bad included robbery of my inheritance, locking me in my room with master locks, much more on top of it and my mom forcing me into a situation with a teacher that thought I should die for being disabled all due to her thinking it could mean her career as she taught in a gifted program the year I went into 5th grade and it was her first year and she taught 5th too and so she knew I was capable of her program but there was one of the programs at her school that was not as advanced vs. hers and you had to "test in to them for eligibility (like getting into college)" and she automatically assumed I would get into her program and as they had this rule you can't have your parent/family as a teacher due to favoritism that she just assumed I would test into hers or that even though she taught in one of the programs and if I got into the other one I wouldn't be able to handle NOT being able to call her something so simple as "Mrs. Leichtling" vs. "mom" due to my health issues (not like the system couldn't put it together and wouldn't already know due to how uncommon a name it was and my previous years in it)! She wouldn't even admit to knowing about the teacher until I was 18 and gave that as her reason! Not wanting to give me an edge over that! Their list of stupidity, it being why I could NEVER truthfully come out (among other important things a daughter should be able to do with her parents), just goes ON AND ON! Imagine a supposedly liberal father who will ONLY vote 3rd party and claims if there is NO 3rd party candidates running in ANY position that he just will NOT vote telling his own child NOT to get tested or to EVEN report getting raped by a girl (the female HS bully which I did everything to try and befriend to have some sanity in HS when home was such a mess!), all because from a "medical standpoint' it would be far less likely to prosecute than if I were raped by a "male" and so ONLY if a MALE did it would he be behind me 100% in such matter(s)! The list of stupidities and arrogant, despicable, profanities goes on

❤❤❤❤❤ my favorite song, wow a masterpiece

Everyones sharing, so my parents are taking me to the doctors about possible depression

update: possible bipolar isssues

Another crazy here, I have a load of shit wrong with me in the head, and the pills they're giving me feel like they're making things worse. Like.. on the surface I'm happy, but inside I feel empty, and it's this blank feeling I don't want to drown in... I really don't want to fucking take them at all.

Since we're sharing, I have BPD and NOSFED, and everything that those two bring to the table... and yes, I've been diagnosed by a specialist and seeing a therapist... but still some days are too hard to go through... like today...

what is NOSFED?

Sever adhd, dyslexic, and ptsd

who wants to give up their madness when it has guided and shaped who they are

Suppose I'll add myself to the crazy list. No diagnosis, but pretty severe social anxiety and paranoia. I'm trying to get a job, and get shut down constantly because I'm a wreck when talking to people, or just being around them. Living in a society where expectations are super high, life feels like a fucking nightmare right now.

I might as well share. I have depression, paranoia, mild schizophrenia and an eating disorder ^^

Darker Thoughts really

High functioning anxiety , depression PTSD and ADHD , this song calms my soul.

depression, anxiety and ocd baby ;)

manic depression/bipolar, anxiety, ocd, eating disorders among others... yay XD

Seens as we are all sharing ..I suffer from PTSD and depression , This song helps me for some reason i love it i love all of her songs <3

Deilvzcherry same

Sorry I'm late, but I have high functioning autism and either bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. They aren't sure.

Are we all sharing our diagnosis in the comments? Well, I've had an eating disorder for a very long time now, and this song somehow seems to help so much.

In case nobody told you that: you are amazing, pretty and interesting person and I sincerely hope everything is alright. I swear, in the future you'll be happy!

bipolar disorder and severe anxiety. love Emilie Autumn.

This song makes me sad because for one it reminds me of a sad time in my life and secondly (and mostly) because Emilie will probably never make music like this again. It makes me miss the Opheliac era.

ccbib yes i agree with you, by far my favorite era

I don't even think she's ever making music again :/

@Renan EA is definitely working on new material, preview clips are on her social media channels. More traditionally symphonic/broadway so far. I would be surprised if she went back to anything like Opheliac or the first half of FLAG these days. Seems like the negative impetus spurring those projects isn't present the way it was then.

Bi-polar and Multiple Personalities. This song makes me feel better about it for some odd reason.

Caius Ballad Emilie Autumn has manic depression :)

I suffer from existence

Killsocialmedia I suffer from those who are suffering.
Depression is very hard for me.

Nonparadoxical unexistence seems to be the goal...

+passiflora incarnata I know how ya feel honey,😯😯💜

oh cool lets all share our personal shit. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd, i have problems managing my moods and anger, and i have hallucinations from stress. happy times huh : )

I dont listen to music like this anymore,I mostly listen to rap now, but Emilie Autumn is still the shit.

+Jojo Alexis you shouldn't restrain yourself to only one type of music. Only boring people listen to ONE type of genre.

I said I MOSTLY listen to rap. That doesn't mean I only listen to rap.

+Kaela Taylor Who are we to judge and to say how others should listen to music anyway? It's nothing to do with being boring or cool - but with being ourselves.

+Ybon Treves thank you, because they obviously can't read and insult people based off of their music.

+Jojo Alexis Exactly.

seeing as we're all sharing... i haven't been diagnosed (my parents don't believe that i'm mentally ill somehow...), but i have symptoms of depression, social anxiety, maladaptive daydreaming, and i used to self harm. i've been clean for a year and a half now.

+Jo Smith ???

I just want to say thats really amazing youve been clean for so long. I really admire that, and im happy you have been able to get to a better place. even if its just a tiny bit better.

@sighyaka thank you so much. <3

mathematical anxiety, same symptoms as social anxiety when doing a mathematical equation, look it up, it's annoying 

My brother thought this was about sex I'm like you dumbass!! So he tried to ban me from listening to it lol

*insert multiple facepalms here*

Group support? Well I don't have any medical confirmation of depression (yet, they're currently running tests to see) I have serious parents issues (especially on the father side) and personal issues (insecurities, low self-esteem, and burst of anger) probably related to the family issues and bullying.   

We are all sharing here so well I have anxiety and panic attack disorder, eating disorder, depression, body dysmorphia and I see and hear things im not supposed to hear :"D 
And I used to selfharm, now I have been off a week <3

EmoSusiHullu I hope that week is now a year :3

@emilie shafer Thank you! I went into surgery to change my appearance a little bit (plastic surgery) and that helped me with my self esteem so now i have been several MONTHS clean. And I havent been happier <3

Since we are all sharing, i used to have a rabbit. It was bad.

I suffer from deppresion

I suffer from deppresion

Since a lot of people shared, I have anxiety, I'm violent, and also depressed

Being an EA fan, listening to the lyrics in this song is like a MASSIVE kick in the crotch... -.-

aaah, i tried so hard to find it again with just the name of the song >< thanks deezer <3 T^T I was losing all hope

This is one of my favorite songs by her

Summer Peavey yesssssss mine too

I've never been diagnosed with problems...
But I honestly believe I have depression and have some sort of bi polar issues. If not, then I have random anger issues to the point where I think of harming myself and also violent thoughts. I used to self harm, but not so much anymore.
I hate my mind. I hate everyone around me.
Is it so wrong to want to always be alone?

*hug* I would suggest going and finding some help. Find a therapist or counsellor that you trust and go from there. Lots of places offer free counselling if you do a quick google search. Good luck!

Just beautiful!

Since i knew her i loved her , first cause her outfit, but then i heard the music and omg <3 and now that i know she is a bipolar like me omg now i know why her music get to me so further.

She seems to be able to relate the problems we face as having mental issues. It's like her lyrics are all so close to my heart.

sounds like borderline personality disorder to me and i got both.

uhh huh swallow huh huh

well since everyone is shareing their mental things i shall too ^^ i have, Severe Depression, self harm, insomnia

Emilie Autumn must have open-minded fans. :)

@Playbackjunkie Thanks :D

@Playbackjunkie By the way, have you listened to some of Emilie autumn's other songs yet? :)

You're welcome! :D I've listened to all her albums. Opheliac is my favourite. <3 Fight Like A Girl is my second favourite. Then Laced/UnLaced but I don't like Enchant that much. I also want to read her book. <3

@Playbackjunkie About the book, I feel you! I couldn't order it, mainly because I was too late and also because they ran out of stock... :(

Fight Like A Girl is actually my favorite song, so is swallow :D

you ovbiously don't know how to understand lyrics.... you should listen to her commentary on this song....

777taurino if you do not like the music, do not listen, just ignore.

this song is very cool

This song is about her bi polar disorder.

Since i heard and read more things about bipolar disorder, i gotta say to all of u to be strong and don't mind it... its just a thing u have which was making u feel bad but if u follow ur doctor's rules, everything's gonna be ok... yeah i know nothing about it, i don't suffer from it but i know u're gonna make it.. u can deal with it...
Much love from me guys, u deserve it... <3

Seems like everyone here as some form of hysterical depression. I'm just over here like whats that song about swallowing that plays on the Express store playlist: this isn't the song.

Let's see, if we're all listing mental disorders. Here's mine: Anorexia, Self Harm, ADD, Severe Depression, Bipolar Disorder, and Insomnia.

minha preferida <3

Amo elaa *-*

I love this song and I love Emilie Autumn. The woman's got some balls... or ovaries... still! Considering that this song is so obviously about an "oral sex gone bad" scenario.

I love this song, reminds me of when i was constantly doped up on anti-depressants and lots of other unpleasant pills...

Parts of this sound like peter pan when wendy tries to get him to take his medicine...

It's about her not wanting the medicine the doctors said will make her feel better.

a lot of people fake it you're not alone in the mentally stable boat

Everyone here is mentally ill except me? Hell, regardless, I love Emilie Autumn.

Does it fucking matter? Just enjoy the music.

Oh! I'm also a lite empath and have a ton of indigo in my aura, for those that believe in New Age stuff.

Um, nearly everyone has ADD/ADHD so that doesn't count... Ooh! I have Central Sleep Apnia (sp?) and the Warrior Gene... Do those count?

I think I might be the only one here without a psychological disorder...

Wow everyone's talking about their diagnostics xD well, I'll share mine. I was diagnosed as manic depressive, clinically depressed, bipolar 1, schizophrenia, and anxiety disorder. Also suffering from PPD, PPAD, and struggling with anorexia, body dismorphia disorder, and almost one year free from self harm.

Me too!!!!!!! Once a plague rat Always a plague rat!

Swallow cum?

The song I first herd was dead is the new alive ^.^ I thought the violin was crazy and instantly fell in love lol

ok but you're wrong i don't care how much psychology you've studied. Take it from someone who is diagnosed- bipolar and manic depression are the same thing.

That was really moving, with the <3 as finishing touch! Good job, whoever created this vid!!

lol. Swallow.

Shes Hot

I think the main difference is that bipolar is ego syntonic, that means people find it is a part of them and the user feels it is in harmony with his/her personality. Thus making it a personality disorder. Manic depression doesn't have this property. People don't feel it is a part of them and are more prone to search treatment.

Damn, don't need to be a bitch. Believe it or not, I am diagnosed and not self-diagnosed. I've got the pills and therapy and everything. I didn't know it was a club that you take proud ownership to be a part of though so I didn't feel the urge to back up my comment with my medical history.

I also was just saying what my doctor told me. She might just differentiate personally with bipolar for more extreme and manic depressive for less extreme. Idk. I'm not the doctor.

Wow...she has a beautiful voice!

Manic depression and bipolar disorder are the same thing. MD got relabelled a while back to be more "pc." Same as psychopathy got relabelled as antisocial personality disorder. Take it from someone who has been diagnosed, not self diagnosed.

Excuse me?

His names means journey to hell in Dutch, but he only writes Spanish. He is against animal abuse, was pro Gadafi and believes Lady Gaga has a penis.
He says: If you are not a fucking zombie, join the facebook group against animal abuse.

That sounds all rational and composed. So let's face it, maybe he makes a valid point, who knows.

She has bi-polar disorder. look it up, then listen to the song again

I have manic depression (which in most people's eyes is bipolar but it's slightly different) and whenever I'm going through a depressive state, Emilie Autumn is one of the best musicians I listen to to help me through the overwhelming amount of emotions that I can experience sometimes when I am depressed.

Her music is extremely deep and inspiring and this is one of my favorites by her.

Awesome..... Hits the nail on the head when it comes down to bipolar.
The song is as mixed up as the condition itself.
But would rather live a lifetime hearing this than a lifetime of bipolar...... Oh well such is the plague of rat.... -_-
3 EA
x-x-x

XD Same, it made me appreciate it more >.>

I'll come back to hunt you if I drown ^_^

THE STRINGS ON THIS SONG.
No matter how many years pass, I keep coming back to this song. Needless to say I empathize with these words, and the hauntingly beautiful music continues to captivate me time and time again. She speaks for those who can't. I'll always love Emilie Autumn's music.

I totally relate to this because I do have Bipolar and I understand how it truly feels

What is this song about exactly. Its awesome but I have no idea what its about

No way. Thats exactly how I found out about EA as well. 0_0

The first song I ever heard by Emilie..... 6 months later and im a total Plague Rat.<3

swallow the seman

<3 Love this song

Just saw her in Orlando F.L.A.G. Tour was so amazing

just kidding. sarcasm people , sarcasm :)

0.0 well. THIS LOOKS LIKE PERFECT MUSIC TO PLAY AT A CHILDRENS PARTY!! :D

*plays at my birthday party* yaaayyY! :D

This is perfect. I'm not alone. Thanks Emilie Autumn

IM in love with this beautiful song

Amazing her voice is so beautiful